Motion Picture Classic (Jul-Dec 1928)

^tOp Me/ If You've Heard This Qompetition Jlmong the Stars for the '^Best Scotch Story Is Tight BY DOROTHY SPENSLEY THOMAS MEIGHAN: A Scotchman and a dozen friends had just finished dining when the waiter arrived with the check. "Give it to me — I'll pay it," came in loud tones from the Scotchman. The following day, appeared headlines in the papers stating: "SCOTCHMAN KILLS VENTRILOOUIST." REGINALD DENNY: And then there is the Scotchman who bought the twopants suit. "How do you like your new suit, Jock?" asked a friend. "Very weel, only it's a bit warm, wearing two pairs of trousers." KARL DANE: .A few people on the Metro-GoldwynMayer lot know that George K. Arthur is Scotch. Karl Dane is one. Therefore when the great hole was dug for the foundation of the new "talking movie" stage, a group of them stood about, puzzled. " I'll bet it's Lon Chaney just returned from New York, hidden in the grass," suggested one. "Uh uh. It's the story department digging up material." Along came Karl Dane. "I know what it is. You're all wrong. George Arthur lost a nickel there last night." When Nancy Carroll and Chester Conklin go in for telling Scotch anecdotes, they believe in proper costumes for the occasion. Here they both are, dressed to kilt RAYMOND GRIFFITH: After a Scotchman paid a Jew the fifty cents he owed him, the Jew died of lead poisoning. WALTER HIERS: It seems there was a Scotchman who had two sons. Both were midgets. SUE CAROL: The wife of a Scotch farmer was on her deathbed. It came time to feed the chickens and cattle. The farmer tiptoed to the bedside: " I gaen doown to feed the cattle, Annie," he whisf)ered. "!' ye feel yoursel' going, blow out the candle." MARIAN NIXON: Jock McGargle decided to become a motion picture actor when he learned that acting was a gift. MADGE BELLAMY: "WTiat an awful obstinate mon ye are!' said Mrs. McNag to her husband. "Whit ha'e 1 doon noo?" "Weel, I ha'e had that new cough medicine in the hoose a month an' ye havena' coughed yince." BEN LYON: A Scotchman with a handbag climbed onto a street car and handed the conductor a nickel for his fare. The conductor insisted that the fare was a dime and when the Scotchman refused to give him a dime the conductor threw him bag and baggage off the car. The handbag rolled into a lake at the roadside and disappeared. The indignant Scotchman chased after the trolley, finally overtook it and began berating the conductor. "I'm going to sue you," he shouted. "You threw me off the street car, you ruined my clothes, you lost my hand bag, and you drowned my boy." EDMUND LOWE: A Scotchman dined at a restaurant. After paying his bill, he carefully counted the change handed him by the cashier. As he counted it a third time, the cashier, insultecl, snapped : "Are yuh trying to kid me? That change is right." "Yes, 'tis right," the Scot replied, "but 'tis only just right." CONSTANCE TALMADGE: A Scotchman and his wife wanted to go up in an airplane. The price was twenty dollars and the husband demurred. "I'll tell you what I'll do," offered the pilot. "I'll take you up for nothing, providing you don't make a sound all the time you're up." They agreed. The plane nose-dived, looped the loop, banked. The pilot gave them the works. Not a sound from behind. When they landed, the pilot said: "Well, I guess you win. I didn't hear a peep." "Weel, mon, I must say ye nearly got me when the wife fell oot!" • {Continued on page 24) 25