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"Whew, I Can't Keep My Lens from Blinking Through the Shutters At Her!"
The IDYL of a CINEFILMESCOPE
A SPLENDID little cine camera, fresh from the hands of the manufacturer, sitting on a shelf: "Oh, I know I'm in for a wonderful life. I simply can't wait. Gee, I'm glad that old grump didn't take me. Old fossil of a doctor! I'd see nothing but bones with him, or ... , perhaps . . . Ugh! That won't bear thinking about ... I wonder what my first picture's going to be?
"Ah, who comes here? Gosh, she's pretty! Right this way, Sister! No, no, don't stop to look at that Russian calf thing! Whew, I can't keep my lens from blinking through the shutters at her! I think I like 'em fair . . . Get the light behind that hair . . . Yes, just my idea of an angel, that's all! She's taking me! She's taking me! What do you think of that, Russian Calf? Better luck next time! Perhaps that old guy of a doctor'll take you. Try to catch on to him. Ta! Ta!
"This looks like the real thing!
By K. L. Noone %
Rolls-Royce, chauffeur in green . . . Home, James. Life, come on!
"Gosh, dearie, why don't you let 'em tell you at least SOME of the high spots about me. Not that I won't stand by you, but you know I can't do anything when you jerk me around the whole sky line in one wild swing. You just aren't going to get a thing worth while. . . Keep away with that oil can! Keep away! ! ! !!!... Oh, didn't you listen to a word when they told you never to oil me yourself? S Q GGG UGGGG UGMP. ... As sure as I'm equipped with an exposure guide, that's thick machine oil all over my sprockets! Oh. mi gawd! ! !
"Come another day. Perhaps this one won't be so bad. But, just between friends, it couldn't be! Thank the Lord that film's over, anyway! I pity the poor screen, but to the projector belongs the spoiled!
"Careful, now, Light of my Eyes! That's no way to load me. Don't you think you'd better take me off into the shadow somewhere? Why . . . Oh, whyinell don't you look at your instruction book? What do you think I am, anyway? . . . Oh, all right, all right ... if you want to load me in bright sunlight, go to it. . . .
"Chasing a bird up into the top of a bush so she can get him jumping, and the whole thing with the glare right into my lens! . . . Stars and Garters and All the Things that are Rolled and Unrolled! I want to go home from here!
"What was it they called me? 'Foolproof?' It ain't so, Gustave! Nothing could be foolproof against a dame with the oil can mania. She thinks I'm a lawn mower! Great, Hon! That's great! Lovely! Do you get it? Her finger's on the button with me set four feet for the last picture, when this one's to be taken at least fifteen feet away from those darned chickens! Foolproof! But (Continued on page 420)
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