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HOLLYWOOD GOLF 167
rough. When we got to his ball, we found that it had settled into a very deep clump of grass resembling a large bird's nest.
I said, "Bill, my heart goes out to you. That is strictly a Japanese hanging-basket lie. In order to hit that ball you would have to be a contortionist with three legs. But to show you what a sport I am, if you concede the match, I will settle our bet for ninety-five cents on the dollar/'
Bill was so mad that you could have lit a cigarette on the back of his neck. He grabbed a niblick and knocked the ball right onto the fairway. Byron Nelson couldn't have recovered from that lie, but Bill did. I was so unnerved that I missed my next shot and we battled down the fairway, scuffing and dubbing as we went, until we both had taken five blows to reach the green.
At this point it was Bill's first putt, and he missed. As I got ready to putt I was shaking like a bartender mixing a Bacardi cocktail. I studied the contours of the green and decided that it was a straight putt. Then I stabbed at the ball and knocked it about a foot off line. But to my amazement the ball curved around and dropped into the cup, making me the winner of the HowardMenjou golf championship with a total of 108 strokes!
Hollywood has had some very good golfers and some very bad ones. One of the worst who ever swung a golf club was John Barrymore. One would think that a man who was such a wonderful mimic would have been able to swing a golf club like a pro, but he couldn't. He was a menace. One never knew where to stand when he got ready to hit the ball. He would cut divots as big as bomb craters. When the greenkeeper saw Barrymore going out to play, tears would come into his eyes and he would go out and get drunk, because he knew it would take three weeks to get the course back in shape.
When Maurice Chevalier first came to Paramount, we became very close friends because I could talk French with him. When I discovered that he liked to play golf, we made a date to play at Riviera. Chevalier was a typical Frenchman, a keen student of the dollar; we argued for fifteen minutes about handicaps and