Motion Picture Classic (Jan-Jun 1929)

Stop Me, 1/ You've Heard This One The Stars Sell Out Their Best Yiddish Yarns At Less Than Cost By DOROTHY SPENSLEY COLLEEN MOORE: A wealthy Hebrew in New York had a son who, for some reason, [Xjssessed a very strong Jewish accent, and in despair the father took him to the dean of the College of the City of New York and told the difficulty. The dean requested that the lad be left with him for six months and guaranteed to correct the accent. At the end of the time, the father went for his son and asked for the dean. The latter came out to meet him: "Well," said the father, "how's the boy? Is he all right now? Does he spmak without an accent?" The dean hesitated a moment and then began — "Veil, I'm tellink you . . .!" RICHARD BARTHELMESS: A gentleman of Jewish persuasion was learning golf. He knocked a ball into a mud puddle and daintily picked it up and placed it in a dry spot. "Wait," said his opponent, "you can't do that. That's a hazard." The Jewish player put the ball back into the mud and tried to knock it out with the club. All he did was to spray them both with mud. Finally, after several vain trials, he took the ball back and firmly placed it on a spot of dry ground. Then he stood up: "Now," he said, "sue me!" MARY BRIAN: Little Solly put a coin on the ice cream vendor's cart and said: "Gimme a dime's worth of Jewish ice cream." " What do you mean — Jewish ice cream?" "An ice cream cohen, of course." GEORGE FAWCETT: Little Ikey wanted an apple from the Italian's pushcart. " Momma, buy me one?" "Not yet, Ikey, not yet. First make a face at him and maybe he vill throw one at you." JAMES G LEA SON: Two boys were busy talking together, one Irish and one Jewish. A priest asked them whom they considered the greatest man that e\'er lived. The Irish boy answered "Christopher Columbus." Ikey answered "St. Patrick was the greatest man ever lived." "Why do you say that, Ikey?" asked the priest. "Well, I don't really think it. I think Noah was the greatest man," Ikey replied, "but 1 just said St. Patrick because I was talkin' to you." AL JOLSON: Abie had taken on a little too much liquid refreshment, and as he was wandering aimlessly down Eighth Avenue in New York, his bleary eye rested on a big excavation. Balancing himself perilously on the edge, he surveyed the hundreds of toilers below and finally hailed one of them. "Hey, vat are you doing down there?" The workman looked up and shouted back: "Building a subway, what's it to you?" Abie was not to be easily discouraged Max Davidson is explaining to Fannie Brice that he's just been offered a great part but that he can't take it because there's one ham actor in the cast however, and followed with another: "How long vill it take?" "Twelve years," came the reply. "Oh, never mind," said Abie, pulling himself together as he staggered away, "I'll take the elevated." WILLIAM BOYD: Abie Aronson was attending a public address on "Business Acumen." The speaker talked on his career and mentioned a certain company which had wound up on account of its shady practices. "Of course", said the orator, righteously, "as soon as I realized that there were possibilities of dishonest profit being made, I got out of it." Abie arose hurriedly. "Excuse me, plize," he stated loudly, "but vill you feenish the sentense, plize? How much did you get out of it?" REGINALD DENNY: Moe Katz entered his friend's shop, smiling expansively. "Veil, my friendt, how are you?" glancing about the store. " I see you haf a Jewish phonograph." "What do you mean — Jewish phonograph?" asked his friend, Pat O'Neil. "A gash register, of course, a gash register!" {Continued on page 76) 25