Majestic Monthly (Feb 1916)

4 THE MAJESTIC MONTHLY THERE was two very auspicious occasions in Columbus last Month. One was the opening of the Athletic Club and the other was the Anniversary Dinner given to the Majestic family by the Big Chief. I wasn’t at the Athletic Club, but I was at the Majestic Feed with bells on, and believe me, it was a regular party. My Old Friend Gus Schell fixed up a place in the front basement to look like Hades and after the last show at night we all filed into this underground grotto thirty strong. There was blue lights all over the place and little red devils painted all over the side walls and funny sayins about the Majestic bunch greeted you on every hand. The big show started when they brought on the Oysters on the Half Shell. Spike Hennessey, one of the janitors, said he couldn’t eat his cause the inside wouldn’t stay on his knife and the shells was fried so hard he couldn’t eat em. Somebody yelled Chicken, and the colored troupes nearly kicked over the table. I’ve seen some feeders in my time, but I never saw such a sloughter of fish and foul since Hackenschmit the wrestler eat seven beafstakes, eighteen fried eggs, and four dozen pancakes at one siting. They say we got team work around the Theater, and we know how to handle crowds, but the handlin of that fried Chicken was the most artistic thing that we ever done. After the feed was over the Boss took it on himself to act as toastmaster and called on the folks for speaches. The Editor of the Majestic Monthly was called on first. He said he wasn’t much of a speachifier, but could do better with a pen or a typwriter. One of the Janitor ladies rose to remark that she thought he could do right well with a knife and fork. Bob Newman the beau brummel on the front door was called on next and he recited a poem called “Gimme Gold Top or Gimme death.” He didn’t get neither, but he was lucky he didn’t get the latter. Right here Miss Alice Bowser, who was on the entertaining committee sang “A Perfect Day,” which considering the fact that we was in Hades seemed very appropriate. The Big Chief was next introduced. He got a rousin reception and he had it coming to him. If every employer was like him there’d be no such thing as strikes or labor trouble. He must set up nights figuring how he can make the Majestic a nice place to come to and a pleasant place to work in. He made one of his famous Bill Bryans which brought down the House and called for an encore. After the speach makin we had songs. Miss Griffin, our stenographer, sang “Flitting Through The Park” or “Strolling Through The Underwood.” Clayton Weber, Forest Wilson, and Roy Schumacher, our three best motion picture operators sang, “We Took Out the Power 6A, but we’re goin to Leave the Power 6B.” Gibson and Harbin, the Cashiers sang, “How many Please? Don’t push, You’ve Got Lots of Time to Hurry Up.” Superintendent Bailey and the ushers sang “Move Over Please and Make room for Mike and Lizzie.” They sang in two keys and three flats, it would have sounded better in a padded cell. Mrs. Green, forelady of the cleaning Department, recited a poem entitled “The Majestic is clean, but I have seen a Vacuum Cleaner.” Right here Rube Haskin, one of our Pianists, got hit in the eye with a Dill Pickle, and fell into the Piano. The operators with the aid of a pick and a pair of ice hooks were able to dig him out. After it got quiet Maud Wammeldorf the daughter of the regiment sang, in a very touching manner, “She Sleeps By the Erie Canal.” Her notes were so liquid you almost got the aroma from the Canal. Mr. Callis, our Organist, closed the services with a song entitled, “I’m Glad the Oysters come from Baltimore, cause That’s Where I was Born.” Every Body had a corkin good time, and we’re getting ready for next year. Here is hoping we will all be here. We give the ’’newsies” an entertainment anniversary week. Say, you ought to heard them guys sing “Tipperary.” The seven Wilhelm brothers sat in the front row. You couldn’t tell whether they was singin’ or cryin’. Outside of that, kids, you’re a live bunch and you can play a return next year.