The Motion Picture Director (1927)

19 27 THE MOTION PICTURE DIRECTOR OF HOLLYWOOD 41 They Shall Not Pass {Continued from Page 21) ing, she pulls a Red Grange and with a flying leap, manages to get her foot in the doorway.) “Come on, girls. Now’s our chance.’’ (With an irresistible surge that can be likened only to the lava flow at Kilauea, the horde of sisters sweep to the door, overwhelming three stars, a property boy and the general manager. They rush through, submerging all in their path, leaving behind them a wake of havoc resembling Rheims.) Information: Glub! Glub! {He weakly waves his arms and falls back. ) II Scene: A large set on E Stage inside the studio. Director Seiter is putting Reginald Denny and Ethel Shannon through their paces. Suddenly a low rumble, like distant thunder, is heard. It comes nearer and nearer and the sis¬ terhood is seen approaching. Fannie is in the van, marching with set mien and determined tread. They arrive. Fannie: “See, this is how they make pictures! You know, it’s all fake — ’’ Studio Workers: “Sh-h-h-h-h-h-hh-h-h!!!’’ Fannie {Sotto voice) : “You’d think they were Sarah Bernhardts, the way they act so important. Goodness, a body can’t even talk!” Director Seiter: “Cut out that noise back there I ! !’’ Continues with his direction, as Fan¬ nie assumes a demeanor of hauteur and is heard muttering to the effect that Mr. Snodgrass will see Will Hays about this. “Bill” Seiter: “Alright, we’ll shoot it.” Whistles, lights go on, camera grinds and the sisters crane forward so as not to miss a thing. Fannie gradually edges ahead. Director Seiter: “Sweet creampuffs and glittering butterflies ! ! 1! Who is that in the camera line? Cut!” Fannie: “Come on, girls, let’s go! No wonder they have censorship boards !” They exit with ponderous dignity, up¬ setting several spotlights and the still camera in their elephantine retreat, leav¬ ing the company in chaos. Fannie: “I hear they have a zoo here. Let’s see it!” (At that moment the studio manager passes on his way to a conference.) Fannie: “Here, boy. Ps-s-t. Yes, you! Which way is the zoo?” Studio Manager: (Somewhat dazedly points out the proper directions and staggers off.) (A quick change shows us the zoo with the indefatigable dames coming on.) Fannie: “Oh, see the lions. Yoo-hoo, M rs. Bartol. Mrs. Bar-to-o-1, here’s the lions. Do you hear the way they’re growling. They don’t mean that. They’re just trained to do that.” (She steps inside the rail on which is printed a sign with the words visitors will not go inside this rail, and ap¬ proaches the cage of Tom, a handsome lion. Quick as a wink his paw shoots out and misses Fannie by an inch. She quails a bit and then steps back.) Fannie: “See, didn’t I tell you he wants to play!” Loud and Raucous Voice: “Get away from those cats!” Charlie Murphy: “What’s the idea? You’ll have to get back, ladies. We can’t have our animals annoyed like that.” Fannie: “Well, I like that! Some nerve to talk to us that way. Let’s go, girls! Come on, Mrs. Muller, we’re going. Mrs. Mul-ler. We’re going now.” (They retire in more or less bad or¬ der and are greeted by the Chief of Police.) Chief: “Sorry, ladies, but you will have to retire. Your entrance here was not authorized.” Fannie: “Of all things! Mr. Hays will certainly hear of this. We shan’t stay a moment longer. We’re going, girls. Come on, Mrs. Mather. Mrs. Ma — ther, we’re going.” (The female battalion is escorted to the studio gates and there boards the bus. It lumbers away dejectedly. ) Fannie: “See, I always told you the movies were a fake. Everything is all front and show, the same as the people themselves. 1 m certainly glad I came. I’ll have lots to say at the club. Isn’t it disgraceful, Mrs. Oppenheim? Oh, Mrs. Opp-en-heim, I was saying that the movies were all faked — ” Her voice trails off as the bus gath¬ ers speed and once more all is calm and peaceful. The End