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168 IT TOOK NINE TAILORS
how much we would bet. Finally he teed up his ball and started to hit it. He missed by 6 inches, and I thought he had just taken a practice swing. But then he proceeded to fan the ball nine consecutive times. I couldn't believe my eyes. There is no way to handicap a man who whiffs at the ball nine times in a row. Finally he became so exasperated he picked up the ball and threw it off the first tee. From then on Mr. Chevalier was my pigeon. I took great pains to keep him to myself. He was a bonanza!
Another of Hollywood's most notable golfers was the late W. C. Fields. When Bill went out on the golf course, he always took a bottle with him and had a nip on every tee. It didn't matter how hot the day was, he always had his bottle along. He never seemed to get intoxicated, although from the amount he drank during a golf game it doesn't seem possible that he could have known where he was or what he was doing. Sometimes I suspected that the bottle actually contained iced tea or he would never have been able to finish the game.
One time while playing an important match, and after an uphill battle, he reached the fourteenth hole all even. As he took his bottle out to bolster himself for the job ahead, he dropped it; the bottle landed on a tee marker and broke. A tragic expression crossed Bill's face; one would have thought that he was battling with rapiers and had just been disarmed. He wiped his brow with a trembling hand, teed up, and scuffed the ball about 100 yards. On his third shot he dubbed one into a dry river bed and finally lost the hole by three strokes. In desperation Bill grabbed his bag of clubs and ordered the caddie to run to the clubhouse and procure another bottle from his locker. By the time the caddie returned, Bill had just lost another hole and was two down. He seized the pint of bourbon from the caddie, moved to a soft grassy spot, opened the bottle, and took a large jolt. Then he placed the bottle carefully in his pocket, stepped up, and belted the ball 200 yards straight down the fairway. After two more sizable jolts he finished with a score of 4-5-3 to win one up— proving that equilibrium is not important in the game of golf.