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LAUGHING
STOCK
BY EIISKINE JOHNSON
See Erskine Johnson’s “Hollywood Heel,” the Hollywood you’ve never seen, on your local television station.
I1RED ALLEN on exercise: “I like long ' walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.”
Definition of a Hollywood playboy:
“A guy who, when his psychiatrist tells him to settle down and take a wife, wonders whose wife to take.”
* * *
Bill Demarest and his wife Lucille celebrated thirteen years of marriage. Lucille’s gift to Bill was a miniature Oscar engraved:
“Not a bad performance in thirteen years.”
Overheard:
“You can always tell a British movie. If the plot doesn't thicken the fog does.”
H« He *
Herbert Marshall on television:
“I'm scared stiff. It’s a very scary medium for somebody who’s no longer as young as Doris Day.”
* * *
Jack Benny drove the 300 miles to Las Vegas for a mid-week visit and then longdistanced Mary in Hollywood.
“How was the drive?” she asked. “Fine,” said Jack, “I arrived just in time to lose $200."
Quipped Mary: “Smart guy. Did you have to drive so fast?”
* * *
Sign on a Hollywood station wagon: “Justamere Place.”
Hollywood — Where a daughter seldom gets married in her mother’s wedding gown because her mother is seldom through with it.
* * S:
Dorothy Lamour says it’s sad but true — that when a girl goes in for reducing, it’s her temper that grows thin first.
* ❖ *
Overheard:
“He owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.”
* * *
There's a howl in “All About Eve” when Thelma Ritter, as a maid, takes a look at a mountain of mink coats in Bette Davis’s bedroom during a party and cracks: “Hmm — a dead animal act.”
Hs *
The late cabinet member, Josephus Daniels, prided himself on a stomach as fiat as Gary Cooper’s but when Sidney Blackmer played him in the movie, ‘‘Wilson,” the studio insisted he sport a bay window. Blackmer, padded for the role, sent this wire to Daniels:
“When you see yourself in ‘Wilson’ please remember that the stomach is neither yours nor mine.”