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Since Mrs. Russell's book, "Here Lies," has become so popular, a number of wills have been sent to this department. The players will please take no
offense at these remarks made by their admirers.
I, Earle Williams, do hereby bequeath my divine repose to those players who in strong scenes habitually give impersonations of a cross between a peeved hornet and a delirious windmill. Witness: Owaissa.
I, John Warren Kerrigan, do solemnly charge Arthur Victoria Johnson to go to my attic after my death, and there he will find a large piano-case. Unlock and open it and promptly destroy the bundles of love-sick lassies' letters which he will find therein, with the exception of one small parcel tied with blue ribbon, which he may keep and read. These are from his best girl to me.
I, Ford Sterling, bequeath to my good friend, John Bunny, my "swell" hat, my spectacles and whiskers, feeling that they will add much to his modest figure. Witness: William T. W.
I, Crane Wilbur, do leave to my little friend, William Russell, my bottle of eyebrow producer and my guaranteed pompadour raiser, hoping he will use them as freely as I have.
I, "Alkali Ike," do bequeath to my good friend, Arthur Johnson, my masterly ability to handle women, trusting that it may prove of value to him in subduing little Lottie.
I, Harry T. Morey, feeling my manly strength steadily decreasing, do herewith give and bequeath to my faithful companion, William Humphrey, my large and fierce-looking fists, which have long been the terror of the Vitagraph studio, hoping that he will benefit by their power and put same to good use in fighting his bloody battles.
I, Kathlyn Williams, do leave to my sweet little friend, Alice Joyce, a pair of the lions that have become so dear to me, hoping that they will prove faithful companions to her. I know that she will appreciate the loving gift.
I, W. Christy Miller, do herewith leave my sad and somber appearance to Billy Quirk, trusting that this little gift will tone down that smile of his that never seems to wash off.
I, Sidney Drew, do herewith leave my classic features and dainty feet to Maurice Costello, for I know that he has for many months envied same.
I, Arthur Ashley, do leave my passionate and impulsive embraces of a certain fuzzy-haired, blonde young lady to Jack Richardson, hoping that he will take the hint and put some warmth into his love-making.
I, Harry Myers, with many regrets and unshed tears, reluctantly leave to Rosemary Theby my precious pipe and pouch of my famous "rank" tobacco. True, she can never use them, but she can keep them on the mantel in remembrance of me. I feel that I cannot take them on with me, so must leave them behind me in good hands. Witness: Rita F.
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