Modern Screen (Jan-Dec 1960)

•lone in order to get a toehold in the business. I knew my mother was taking good rare of Andy back in Memphis, and as toon as I was able to. I was planning to ruing him to Hollywood to live with me. "The thorn in my happiness was that alhough I had the custody of my son. I 'ouldn't take him out of the state of Ten»essee except by special court order. And lis father had begun to fight me on that icore. "Many divorced mothers have to go to vork. and they are allowed to have their hildren with them. I believed I would be ble to do just what so many other mothrs who are divorced are allowed to do: vork and raise my child. I was sure I could •resent my side of the story to the court nd get. their permission to have my child .-ith me in Hollywood. "'But Hollywood is thousands of miles way from Memphis. I couldn't always lake a court appearance in Memphis on a tipulated day if I was in the middle of roduction. "Several other times I'd gone to Memhis to appeal to the court for the right d have my child live with me. But on lose occasions I'd find myself sitting round and waiting, because of one court ostponement after another. Then, when nother court date was set. I discovered I 'as busy in a picture and couldn't walk ut. The whole thing was very confusing. hurt Andy even more than it hurt me. !e couldn't understand why I'd leave lemphis without taking him with me. idn't his own mommy love him? It used > kill me when he'd run after me. pulling ; my skirt and crying, 'Don't leave me, lommy.' An abnormal thing" ! "One night last July, unbearably lonely »r my child. I flew to Memphis and took .m back with me on the next plane for ollywood. It may have been in defiance ' the court order, but not in defiance of hatever heart the good Lord puts inside a mother. Back in Memphis, when it as discovered that I had taken my child )me with me. there was a big hue and y about it. You would have thought I ad done an abnormal thing in wanting to ave my own child with me. The child's ther and the folks in Memphis said I had dnapped my child. How in heaven's name n a mother be accused of kidnapping her vn child? I had given birth to him. I had arsed him during his first few weeks of e. I wanted my child. But because I had dared to take my jld with me to Hollywood, the whole wn of Memphis turned against me. I was as cited for contempt of court. My exisband was given full custody of our ild. If I set foot in Memphis I could be it in jail, like a criminal. "Mothers have often risked their lives r their children. I was willing to risk gog to jail for mine. "Meanwhile, Andy and I were very ppy together in California. I had rented homey kind of house in Beverly Hills, lere was a picturesque mountain behind and a large back yard. I had fixed up a om for Andy with wood paneling and :tures of cowboys and horses on the wall, lad a great incentive to want to succeed w. My career as an actress thrilled me t because of the glamour in it — although olayed glamorous roles — but because it juld enable me to do so much for my y. I didn't date much and I went to few rties. There are many divorced mothers io work their fingers to the bone for their Udren. I was luckier than those mothers. career gave me long periods, weeks at time sometimes, when I didn't have to Dort to the studio at all. I was with my ild a great deal. Every moment I was free was a precious moment to spend with Andy. I felt very lucky that I could be home so much and still provide for my child financially. "I remember the wonderful times Andy and I had — how I would drive him down the hill and take him to Ponyland at LaCienega. where he would ride the ponies, standing up in the stirrups and twirling his lasso around. "Andy had been pale and thin when I brought him back with me. Very soon he began to grow robust and tanned. He was always laughing and playing cowboy. He was such a happy child. It was a natural life for him. and for me. "If there were shadows clouding my happiness because of letters I was receiving from his father threatening to take him back. I tried to push them from my mind. Andy was never left alone. I had a good nurse for him. and I was with him whenever I wasn't working. And yet. I didn't want to make the child feel like a prisoner. "That morning — that dreadful morning in April — he was playing outside. I was sitting at my desk and had just begun to look over some papers. I could hear Andy calling out to a badman he pretended he had lassoed. Then I heard a car scrunching up my driveway. Strange — I wasn't expecting anyone. I jumped up and ran to the front door just in time to see the tail of a car going down the driveway. I froze. By the time I could scream 'stop.' the car was gone. I knew, without even looking for him. that my child was gone. "I began to shake. I didn't know what to do. I managed to get to the phone and call the police. "Then I just stood by the phone, numb with shock, unable to move or to think or even to cry. It might have been minutes, it might have been hours. I remained there, still. Finallv. I started to walk across the living room. Andy had left his new lasso in the middle of the floor. It was the lasso the Easter bunny had brought him. He'd been playing with it only that morning. I had told him not to play with the lasso in the house, and he had said laughingly. 'Okay. Mommy. I'll take it outside.' But he hadn't taken it outside. He'd been so busy, so very busy with so many things to do, that he had left his lasso where he had dropped it on the floor, I tripped over it and fell, and suddenly I cried hysterically. I couldn't stop crying. "Is he frightened now?" "I haven't been inside his room since he was taken from me. But I can't get the picture of his room out of my mind. Or the beloved memory of Andy sitting at the long desk which I'd had built in front of the window, where he used to paint and draw. And of the times he would call me in to admire a picture he had drawn. He drew so well. And the hi-fi in the corner where we'd sit and sing to his records. I had just bought him a recording of Peter Pan. He loved that record, and he was going to show me how he could fly up to the ceiling like Peter Pan, and I had laughed at that and tried not to let him know how frightened I was at the thought he might try to fly and fall and break his bones. I didn't want my child to be frightened. Is he frightened now . . . ? "I will fight with the last dime I have to get my son back. With me. Where he belongs. If it means giving up my career to have him I will give it up. But I need the money my career gives me for the legal counsel to get him back. 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