The phonoscope (Nov 1896-Dec 1899)

Vol. II. No. 9 THE PHONOSCOPE 9 ©ur battler One of the frailities of mankind, and womankind, also, for that matter, is a disposition to snore. One of the weaknesses of mankind, and woman-kind, also, for that matter, is a disposition to deny point blank that they do so no matter how much evidence to the contrary they are confronted with. There are people who do not snore at all, of course, and they are justly held in high regard by those who know them. They are, however, the exception rather than the rule. Most people snore at times — some more, some less. Some snore at every opportunity and snore .as if their being depended upon their doing so, but yet when accused, will barefacedly deny that they ever snored in their lives. On rare occasions a man, one who, as it were, has caught himself red-handed in the act, awakening with the echoes still resounding in his chamber, will admit that he snores a little. But a woman — never! She will deny it till she is black in the face and hold a lasting grudge against the accuser. This yarn is regarding a Waverly couple who both indulge in this undignified practice. To facilitate its spinning we shall call him John and her Mary. They are married and live comparatively happy despite the fact that each puts up with considerable annoyance on account of the other's snoring. Years ago before John was married he had the reputation among his bachelor friends of being the best single handed snorer in the state, and as he has grown much stouter with the passing years, it may safely be devined that his ability in that line has not suffered any. What is more, he snores and makes no bones about it, having long ago become callous to criticism. It was with a full knowledge of his fault, however, that Mary married him. He listed that with his other evidences of unworthiness when he proposed to her. He did not deceive her in the slightest particular, and she accepted his snore along with his poverty. Now it may have been a coincidence that Mary was a pretty fair hand at snoring herself, which John was not slow in finding out, but it is only fair to say that she did not know it, else she might have confessed to John as he had done to her. She did not even suspect any thing of the kind, and as John was a doting husband, during the early years of their married life he carried the secret locked deep in his breast and guarded it most carefully. We have said that John was a doting husband, and he is yet, but evidently he has not that delicate consideration for the feelings of his better half that he used to entertain, for of late whenever his wife accuses him of snoring, which is not infrequently, he retaliates in kind by saying that "there are others," etc. At this she always bristles up and a dialogue about as follows ensues: "Now, John, your'e not serious. Tell me honestly that you ain't." "But I am, my dear." "You really mean to say that I snore?" "To be honest with you, that's what I mean — at times perfectly awful." "Oh, you're just as mean as you can be. I know very well I don't." "And how do you know?" "Well I just know, that's all." In what follows the reader will perhaps agree that John has developed a streak of meanness. While engaged with his wife in a colloquy similar to the foregoing, he was possessed with an idea that gave him no end of delight and he passed a whole evening chuckling over it. Among the effects of the household of which John is the head is a phonograph, and the idea that so amused John was to make a record of his wife's snore. One night, after lodge, assuring himself that Mary was sleeping soundly, he put the instrument in order and conveyed it stealthily to their bed-room. A few days afterward Mary again accused him of snoring and he retaliated in the usual way. Then he led her gently to the phonograph, produced a record from the bottom drawer of the desk, and adjusted it carefully on the machine. Mary watched him with curious wonder, little dreaming how near was his complete humiliation. The machine started. There was the usually scratching and then came the well known voice of John mingled with it. "A noctural serenade by Mrs. Mary ■ taken by her husband on the night of July 22, 1898." Then followed the evidence of Mary's guilt, too natural to have been counterfeited, and Mary had to listen to the end, for John held both her hands lovingly but firmly within his own. When he released her, she reached for the phonograph and it has been out of order ever since. the days dragged most heavily. One young soldier depressed and homesick to speak when I first saw him, is cheerful and improving in health now and credits his first treat to the graphophone with the turn for the better in his condition. There are so man} cases of its exhilarating effect to cite that I will mention but one in closing. The army bugle calls were put within hearing of a very wan, listless regular; suddenly his eyes brightened, his breath came fast and with a radiant face he raised himself in bed and cried 'Oh! splendid! I am the bugler of the 8th, and that is perfect!' So while your donation was most generous and spontaneous, I would like you to know that the good that it has already brought to our sick heroes is beyond calculation." Ibelpeb b\> a {Tallung=*TI>acbme The soldiers at Bellevue Hospital have been entertained during their convalescence with graphophone concerts. Miss Bell Reed has written a letter to the Columbia Phonograph Company in which she says: "I want to thank you in behalf of the soldiers in Bellevue for your very generous donation of cylinders. You can readily realize what it has been to them. They tell me that from six o'clock in the morning until nine in the evening they listen to the music and hardly realize the hours; whereas before this diversion came to them, Hnswers to Correspondence [In answer to "A. G. G." who evidently is not well posted in record-making, we will say that "an original record" and "a master record" are not synonymous terms. An original record may become a master record if other records are duplicated from it. Nor does it follow that "a master record must be an original record." A duplicate record (one made by secret process from another record)' may in turn be and become a master if duplicates are made from it. Some companies sell duplicates only; other companies sell originals only. Originals are not only louder and clearer, but are usually more durable. — Ed.] The above is an illustration of the evening exhibitions of record-taking at the Columbia Phonograph Company's parlors which are drawing vast crowds nightly and are becoming immensely popular. The entertainments are under direction of Mr. Harry C. Spencer and the reproductions from the records taken of the various artists are so perfect as to evoke great enthusiasm on the part of the public. Among those who have entertained in the parlor recently were: Billy Golden, in his negro shouts and whistling solos ; Geo. P. Watson, in yodling specialties; the only Geo. W. Johnson; Chas. P. Lowe, xylophonist; "Casey" Huntingand others. Fred Hylands presides at the piano and during the intermissions plays many of his original compositions to the delight of the large audience. The parlor record-taking exhibition has indeed made a hit and has evidently come to stay.