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LAUGHING
STOCK
BY ERSKINE JOHNSON
See Erskine Johnson’s “ Hollywood Reel,” the Hollyivood you’ve never seen, on your local television station.
John Lund’s aside to a drooling brunette at a Hollywood party:
“Tell me all about yourself. It shouldn’t take but a minute.”
* * *
Sign on San Fernando Valley dairy: “Our Cows Aren’t Contented — They’re
Anxious to Do Better.”
* * *
Milton Berle visited the Hillcrest Country Club in Hollywood and everyone commented on how wonderful he looked. “Yeah,” agreed Groucho Marx, “But I
wonder where he stole that tan.”
* * *
Someone asked Danny Kaye how he liked his eleven and a half hour flight to Honolulu. “It was fine,” said Danny, “except for the last eleven and a half hours.”
* * *
Sign outside a Los Angeles movie theater: “View Motion Pictures On Our Giant 500-inch-square Screen.”
* * *
George Jessel: “Good speeches, like good socks, depend upon the yarns that are used.”
* * *
There’s a bird shop in North Hollywood with a sign out front reading: “Home, Tweet, Home.”
* * *
A movie doll with a dress cut down to here, walked into the Mocambo and a Holly woodsman cracked: “Get her — she thinks she’s real.”
■B ^
A small Indian boy was hired to play a bit role in “Warpath.” About 5 p.m. he started tugging at his mother’s skirts and wailed: “Let’s go home, Ma. I’m tired of playing Indian.”
* * *
Doris Day went to an ice cream parlor with her eight-year-old son, Terry, and while they enjoyed a soda a group of teenagers put a nickel in a juke box for “Tea for Two,” sung by Doris Day. Doris started to sing along with the record when one of the teenage boys, who didn’t recognize her, leaned over from the next booth and said:
“Quiet, lady, we paid for that record and we want to hear it.”
* * *
Since television is 50 percent cowboy movies and 50 per cent wrestling, a surefire program would be: “Destry Writhes Again.”
* * *
Marlon Brando is the new principal of a story once told about Moss Hart. Brando went to the home of a big Hollywood producer, looked at the marble staircase and crystal chandeliers at the mansion and muttered: “What time do the prices
change?”
JMOft
C0U& 6,rLS
FOR
BEAUTIFUL HAIR, ...
Pure Castile is the Best Shampoo!'
Meet lovely, Vivian Farrar, pre-law student at an Eastern college and finalist in the National Hearst Oratory Tournament, who says “I use Conti Castile Shampoo because it leaves my hair so silky -soft, lustrous and easy-to-manage.” Typical of the many thousands of college girls who praise Conti, Vivian says “I certainly agree with beauty authorities that pure castile is the best shampoo!”
Proms are fun “Every girl loves to have her dance card scribbled full. And there are things you can do to raise your dating average. When it comes to hair, boys like that soft, enchanting flower-fresh look . . . and I rely on Conti to make my hair sparkle with highlights— look soft and lovely for those important dates.”
Never skips shampoos “Conti is part of my regular beauty routine,” says Vivian.
“I know the olive oil it contains is good for v~
my hair— helps it to natural, long-lasting beauty.” ‘
THE PURE
SHAMPOO
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