Photoplay (May 1921)

26 Photoplay Magazine women are not 'exactly alike,' as one of my correspondents says. If they were, the Creator would have^deyised some other scheme for propagation. No amount ;-6f3 theorizing about the justice and injustice of things can make a male dog have pujipies. "In the first interview, which has caused so much discussion, I simply tried to show women some of the mistakes they make and some of the things they might do to insure happy marriages. I spoke only as a man, attempting to rex eal some of a man's nature and thoughts to women that they might use this knowledge to their own advantage. If a woman does not wish to marry, she has always the privilege of remaining single. If, like Bernard Shaw's famous spinster, she cannot abide tobacco smoke and dirty boots (or their mental and moral equivalents) let her adopt children from an orphanage. If she marries, let her do her best with what she gets to make it a success. Only do not let her marry with her eyes shut and wreck two lives. "And of course, nothing can make one glove a pair, can it? "It is not the noble woman who protests against the nature of man and his desire to have his freedom. It is not the big woman who because of what I have called 'the beast within' casts him into outer darkness or draws his chains so tightly he bursts them with violence and tragedy. It is the woman of narrow, vain outlook, who judges a man's acts according to their effect upon her life and sta .ding, not according to their eftect upon Wis own soul and character. "A woman oftenest keeps sweet during adversity through her own secret sentiment for the man. "Women always forgive the men they love. And it isn't always great men women love — not even successful men. The men who receive the most beautiful and complete love from fine women are the men who need them most. Think of the men you know who have the finest wives, whose wives give tlicm the greatest deV ot ion. "A man cannot look at a really good woman without shading liis eyes. And it is of these women that I am speaking now — the women who are going to wisely, quietly, by their consummate exanqiie, save marriage from disaster. After all, only good women matter. The degree of badness in a bad woman is interesting, but it doesn't really matter. "To my sense the really good woman, the woman I should hf)ld up for every wife to emulate, to pattern after, — is the broad, wise, pure, understanding woman, who with every right weapon she can grasp tries to kill the beast in man: — who tlirough her own love and purity, expressed in the wisdom of the serpent and the harmlessness of the dove, is helping him to overcome the Adam inheritance of lust anfl dust that eventually lead to ruin. "These women — and I know several — know that men are only children, to be guided, taught, diverted, cajoled. They are not to be driven or pimished. Her highest nature ex[)rcsses itself in giving, selflessly, in taking her man as he is and doing her utmost to save him' from himself. Love for such a woman must hold an infinite amount of the maternal. Mrs. Cecil B. deMille — "a small, graceful woman, giving fortK a deep serenity, very sure of herself, yet gracious, pleasant, keenly humorous. A woman of reserves, of depths, of accomplishments. In fact, woman's love that has not much of the maternal is only passion. And I know of no human emotion so entirely unlrust-worthy, so disappointing, so certain to demonstrate Its 'own mortality as passion. "A man expects generosity, kindness, gentleness, help from a woman because she loves him. But he must keep her love. If he so respects and loves her in their relations toward each other, she will continue to love him. Every page of history proves that external tilings do not kill love. "A good woman should be spiritually wise in knowing that sins of the flesh are always less culpable than sins of the soul. Why should a woman forgive a man for lying, for small cruelties, bad temjjer, selfishness, harshness, hypocrisy, and then condemn him for a i)hysical act that is actually like a tune a man whistles and cannot remember the next day? "I wish I could say to every woman in the world, ' Do not be afraid to be gentle, sweet, loving. Self-respect is an essential, but ijride is a useless thing.' In many years of close observ'ation, I have never known a man to be helped or a marriage saved by coercion, punishment or harshness on either side. ' I would rather be married to an Oriental dancing girl than a woman with a liad temper. "Men are not so stujiid that they mistake firmness, honest advice or constructive criticism for the petty vice of nagging. It isconstant pickingwithout an objective, repetition of fault finding and petty criticism that merely vents its own ill-temper, that I flei:>lore. "Forgiveness that makes of itself avirtue and of its object a martyr is worse than no forgiveness. And suspicion, assumption that any act of personal liberty or freedom must necessarily be evil, seems to me a sin in itself. "Frankly, is there any other relationship in the world between grown-ups where constant association is deemed wise or necessary? "A wife sees more of the best of a man than anyone el.se in the world if she calls for it. The others get — the dregs. "I have never known a real man who would not defend and protect his wife, even in the midst of infidelity. "Let me say this to justify my saying that if a wife stands I)at her husljand will always come back to her. You are not losing much! Youth knows nothing'of love. I might almost say i youth is incapable of the strong, splendid, spiritual emotion' which I call love and which has so very little to do with things I of the flesh. Do not measure love — success in marriage — ■ by the few brief years of the Hood tides of emotion. They pass swiftly. When the fever that is youth is gone, real love comes. "I am trying to show you how you may weather the storms^ of intemperate youth, because from this seething tempest can arise the soul of a great devotion. With Browning, I could say — 'Youth ended, I shall try My gain and loss thereby ; Leave the fire ashes, what survives is gold.' "The comradeship, the close (Continued on page 105)