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bleeding — but in vain. He went back onstage, finished the show, and do you know something? When he went to the doctor, he had to have stitches in his hand, the cut was that deep. Now is that selfishness?
About Dean’s humor, well, he’s not a crazy cut-up, but he’ll do something unusual from time to time that is so unlike Dean you can’t help but have a good laugh. He wants you to, at his expense.
I remember one night in particular. Dean’s no cigar smoker, I can tell you that. But during the course of this one evening a member of the cast passed out cigars — the occasion was the birth of a baby, naturally — and Dean went around smoking that cigar as if he was a tough guy, somebody out of “Dead End.” Well, on Dean it looked hilarious, and everybody roared. Dean did it deliberately, of course. A cigar no more suits him than a derby hat, but that’s the fun of it — the incredibility.
Finally we went to Dean himself and asked him what he thought of the questions we asked his friends and the answers they gave. He was noncommittal. Their answers didn’t faze him. He said he wasn’t afraid of what people might say about him, and furthermore it didn’t matter. What mattered was being honest with himself. And this is what Dean Stockwell said:
Look, I’ve been called all kinds of things. I’ve been called spiteful because I quit the movies when I was successful in them. I’ve been called petulant because I like to go off by myself. I’ve been called a nut because I like to wear seersucker trousers in the wintertime (the truth is most of my clothes are California-type clothes, and when I’m in New York I don’t have enough winter stuff to go around). But I don’t care what people say. The thing I care about most is getting to know myself.
Sure I’ve made mistakes. Sure I quit the movies and went back to them again. I went out to see the world, and came back to a world I realized I wanted. Sometimes you have to get away from something to understand how important it is to you. But I don’t see where there’s anything wrong in that.
As for being petulant and wanting to be by myself, I don’t know if that’s such a bad trait, after all. What’s wrong with people wanting some pi’ivacy from time to time? This constant pressure on clannishness isn’t for me. I enjoy going off alone and thinking. That’s why I live alone.
You know when I’m happy? When I’m listening to some Mozart sonatas or Bach variations. Not that I’m strictly a longhair, by the way. I’m nuts about the new or “half-dead” jazz just as much as I am about 18th Century music. My favorite contemporary jazz artists are Charlie Parker, Miles Davis and Richard Dworzak. As for books, I’m partial to poetry, especially Dylan Thomas’ stuff.
If this gives me great pleasure, being by myself now and then to listen to music or to read books, I don’t see what’s wrong with it. I can think of many worse things a guy can do and be criticized for!
And if I wear seersucker pants in the wintertime, maybe that is a cuckoo-ey streak in me; but if I don’t go beyond that and run buck naked through the streets I figure I’ll be all right.
After all, we bring to life what we give of ourselves, and a little madness sometimes helps you get to know yourself better. I’m not advocating ringing doorbells at midnight; but if everybody had the guts to be themselves, instead of being simpering yes-men, I like to think our world would be all the better for it. The End
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