Photoplay (Jul-Dec 1929)

Friendly Advice from Carolyn Van Wyck GirlsJProblems on DEAR CAROLYN VAN WYCK : You have so often said to girls who write you about being self-conscious and ill-at-ease in the presence of people they don't know well — "Try to forget yourself and be interested in others." I'm quoting that exactly as you wrote it to a friend of mine who asked you for advice. That sounds so easy, Mrs. Van Wyck, but I'm finding it very hard. Self-consciousness has been my besetting sin all through my school life. Now that I am in my last year at college I begin to worry about facing the world without having overcome my timidity, my childish habit of getting confused, and blushing and stammering when people speak to me. I feel I have missed a great deal of the fun at school because I have always been afraid of being singled out for attention, of having all eyes turned toward me. At parties and college affairs, when the others get up and do silly little stunts and sing and dance I often long to act foolish flith the rest. I try to, but the minute anyone pays special attention to me, then I can't go on. I'm really a good "eccentric" dancer. My sister is a professional dancer and she has taught me some of her steps. I haven't let many people know I can dance because I'm afraid I'll be asked to perform. Of course I don't mind dancing for a few of the girls I know well. What can I ever do to cure myself of getting "fussed" so easily? I might want to take up dancing as a profession, or I might want to teach it, but I would have to learn to be more poised before I could think of doing either. Isn't there some system of self-discipline you can tell me about, some definite rule to follow? Elise M. T CAN give you some suggestions, Elise, which •' should help you to overcome self-consciousness. The rest is up to you. First, let's analyze this thing we term "selfconsciousness." Surely it isn't the hint of shyness, the lack of complete assurance, that is youth's great ^ charm. No one would want to see this disappear too early in life. No, it goes deeper than that. It's everlastingly concentrating on one's self, on one's real or fancied shortcomings, in a miserable, inferiority complex sort of way. During our middle teens most of us begin to think of ourselves as separate entities in a world full of mental giants and physically perfect beings. We see everyone around us through the rosecolored glasses of youth, but for some strange reason the glasses get murky and discolored when we turn them on ourselves. And it isn't usually until some of the rose blush has been rubbed off the rest of the world that we are able to dab some of it on ourselves, and bring ourselves into a true balance with other people. To hasten this readjustment, which lias been rather slow in your case, Elise, you will have to be as patient, as kind, as generous \nth yourself as you would with someone else who needed your help. You will have to stop condemning and blaming yourself, and you will have to begin a system of self-training. Several years ago I met a scientist who was experimenting with television, at a time when that was only a name — when it hadn't even approached rcaUty for any except a few research workers. This man explained to me what he was trying to do, gave me a brief idea of the wonders that were being unfolded to him How to Overcome Self-Consciousness Is This Montli's Discussion I WONDER if there is anyone who hasn't, at some time and under some circumstances, been made tongue-tied and awkward by a sudden and merciless attack of self-consciousness. In my answer to Elise I have tried to point out some of the reasons for self-consciousness, and some of the ways by which it has been overcome. Perhaps your problem is different, but just as bothersome to you. My time is yours, for helpful and unbiased discussion of any question of personal appearance, health or happiness. Needless to say, your letters will be held in strict confidence. My leaflet on the care of the skin will be sent you on request. There is a charge of 10c for my booklet containing simple and sane reducing exercises and menus. All communications requiring a personal reply by mail should be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Please print your name and address clearly on both your letter and the return envelope. Address me in care of PHOTOPLAY, 221 West 57th Street, New York City. CAROLYN VAN WYCK The girl who casts aside selfconsciousness, who adds her bit to the give-and-take of conversation or to the general entertainment, is welcome in any group each day in his work. And he made a significant remark, which I often have cause to remember. He said: "Look around you, at the people you meet wherever you go. Why, they're only half-alive. They haven't any breadth of vision, any idea of what is really happening in the world. They can see only those things that are right in front of their eyes. Why don't they wake up, and really live?" That applies to the girl who is self-conscious. She is only half-ahve. Her mind travels in a limited circle — the circle of self and the circle of her own hmitations. The hne that marks the circle is purely imaginary, but to her it seems as impregnable as a buttressed wall. It binds her whole being, restricts her interests, warps her outlook on life, makes all her thinking introspective. You, Ehse, have come to the point where you realize what you are doing to yourself, how you are depriving yourself of many interesting experiences and much of the joy of U ving, through your excessive timidity. When you are introduced to a group of people for the first time, you probably go through this sort of conversation with yourself: "Oh, I wonder what she thinks of me? Is my hair tidy? I hope he won't think my dress is too short. Why didn't I wear the black hat today instead of this brown one? I'll bet my nose is shiny. Her father has so much more money than mine. Oh, my, she's been to Europe and is so cultured. How can I ever carry on a conversation with her? I wonder if he's going to start talking about books. I haven't read anything new for ages!" And so on, and so on. With these thoughts twirling around in your mind, you murmur a confused ~ acknowledgment of the intro duction, barely glance at the people you are meeting, and having scared yourself more completely than anyone else could scare you, you try to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible. And by that time you couldn't make an intelligent or a natural remark to save your life. Try this method of meeting new people. Look right into the eyes of the person who is being introduced — not in a staring way, but in a friendly, searching way, and ask yourself: "What sort of person is this — someone I shall want to know better?" Instead of worrying about the other person's appraisal of you, do a httle appraising on your own account. Very often you can determine at first meeting whether or not a friendship is to be begun. Learn to meet [ PLEASE TURN TO P.\GE 113 ) 16