Photoplay (Jan-Jun 1959)

—I supposed she was too busy going out on the town. Every moment of every day I kept thinking more and more about becoming an actor — becoming a star. I started buying movie magazines, reading them from cover to cover, particularly stories on Hollywood’s leading young men. I kept reading, hoping to find a clue on how you go about getting somewhere in Hollywood. My folks weren’t exactly pleased. They wanted me to go to college and take a pre-med course and follow through and get my M.D. degree. No use putting it off, I thought, I might as well tell them now. My parents tried to discourage me by stopping my allowance in the hopes that I’d snap out of the haze I was in. But nothing was going to stop me. If my folks didn’t give me money, I’d earn some. I took a series of odd jobs, before and after school, driving an ice truck, delivering magazines. I took anything that could pay some money. With my first salary check I rented a tape recorder. I sat in my bedroom for hours at a time reading into it, reading scenes from plays I’d checked out of the library. Then I'd play it back and listen to myself doing the same scene over and over again. I tried to be my own teacher. Four months passed. Then one night in April while I was in my room reading, the telephone rang. I said “Hello,” and heard a feminine voice on the other end say, “Edd? Is that you, Edd?” I knew exactly who it was. I’d dreamed for months of this moment. When she’d call I’d be so happy and we’d get back together. I’d show her that I could be twice as successful as that other guy . . . and that’s the way I thought I’d feel until I heard her voice. “How’ve you been?” I said, casually. “Fine . . . I . . . Edd, that boy . . . well, it was just a passing fancy and . . . I — I’d like to see you ... I’d like very much to see you . . .” I swallowed hard and then said, “I guess I should be glad that things didn’t work out with him . . . but I’m not . . . I’m sorry . . . because, well . . .” and I paused, “well, because I think it would be better if we didn’t see each other again.” There was silence on the other end. I could tell she was crying and I wanted to say, “Look, I haven’t stopped feeling the way I did ... I love you but I’m afraid to get hurt again ...” I wanted to tell her but I couldn’t say it. She finally said, “Well, goodbye, then.” I said, “So long.” She called me a few more times after that. Each time I heard her voice I felt worse. But I wouldn’t give in. The last time she called I said, “Look, seriously, it’s much better if you go your way and I go mine.” She hung up. I imagined myself pretty worldly. I’d grown up a lot in those few months. Yet down deep I knew I was still a kid. She had been my first girl, and I’d taken it pretty hard. I guess when you get right down to it, I just didn’t want to be hurt again and I knew that feeling the way I still did, she could hurt me. Four years and a dozen odd jobs later I really got my start in show business. By then I’d done a few bits on TV, carried a spear on stage in a local production of “Hamlet,” been in summer stock and learned just about everything I could. For a long time I’d been planning to go to the West Coast. I broke it to my folks gradually and when the day came they were wonderful. They wished me luck and told me never to be too proud to ask them for anything. They wanted so much to help me, even in acting. I got in my car and started driving. Now was the time! I would keep going until I couldn’t drive any further and then I’d be in California. About a week later I got to Hollywood. I did see her again — not too long afterwards. It was just before anything really big happened to me. I got a phone call one night. She was in California appearing in a night-club act. We met for cocktails. We talked. It was a pleasant evening. In some ways we were like strangers, worlds apart. In others it was like we’d never stopped seeing each other. We had a few laughs, then said goodbye. I never saw her again. I did get a letter from her, though, about a year and a half later. She wrote to tell me she had settled down back East. She’d married and was expecting a baby. No, she didn’t marry an actor; her husband was a business man, she told me, and they were very happy. She said she’d seen my name in a movie magazine advertising “Darby’s Rangers,” and she had to write and let me know how very proud she was of me. When I read her letter I could tell she sincerely meant what she’d written. I had no feeling of bitterness, no regrets about what had happened between us. She had been my girl, my very first girl and because of that I’ll never completely forget her. And I’ve so much to thank her for because if I hadn’t known her, if she hadn't passed me by for someone who represented all the glamor I still lacked, I'd have done what my parents wanted me to do, maybe I’d be spending my time in a hospital ward taking temperatures. And I don’t think I’d have really been cut out for that type of life. — As told to Marcia Borie SEE EDD IN WARNERS’ “UP PERISCOPE” AND ON “77 SUNSET STRIP,” SEEN FRIDAYS AT 9:30 P.M. EST OVER ABC-TV. SEE SOFT, SMOOTH RADIANT SKIN RETURN Clear blemishes faster than ever this exciting new Cuticura way Just lather-massage your face a full minute morning and night with Cuticura Soap. Very soon you’ll discover the special magic that has made this uniquely superemollient, mildly medicated soap the complexion secret of lovely women all over the world. Years have proved, as Cuticura helps clear up your skin, it softens, brightens— helps keep it young. 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