Photoplay (Jan - Jun 1919)

The CAPTAIN'S CAPTAIN Louise Grayling unshed hard for some excitement, and got it — with trimmings — and everything By Leigh Metcalfe Tarrytown, Monday evening DEAREST WINIFRED: Well — here I am — at Aunt Euphemia's house, where I shall remain all summer unless Dad sends for me, or I pine away in loneliness. I feel about as outraged as a newly-captured tiger upon being caged for the first time and offered a bowl of corn-meal gruel. Tell me, pray — what is a girl to do in a prison like Aunty's house? Such a bunch of ogres — even the ice man looks haughty and offended when you attempt to smile at him. No noise, no excitement — nothing but stiff, staid ceremony. Oh, for a fire or a murder! I have just been wishing that a burglar would sneak into the house — a nice friendly burglar, with a sense of humor. But, oh dear — I suppose burglars are too unconventional for Aunty ! Imagine me. Winnie — trying to warm up to a formal crowd of inert Grundies who have been antiques for perfect ages. What, pray, is the restlessness of youth to Aunt Euphemia? I was just looking at her baby pictures and do you know I can recognize that same hauteur and unbreakable dignity? Listen, Winnie: the first minute Dad comes home I want you to send me a wire. For I won't stay in this dead place a minute longer than is necessary. I never will forgive him for going away on that business trip, permitting Aunty to drag me to Tarrytown, just because she thinks it wouldn't be "proper" for me to remain at home with everyone gone. However, I don't intend to tire you with my dreariness — even though you did make me promise to write you everything. And so, because dreariness is all that drips from my pen tonight, I'll stop. Louise. Tarrytown. Tuesday morning. Oh, Winnie — I must whisper a thrilling idea that came to me during the night! I suddenly remembered that Uncle Abe Silt had written me not so long ago, asking me to visit him at Cape Cod. He is a storekeeper there you know. "No noise — no excitement — nothing but stiff, staid ceremony. Oh, for a fire or a murder!" And so I think I'll sneak away to Cape Cod. Don't gasp, dear. It will be interesting and who knows but what I'll unearth some excitement there? Cape Cod is quite a picturesque place, I understand — where they get cod liver oil and all. And codfish. The people are very plain, I understand, and very difficult to shock. Don't tell a soul yet. Winnie. I am going to make overtures to the housekeeper today. I am quite sure I saw her wink at me during breakfast when I declared to Aunty that cigarette-smoking was a graceful feminine habit. Aunty is going out on a calling tour. And if I am to sneak away, it must be done quickly. More later. Louise. Somewhere on Cape Con, Wednesday morning. Winnie — I've gone and done it! Revolt was as inevitable as Hun defeat. The housekeeper is a real sport. Just after Aunty had gone yesterday. I sneaked up to her and sobbed out my plan on her shoulder. She melted into liquid sympathy. Then I sprang my idea. "I'm going to sneak off to my Uncle's — at Cape Co She swallowed a gasp but said: "I think I understand, dearie!" And so I packed my things in a jiffy and by noon was gone. And here I am! No stiff, starched ceremony or any (if that stuff. Oh. it's a relief after Tarrytown and I must go out and stir up some excitement. If only Aunty doesn't come and spoil it all. But the housekeeper promised to tell her that I had left the house suddenly, after receiving a wire, and didn't tell where I was bound. Uncle Abe is a dear old fellow. He has whiskers like Ulysses, only, unlike him, is afraid of water. I know he doesn't like water because Betty (more about her later) said so. And that is strange, considerins that he was born and reared within sound of the breakers. I intend to investigate.