Motion Picture Classic (Jan-Jun 1929)

egendary LoVE-CuLT Bv CEDRIC BELFRAGE SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA, May i6th, — In a radio message to civilization from a remote section of California, formerly a wellpopulated district before man's mastery of .^-^ climatic conditions destroyed the one advantage it enjoyed over more civilized sections ' of the country, Professor Potiphar Z. \ Waffleberry yesterday revealed what appears to be the most remarkable archaeological discovery of recent centuries. Heading a small group of intrepid scientists, Professor Waffleberry waved goodbye to his tearful wife and tots from the cabin of his minute twenty-five-seater plane in January, and flew away into the unknown. A regular stream of radio communications brought no news of great scientific importance until yesterday, when announcement of the discovery of an alleged prehistoric love-cult community was made in trembling tones to an astounded world. Briefly, the professor's extraordinary tale tells of a weird colony of heathens who established themselves in a community a few miles from the Pacific coast for the purpose of worshiping their Goddess, SexAppeal. What demoniac rites were practised by the colony, the professor is only able to conjecture from the various fossils and ruins which remain to tell the tale. Twisted Remnants >UT let the eminent professor tell his own story my shin against a twisted piece of metal on which the words 'Crauman's Chinese' were plainly decipherable," the radio message runs, "that I knew we had found something worth investigation. On conducting excavations on the ruins nearby we were able to reconstruct on paper the original building, which, if it showed nothing else, clearly betrayed the fact that no Chinese of any known age in history could have had anything to do with its construction. Encouraged by this curious find, we proceeded with zest to make further excavations in the vicinity, certain in our minds that some altogether unusual tribe of either maniacs or near-savages must at some prehistoric time have lived here. "Could it be that we had stumbled upon the site of that strange city of mythology, Hollywood, about which so many fantastic fables have sprung up that it has become problematical whether such a place could ever have actually existed.^ "As our investigations proceeded, I became convinced that we had done no less. The ruins we unearthed were those of a busy, humming community suddenly stopped short — obviously by an earthquake of unusual strength. Could it be that the angry goddess whom tradition says the Hollywoodians worshiped, Sex-Appeal, had been displeased and sent down a thunderbolt from. Heaven to wipe them off the earth .^ However this may be, our findings will correspond with no other township of antiquity than the fabulous Hollywood. As a man of science I can reach no other conclusion than that the fables which have come down to us about this fantastic colony of maniac love-cultists are at least based on actuality. Riddles Unsolved AS a man of science, too, it is my most regrettable duty to report that the actual activities of this colony are still problematical. Time has left insufficient evidence to show what really went on within the confines of its city limits. We are only able to hazard guesses at the truth. How such a unique group of maniacs ever came to gather on this one spot, miles from the nearest outposts of civilization, is another problem which can never be conclusively solved.