Photoplay (Jan-Jun 1920)

THE jQmnel Lc A.GNUTT N F.\"ER before in the history of this squirrel cage have you readers had sucli an honor 'VOU are all familiar perhaps with the story thrust upon you as you are about to have * about the motion picture producer who, thrust upon you in the next few para graphs. Up till now you Iiave only been invited to read the jokes and kernels of useless information tliat ye editor of this squirrel cage has gathered for you with great labor and many blisters to his scissors and paste pot fingers from the leading journals of the world. You have never been encouraged to write in saying that you first read our choicest chestnuts in "Fudge^' twenty-five years ago. And you have never done so. But now ye ed has hit upon a great scheme — a super-nut idea. Perhaps you have noticed all the contests they are having in the other pages of this movie mag. — caption writing contests and letter contests (though, thank Heavens no more beauty and brains contests!) and everything. Well now the Squirrel Cage i> going to have a contest too. You are going to be honored by being invited to contribute to tliis page, and to the one who writes the best last line to tlie following limerick, ye ed. will turn over bis five years' subscription to this afore-mentioned movie mag. (i: e. Photoplay) which was given him last Christmas. (The S-yrs' sub., he means.) A. Gnutt. P. S. This limerick idea also gives the man who runs this movie mag. a chance to see how much it would mean in your lives to get a five years' sub. to it (the mag.) for notliing but writing the finishing line ti> a foolish poem that doesn't have any sense to it anyhow. It also gives him a chance to see how many of you read this page. A. G. P. P. S. That five years' sub. to this magazine, would cost you ten bones. a. g. •ymS is the limerick, the ■* best last line to which will bring its author a five years' subscription to Photoplay Magazine : I married sweet Alice Malone And fed her on cheese and bolo^ue. Till she said, "I shall scream For some chocolate ice creain after reading a motion picture script adapted from one of Charles Dickens' novels, said, "Dot is pretty goot. _ Vire Mr. Dickens und ask him to do us a serial." He had nothing on one of the employees of the Fox Film Company (Not Adv.) who was heard to say in an elevator the other day, "We got Cleraenceau working for us now." "The Tiger of France" would no doubt be interested in knowing that in putting forth arguments as to why the American i»ublic should want to see "his one and only work for the first time "VJT/HERE in the world," cried the orator, '"' "do we find wrongs righted, virtue rewarded, and happiness assured us?" "At the picturesl" was the sharp answer of some Mary Miles Minter Fan, ' — ^Fragments. . 1 IX^OOD'S boom has started off spifUngly. A '" well known brand of alcohol has been named after him. — fFrom the Minneapolis Journal. ) 0,.„ ., . , . , . <• , portant to know that the heat or friction burning UK idea m nothing to be is 'the worm caused by the savage onslaught of the profes holer" recently advertised for by some manu sional shoe shiner is responsible for most of facturer of antique furniture in a New Eng ' . ■ . . land newspaper. "Worm holing" is quite a business — just as is the manufacture of raspberry and strawberry seeds to be used in dolling up apple jam to make it look like the real stuff. The "worm holer" shoots a spray of shot into the wood that he is making look ancient. The seed manufacturer uses wood, too, as a usual thing, tliough some who have a more conscientious regard for the stomachs of future jam caters than otliers, use grass seeds. (The dots mean that you can fill in the last line as you like, just so's you make it rhyme with "Malone" and "bologne," and as has already been remarked the one writing the line which is considered best by every body in the office, including the editor, will be given a five year's subsci iption free of charge.) "VV/'^'^f I'-N must abandon the " traditions of generations and no longer dress to capture tlic fleeting fancy of the male or to be prettier than others of her sex," says a middle-aged Miiglc lady who edits a club woman's magazine. Her argument is that all women should dress alike. Imagine Madame Petrova in Mary Pickford's (lothes, and on the other hand ]\lary Pickford in Madame Petrova'sl Keep the suggestion from T.ucy Page Gaston, the deadly ( iieiiiy of the cigarette. If she (vcr gets to be president that's iust the sort of thing she'd rush through Congress. HE: "So she has lost her husband. Has she recovered from her grief yet?" She: "Not yet. You know how slow these insurance companies are in settling." T^O all appearances this is a family of fat rascals on its way to the circus. Are we right? Non — the two fat rascalettes, distinguished by lollypop and balloon, are corn fed natives from the tall peaks of the Sierras, who were found by Paul Powell, M.iry Pickford's director, in time to make this scene for "Pollyanna." The plump gentleman is F. E. Benson, manager of Mary Pickford's studio, and he was called into the cast because they w-ere shy on actors with sufficient avoirdupois to balance the children. Now every time , I feel myself weakening towards bananas or French pastry or potatoes au gratin," he says, "I shut myself up in the projection room and look at this picture. It strengthens my morale." the cracking of the uppers." It shows a very helpful spirit on the part of the shoe dealers in convention assembled, that they should be willing to let the public in on any secrets that will make shoes last longer — especially as there are probably a great rtany ' more people who have never been inside a shoe : shining parlor than those who have. THE anniversaries we always remember are' * those we would rather forget. , . -^ ,' " A REN'T you ready dear?" ** called hubby from down stairs. .. . "As soon as I fix my hair, Henry," came the reply. ' ". "Haven't you fixed your hair yet?" came from Henry an hour later. , . "Fixed it?" shouted the female voice, "I haven't found it yet." A WRITER on hygienic sub^"» jects declares, A young man should kiss a girl either on the left or right cheek." ".^s the option of either cheek is given," remarks Punch, "many young men will no doubt hesitate between the two." lyilSS PRIMROSE: "Don't ^''•' you ever give your dog any exercise?" Miss Hollyhock (fondling a fat pug dog) : "Of course. I feed him with chocolates every few minutes just to make him wag his tail." — N. Y. Telegraph. "THE proprietor of the largest ^ dance hall in Chicago has startled the World (A^. Y. Morning) by saying that ugly girls are better dancers than pretty girls. "They are more graceful than pretty girls because they work harder to make up for their lack of facial beautyPretty girls are as a rule, beside being conceited, lazy and indifferent," savs this gentleman who has a chance to watch thousands of girls every day. JsJElV Authors For Old Fic■' ' tion : "To Have and to Hold," by Samuel Gompers. "Paradise Lost," by Ji'illiam Jennings Bryan. "The Trimmed Lamp," by John D. Rnckcfcllcr. "In His Steps," by IVilHam G. McAdoo. "Why the World Laughs," by Charlie Chaplin in collaboration with Secretary Biirleson. — Life. THIS is all for this time. In closing ye ed wishes to say that no last lin" ending in Salome will be considered for the limerick contest. % i