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126 FAVORITE PLAYS AND PLAYERS
Touching on "troubles," the following eloquent tribute (unsigned) to Cos tello 's mail is too good to let slip by :
When Costello sees an auto loaded to the very brim
With admiring epistles, and he knows they're all for him,
Lo, the neighbors, as they watch him, see his face grow wan and pale,
For the female of no species is as weighty as his mail.
When the other photoplayers see the carrier drawing near, Tho he staggers 'neath his burden, his remarks they do not fear ; But poor "Dimples", flees in terror when he hears him rant and rail ; E'en a female of the species would be staggered by his mail.
When the good old Brooklyn Fathers built the office, long ago, They did not stop to reckon what all postal clerks now know, Else they'd built a vast extension, barred and guarded like a jail, For no female of the species needs more room than "Dimples' " mail.
The postman's heart is bursting with the things he dare not say, For the mail to him intrusted is not his to throw away ; But when postal clerks foregather, each confirms the other's tale That no female of the species makes more trouble than his mail.
Letters that cajole and flatter, thus it is the young maid writes ; Odes to dimples and to eyebrows, these the widow, coy, indites ; Missives perfumed and alluring, adoration all exhale, For the female of the species sends her heart in "Dimples' " mail.
So it happens that Costello, when the carrier comes nigh. Lifts his eyes toward the ceiling, heaves a gentle, tired sigh. Gazes at the heaped-up basket, gazes at his ink-stained hands, Searches for some place of refuge — yet no woman understands.
And he knows it — knows, moreover, that where'er his face is seen, Whether he be prince or pauper, on the Moving Picture screen. Maidens old and young will write him, telling him the same old tale, And no female of the species will be heavy as his mail.
Here is a confession (not wrung out) that we are improving with age, and a thirst for another contest :
To the Editor of the Motion Picture Story Magazine.
Gentlemen : I have purchased your Motion Picture Story Magazine since it has been published, and I enjoy them immensely, but I have never read one as interesting as your July issue. I read of the success in the Popular Player Contest, and I will now wish you luck in the future. Altho I have answered several contests, I have never been lucky enough to win, so would like to try again. Have you received a satisfactory contest yet? If not, kindly advise me where to send a suggestion for one.
Baltimore, Md. Elisabeth Weiner.
This sort of praise is dainty, convincing and, we might add, gracious and modest :
The Moving Picture Show, I've heard some say.
Is vulgar — the chief evil of the day ! These critics I would like to gather up, and take
Them all to see "'The Lady of the Lake."
Entrancing in its beauty, a marvel of the art,
A living, breathing poem, it goes right to the heart ; A power for good, a precious privilege to see.
Accept, "Mr. Vitagraph," sincerest thanks from me. St. Louis, Mo. A. R.
According to Henry L. Lush, of Hackensack, N. J., the most unpopular subjects on the screen in his town are mosquitoes. Why unpopular? we ask. Do they not always have a smart following ? Stung, Henry !