Photoplay (Jul - Dec 1920)

Photoplay M\(;\zine — Advehtisinc, Skciion 99 The Squirrel Cage ( Concluded from page 72 ) IX the Dsrk: Two things that can always be * found: The sharn edge of a door — and a pretty girl's lips. — Evening Telegram. THE census taker runs up against many anuis • ing cxpL-ritnces. Chief among these are the explanations some people offer for the various answers they make to questions put to them. One of the census workers in Kansas City asked a woman whether she could read. She answered, rather hesitatingly, that she could not, and then hastened to explain: "T never went to school but one day and that vas in the evening, and we hadn't no light, and the teacher didn't come." — Harfer's Magazine. \/ICAR (wishing to be very severe): "Do » you know, John, whenever I see you in an intoxicated condition I think of a certain animal ?" John: "Aye I I know, parson. Vo' thinks — 'Lucky dog, lucky dog!' " — Tit-Bits. IT all depends upon the spelling. I suppose; ^ but zealous husbands never seem to get jealous, and jealous husbands never seem to be zealous. Now, if it were the other wav about! \\ell— USE a typewriter? \\'ell, next time you swear at your Coremingwood, think of the poor Etenog in India, where the machines must write the 360 characters and signs of the Bengali alphabet. PROFITEERIXG? "TTHEV were discussing the high prices of pro^ v'isions, when a small boy butted into the conversation. '"Jam has gone up, too," he remarked, "ila keeps it on the top shelf now." And then it suddenly dawned upon the lad that he had injured his case by talkin' too much. r\lD you know that the moon is getting nearer ^ to the earth at the rate of about fourteen feet in 200 years? Well, it is; and astronomers cannot explain why. At that rate, we'll all he moon-struck in about 19.028.591,400 years. Isn't life just one worry after another, though? DERHAPS some of us may get a thrill out ^ of the fact that, while we are drinking to one another only with our eyes these days — or possibly a little bootleg — in Germany the price of beer has gone down and the kick up. A colored doughboy who had hit Paris AWOL and supplied himself generously with the fill sisters, mingled with stronger draughts, woke suddenly in a still befuddled condition in tlie great urban cemetery of Pere la Chaise, whither his uncertain steps had taken him. To make it worse, there was an air raid going on. The brother looked around him out of momentarily half closed eyes. On every side stretched long rows of white monuments. Sirens shrilled from the city streets. Dazzling beams of white liglu stabbed the heavens. There could be but cue conclusion. Tlnstily going through his pockets, he drew fcrtii his possessions — a bottle of vin blanc, a t i ;k of greasy cards, a much-worn pair of ivories — hurled them from him. ■1 lit gone away fum me. evidence." he muttered. "Now, come on, Mistuh Gabriel, I'se re,^dyl" — The American Legion Weekly. GOSSIP She: "Everybody knows about it. Some people take her part and some her husband's." Mere Man: ".And a few eccentric individual-; mind their own business." — Tit-Bits. "p\0 you suppose there ever was a human being who didn't talk about his neighbors?" asked the cynical man. "^'es." said the genial citizen. ".Name him." "Robinson Crusoe." — Tit-Bits. pATIENCE: "I understand Peggy repeats everything she hears." Patrice: "Not everything, I hope." "Why?" "Because I understand she has a parrot which v,is reared by a sailor." — Vonhers Statesman. ENCORED FOR AN ENVOV AB.\RITONE, in\'lted to contribute to the programme in a village concert, was told that the local blacksmith was the chairman, and "would he sing sometliing topical?" So the singer chose the immemorial "N'illage Black smith." "The song went with great eclat. In loud acclamation, the singer was encored and encored again and again. He returned to the platform and, in response to his welcome, was about to perpetrate an operatic classic, when the chairman leaned towards him and said: "Oye: don't zing nothin' different. Just ye zing th' zime zong again; but put in an extra verse to zay as 'ow I lets out boizicles on 'ire." —Sketch. Breakfa , The One-Cent DisK that did it isaker Oaii That^s True in a million homes Suppose you read that breakfasts had dropped 85 per cent. Think what good news that would be in these high-cost times. In countless homes breakfasts have come down. In late years millions of new users have adopted Quaker Oats. Those homes do save 85 per cent as compared with meat, eggs, fish, etc. To save $125 a year Quaker Oats costs one cent per large dish. It costs 6' /2C per 1,000 calories, the energy measure of nutriment. It costs 12 times as much to serve one chop — 9 times as much to serve two eggs. A bite of meat costs as much as a dish of oats. In a family of five Quaker Oats breakfasts served in place of meat breakfasts saves some $125 per year. The oat is the food of foods. It supplies 16 elements needed for energ\', repair and growth. For young folks it is almost the ideal food. As vim-food it has age-old fame. Each pound yields 1,810 calories of nutriment. It is wise to start the day on oats, regardless of the cost. Yet it costs a trifle as compared with meat. These figures are based on prices at this writing. Note them carefully. They do not mean that one should live on Quaker Oats alone. But this premier food should be your basic breakfast. Serve the costlier foods at dinner. Cost Per Serving Dish Quaker Oats Ic 8c 12c .... 8c Bacon and eggs 15c For the children's sake This brand is flaked from queen grains only — just the rich, plump, flavory oats. We get but ten pounds from a bushel. These delicious flakes cost you no extra price. Get them for the children's sake. They make the dish doubly delightful. 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