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"Assets"— Rita Hayworth . . . Rita Hayworth . . . Rita Hayworth
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WEBSTER wrote one, of course, and it conies in handy when you have forgotten how to spell indefatigable or are searching for a six-letter synonym for yak, but Noah's definitions weren't designed to fit life in the City of Edible Snowflakes and some of his simplest words possess far more colorful meanings when pronounced at Hollywood and Vine.
I am not running down Webster. After all, he never attended a double feature or a dish night and to him celluloid was just something kewpie dolls were made of; you can't expect a fellow to define "sweater" correctly if he never saw Lana Turner.
But I do think it's time someone whipped up a brief, sweatshirt-pocket version of Mr. W.'s opus, amended to apply to the land of sequins and sunshine. So here it is.
Angles: There are two varieties of these, both vital to the fame and
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cinematic progress of Gwendolyn Glamour and Horace Handsome. First there are the angles you have to know, such as what producer to let blitz you at gin rummy and what columnists to give your marriage and divorce scoops to. The other definition of the same word has to do with learning to turn the other cheek toward the camera, if that cheek happens to photograph better than its mate. This is known as "knowing your best camera angles" and one of the best camera angles to learn is: Be nice to your cameraman — he can give your chin a little twin and make your wrinkles twinkle if you don't watch out.
Artist: An actor or actress who draws — a salary of $1,500 a week or over, usually over.
Asset: Of the many I can call, few are frozen. Illustration: Marlene Dietrich's legs; Rita Hayworth's chassis; Veronica Lake's coiffure.
Back: Portion of the anatomy off which any he-man movie hero is always ready to give a friend his shirt.
Bat: Something you can't ever go out on if there's a clause concerning morals in your contract, dear.
Bargain: What you get if you make the cashier's window of your neighborhood movie house before the prices change. Also what some of the most charming stars ain't, when you really know them.
Billing: Advertising matter. Or, what the great lovers and their screen sweethearts start to battle over as soon as they stop billing and cooing in the picture's love scenes.
Calories: What Hollywood chickens have to count before they're hatched into stars.
Candle: What every glamour girl privately believes no other glamour girl can hold to her; also what you can't burn at both ends if you have to report to the studio early in the
photoplay combined with movie mirror