Photoplay (Jul - Dec 1931)

Rudy Vallee At Home £*\CENE — The home of Mr. and V Mrs. Rudy Vallee. She was i) formerly Miss Fay Webb of Santa Monica, California. He was formerly Mr. Rudy Vallee of Westbrook, Maine, and The Villa Vallee, New York. Mrs. Vallee was formerly in pictures. Mr. Vallee is a two-handed saxophone player who leads Mr. Will Osborne's jazz band, and also sings through a megaphone. He once made a talking picture called — called — oh, dear me suzz, what was it called? The Vallees are discovered in the living room of their New York apartment. Mr. Vallee — Wall, haow do you like our settin' room? Mrs. Vallee — Living room, dear. Don't go Maine on me! It'll do for the nonce, when we get a good reliable nonce. Is it time for your broadcast? Mr. Vallee — Wall, let's see, naow. I'm due at the Bliff Theater at 7:32. At 8:01 I'm at the Bloppo Cafe, and then at 8:03 I goes on de air ovah de BarbedWire Hairnet Hour at Station FOOF. An' den, sugah, ah aims to come on home an' croon foh mah mammeh! Mrs. Vallee — Just what act are you supposed to be doing now, baby? You're getting your dialects all scrambled. Mr. Vallee — Oh Lor', I am confused! There I was doing a bit from the Royal American Roughage Hour over Station PIFF on odd Tuesdays in Lent, or is it Advent? This business does keep one dizzy! Mrs. Vallee — Never mind, ducky! We'll soon be home in California where all you have to do is make nice little talkies. I'll bet— (A shot is heard off) OOOOH ! Rude, what was that? Mr. Vallee (cautiously peeping past the chained door) — Law! Isn't that a dad-burned shame? Another of those silly gells has shot herself, right here on the door-mat! We'll simply have to order Gus not to let any more into the building ! Dodrat me if that doesn't make sixteen today. Mrs. Vallee — Sweet sixteen who'll never be missed. I think it's a darned shame! Can't a bride and groom have a little peace without some fool girl firing a gun into herself every ten minutes? I'm going to write to the Mayor! Mr. Vallee — Won't do a leetle mite o' good, dear. They will do it, though I make a speech about it every performance. Why, the shows the critters have busted up, with their screams 60 By Leonard Hall and pistols! Some of them shoot blanks, too. It's a rotten shame. Mrs. Vallee — Well, I do think that (BANG! another shot). Oh, gosh! There it goes again! Mr. Vallee (taking another peep) — Ding-bust me if there isn't another — and what a whopper! Two hundred and fifty if she weighs an ounce! Mrs. Vallee (proudly) — The bigger they are the harder they fall for my Rudy! Do call Gus, dear, and have her swept out. Your songs all set for tonight? Mr. Vallee— Well, I thought I'd give them "Moonlight," then follow with "Crooning in the Moonlight," "Moonlight Crooning," " Croon to the Moon," " The Moon Is a Croon," and then wind up with "Crooning." Mrs. Vallee — That's a nice selection, dear. Mr. Vallee — It has variety. Mrs. Vallee — That's what they like — variety. (Looking out the front window.) You'll have to take the freight elevator again, dear. There's a terrible mob down there. Got everything you need, dear? Mr. Vallee — Everything, dear. Mrs. Vallee — Got your big white sweater with the blue Y, and your hair grease, and that new gold megaphone with the diamonds and emeralds, dear? Mr. Vallee — Got it all, dear. Mrs. Vallee — Got a big kiss for me, dear? Mr. Vallee — Yes sirree, dear! (He administers it.) Mr. Vallee — Wall, time to be a'goin'. I can just make it with the motorcycle escort. What are you going to do, dear? Mrs. Vallee — I'm going to sit right here and crochet my big boy that new megaphone cover for his birthday! Mr. Vallee — My little woman! Well, 'bye, dear! (He tiptoes into the hall. A shot is heard.) Mr. Vallee (from the freight elevator) — She missed me, dear! See you in the morning! Female Voice from Hallway — Hussy! Mrs. Vallee (slamming and double-bolting door) — Dope! The Family Radio — "Hi-Ho, everybody! This is Rudy Vallee, broadcasting from the stage of the Bliff Theater. Our first number tonight will be a little waltz I just wrote called — " Mrs. Vallee (succumbing to honest tears) — Nuts!