Motion Picture (Aug 1940-Jan 1941)

state of affairs. First, I trailed out to the old Vitagraph Studios where Warners were shooting the lad's latest picture, My Love Came Back. I gazed happily upon Olivia de Havilland, Jeffrey Lynn, Jane Wyman, Albert Basserman and other fascinating personalities while Eddie finished a scene. When Eddie came over, I said gaily, "Look, you've told me about your treasure hunting and all of that, but I want to know about your romances nowdays !" "Romance ! Me ? Say, no girl would give me a serious tumble. Look at me ! I'm Hollywood's most ineligible bachelor !" Looking him over, I began to sort facts. Here was Eddie . . . not so bad-looking. Kind of pixie-faced, true enough, but nevertheless the pan features plenty of charm and personality. Eddie's a pretty successful young man and still on the upgrade. He doesn't throw his money away so a gal would have to worry about the rainy days. References like that are enough to panic any matrimonial bureau. "What have you got against marriage?" I quizzed. "Lots of young bachelors say they like their freedom too well to ever let blonde or brunette interfere with it." "Nothing. Say, I'd like to get married, but I know I'd make any girl a lousy husband. A lot of girls think they'd just love the kind of life I lead. But when it comes right down to doing it, they back out." WELL, Eddie likes to do things on the spur of the moment ; he's hipped on the subject of treasure-hunting; he loses hats, addresses, telephone numbers and perspective of time. I knew that. So logically I laughed, "Look, Mister, have you ever tried pinning one of them down to it?" Ignoring the question, he went on, "Now take this trait I have of doing things on the spur of the moment. I went to South America in such a hurry one time that I forgot to tell a girl I was leaving town. I got back to my apartment late one night and found a message that I could get reservations on a ship sailing just before noon — a week earlier than I had planned to leave. "Imagine getting a message like that in the wee hours of the morning! I had to make arrangements to leave the show, do my packing, do some shopping, get letters of credit at the bank, close my apartment and all the other things a person has to do. As it was, I went aboard ship just as the gang-plank was going up and I don't think I was fully dressed even then. Not until we were at sea did it dawn on me that I hadn't told her I was leaving. I never did square myself on that." I gulped pretty hard at that. Women, I admit, are strange critters. Ihey can forgive a blonde, murder or beatings. But j list plain forgot! There aren't any extenuating circumstances in a case like that. Even so, I had sense enough to pounce, "Was she the girl you were supposed to be married to?" "Oh, no. It was rumored that I was married to Grade Bradt, who was in The Boys From Syracuse. We'd been on a radio program together for several years before that. But we weren't married because she wouldn't marry me. She knew me too well." "What about treasure-hunting?" I remarked quickly. The subject definitely needed changing. "Now a girl like Osa Johnson did pretty well travelling around with Martin Johnson." "Yes, a girl like her would be happy for a while," he agreed. "But the worst trait I have is that ever so often I have to get away from everyone for a week at a stretch. Women just can't understand that." "Oh, what's a week ? Just send her home to visit her folks." "But maybe someday," he objected, "I'll get so I want to be alone for a year or two. What then?" "Mrs. Richard E. Byrd — she'd be swell then," I suggested. "Oh, sure," Eddie laughed. "Let me have a harem ! Include Lana Turner in a sweater." Undaunted, I continued, "Well, how about Loretta Young? I see by the papers — " "There's another reason a girl shouldn't marry me," Eddie interrupted. "I like goodlooking girls. And I say so. Here I was standing at Ciro's bar when Loretta Young walks by. Just like I always do, I said, 'Oh, oh, could I go for that !' A columnist is standing right beside me. The next day he writes that I'd like a date with Loretta Young. Now, how would a wife like that?" "Oh, she'd get used to it," I said nonchalantly because after all that's the sort of thing that happens to wives as well as husbands in Hollywood. Eddie locked like wild man when lost in Mexico. That beard is enough to scare away any girl. A wife would sure rebel "I like strange foods, too," Eddie laughed. "I'll eat anything . . . roasted grasshoppers, crow stew, rattlesnakes, grizzly bears. I'd even eat human flesh if I ever got a chance." "Well, maybe some woman can talk you out of that," I answered. "Some clever woman." "Yeah. Say, one night not very long ago, I ordered French snails. I've always enjoyed them. A girl with me said — " "Who was the girl?" I pounced. "Oh, she was just someone at the table," he evaded. Then went on, "she said, 'Snails?' I said, 'Oh, yes, they're pretty good here. Haven't you tried them?' She said, You mean those things in the garden that go squooshingalong leaving littlesilvertrails?' " BEFORE I could savor the moment which scored for the woman's side, he gleefully exclaimed, "I like to play my phonograph full-blast at all hours of the night. I had to put my house-boy in a little house clear at the back of the lot so he could get some sleep. I couldn't put a wife off like that!" Out of bitter experience, I assured, "Your neighbors will soon cure you of that !" "Oh, no, they won't," Eddie chortled. "That's another thing a wife wouldn't like. I live way up on top of a hill. The house is so isolated you almost have to have a breeches-buoy to get there. My nearest neighbor is three hills away." I tried to change the subject another way to see if perhaps this would give me a clue to la femme. "What do you expect of a wife?" "I don't know. Just that she'll put up with me." "Well, would you want her to be the perfect hostess at a formal dinner as well ?" I tried to open avenues of thought for him. "Oh, Lord, no!" Eddie exclaimed. "You should see the way I eat. Half the time I get so excited talking that I forget where my mouth is and the first thing I know my dinner is going down my shirt-front ! Golly, I couldn't eat at a dinner like that. No, definitely, she can't give dinners like that ! And women like to, too, don't they?" "Oh, well," I gave up, "a woman likes interesting people and you've said you are always bringing home people of that kind." "Yeah, like the guitarist I brought home one night. He'd ridden the rods all over the North American continent and you don't get many baths living like that. A few nights later he came back and brought some friends with him. He was a swell guitarist and his friends could really sing. Besides wonderful stories, they'd picked up the most marvelous folk-songs in their travelling. "Imagine bringing those fellows in just when your wife had invited some guests. Why, I'd have to go off on my boat for months to live that down !" THAT boat ! Eddie took a couple of men with him and went off to Mexico a few months back. Eddie disembarked on a strange island and didn't come back. Finally his crew decided he'd caught another boat and headed for home. In Los Angeles, they found he was still missing. There was a great to-do about it. Searching parties were being organized when Eddie suddenly appeared safe and sound. Not only safe and sound, but grinning because, "I had a real set of whiskers. My hair turned out from under my sea-cap just right. With a pipe in my mouth and wearing a dirty worn pea-jacket, I walked onto that dock feeling just like John Barrymore looked in Moby Dick." Whew ! There's still Captain Marvel, Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers running around doing marvelous things on paper ! What if Eddie were thoroughly exposed to them? They never get injured so a wife could get over her anger in the bustle of nursing a sadder but wiser husband. About that time, Director Bernhardt called Eddie for some more scenes. After an hour, it began to look as though Eddie would never be through. So, Eddie suggested I have lunch with him on his first day off. It wasn't just because I hadn't found the woman yet that I accepted. Sure enough, two days later came the call. Upon my arrival, I was caught up in a whirlwind. I don't get any lunch. Instead, I was rushed along with the preparation for a screen test for a particular role. We talked while Perc Westmore gave instructions for a special make-up. In the two day lapse, I had done a lot of snooping. I had discovered that Eddie had been seen with Muriel Angelus, now under contract to Paramount. Eddie had known her back in New York in The Boys From [Continued on page 88] 53