Motion Picture (Feb-Jul 1940)

THE MINUTE TRAVELERS SWING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN GRADES INTO HOLLYWOOD THEY'RE UP TO THEIR EARS IN LOVE. THEY BECOME LIKE THE NATIVES WHO, PLAYING THE GAME OF HOLLYWOOD LOVE, ARE CONFUSED TO THE POINT WHERE THEY CAN'T TELL THEIR WIVES FROM THEIR FIANCEES OR THEIR HUSBANDS FROM THEIR FIANCES not to his wiu (who is bus) elsewhere) but to the lady of his choice, pinners are bought, nightclubs arc attended, rhumbas arc rhunibed, bottles arc thrown (at each other), engagement! announced and then, after the engagement, the divorce and after the divorce, the ivedding. Which leaver the gentlemen eligible to begin all over again. W^F ADMIT, the whole business is a * * trifle involved. But there's one thing you've got to admit — it's different. A Hollywood bachelor may ask of his Jeeves, after a night out. '"Jeeves, just who did I get engaged to last night ?" And Jeeves will answer. "Engaged? Why, sir. you're not even married." Take the romance of a big star and his lady love. Before they could marry, the star first had to be divorced. Elsewhere, it seems, a married man seldom marries another woman, even in print. In Hollywood they hardly ever do anything else. Which is why a national publication felt no qualms in announcing a gay fellow's engagement to his leading woman, disregarding the minor fact that the gay dog is already married — and well does he know it. Take Whoozis. Now his romance with Pale Orchid is one of Hollywood's grandest disturbances. If Whoozis weren't already married to someone else. according to Hollywood standards, he would be completely ineligible for courtship, at all. and Hollywood would be compelled to miss one of the major skirmishes in the battle of love. For make no mistake, it is no picnic, this game. The player> are deadly serious and sometimes just plain deadly and will brook no jesting or interference from the sidelines. Wither do the players necessarily need to be completely delirious to play. But it helps. Again, would it be possible for John Heartbreak to pay such devoted attention to this or that beauty if he weren't already married to Yellow Tulip ? Oh. well. yes, it might be possible but who would care ? That's the point ! Xow, see how it goes. And the nicepart of it is, it works both ways. A wife is just as eligible for courtship as a husband. 'When does your fiancee get her divorce ?" is a tar from uncommon query in Hollywood. Far from it. As a matter of fact a girl in Hollywood who hasn't a divorce somewhere ahead of her. is pretty sure not to have a wedding, either. 'Will Barbara Stanwyck marn Bob Taylor?" was the printed question for months before Barbara received her divorce from Frank bay. although Barbara's courtship did not begin until after Barbara ami Frank's separation, remember. But now that Barbara has her divorce, as well as her Bob, the whole thing has become routine news. Before she married Bob, Barbara had made herself slightly ineligible for romance by having a divorce behind her instead of before her. Another nice thing about it is thaiHollywood ladies are treated to the novelty of being 1. engaged; 2. married: 3. divorced, all at once and the same time which removes a lot of the monotony of just being one of the things at a time. The California law which keeps divorced people married for a whole year, contributes its share to the fracas. They tell of the none too bright little thing out here who got so mixed up trying to figure out whether she was more engaged than she was married, or more married than she was divorced, that she grew positively childish and they had to put her in the Our Gang Comedies till she finished her contract. She was going with "Buckwheat" last I heard. Heigh-ho ! They tell of the executive just out from Xew York, some months ago, who sat reading the morning gossip columns. A look of pained bewilderment passed over his face as thought struggled for birth in that confused brain. He rang for his secretary. "Have you been reading about Dietrich and Doug, Jr.?" he asked, breathlessly waiting her answer. (This was before Doug had married Mary Lee Hartford.) "Oh, yes, ain't it swell ?" she replied. "I — but, see here," he said, "isn't Dietrich a married woman ?" "Oh, sure. Happily married." The gentleman leaned back and closed his eyes. "Wait a minute, please. I'm a — I'm a little mixed up. Doug. Jr. isn't her husband ?" The secretary scanned the white face of the executive. "Are you nuts?" she asked. "Yes — no — I mean yes — wait." the executive begged. "If she's married to someone else, how come the papers carry all the details of their fervent romance and no one, not even Dietrich cares ? Explain that." "Why. Mr. Guptel. that's just it," the secretary said, "out here Dietrich would have to be married to someone else before she could be eligible for courtship, engagements and marriage. You sei The executive opened and shut his mouth three times in a row without uttering a sound. He left for New York on the next train. Still speechless. In fact, after Dong's recent marriage to Mary Hartford, the executive went into a rapid decline from which he'll never recover. ANOTHER feature that makes love in Hollywood a unique process, is the little game called "I pass." Instead of cards, one shuffles partners. Partners in romance. It's very simple really once you get on to it. The catch is to keep from dizziness after you get into the whirl, so swiftly does the game move. In Japan, I believe, they have a similar game and play it with a soft ball that keeps popping them in the eye. Over here it's played mostly with any harmless playboy with practically the same result. A man player, for example, may wake up in the morning (depending on where he's been the night before) under the impression he's engaged to one girl only to have it turn out he's engaged to an altogether different young lady by nightfall and his former fiancee is now the wife of a director and is being assiduously courted by Jimmy Stewart. See how it works ? Xow please don't think the dancers in this grand passion waltz who gaily swing from one partner to another to the tune of "Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush." take the game of "I pass" lightly or coquettishly. Quite the contrary. Love, even quickie love, is considered a serious proposition not only by the participants but by the grandstanders as well. Hardly anybody laughs. Let me swing away from the rules of "I pass" a moment to say that even comedians, no. especially comedians, once they are caught in the whirl, become serious minded contenders in the fray. Stan Laurel liked to die when it hit him. And Hardy didn't laugh. He couldn't. He had lumbago. When Harry Ritz, the funny one in the middle, became entangled in the glooming net, the two brothers on either end didn't laugh. True, they made unfortunate noises but no one could actually prove it was laughter. To be frank, the whole thing has practically made a different man of Chaplin. It's got far and away beyond him. [Continued on page 62] 27