Photoplay (Jan-Jun 1920)

THE ' '■'. rr r • • jQuinel A.GNUTT ffb AFTER ye ed. went and offered to give a prize for tlie best la^t line to tlie limerick about Alice Malone last month, the price of paper went up $7000 a month on this magazine. But do not be afraid. \Ve are not going to back down on our offer of a five year's subscription to the one who shows the most talent in writing that line that must not end in "Salome." We just want to point out that even the high cost of prizes is going up. We do not murmur. But now, seriously, since: you are getting used to us, and you can see that we're a well meaning fellow on account of this prize limerick busine"ss and all that, why not get acquainted? For the past vear or so we have been appearing in this squirrel cage monthly, and you can see that we are a steady old customer and everything. Why not take the old Corona, or the old Waterman in hand now and then — when you have sometliing funny up your sleeve, or when you get it in for the opposite sex and want to take a slam at them, or you feel like getting a piece of bum poetry off your chest? Maybe you've got a secret, even, that you'd like to confide to old Gnutt. They say that the fellows who run the so called funny columns on the metropolitan dailies get hundreds of letters a day and all they have to do is to paste them together and stick in a few wheezes picked out of other papers and magazines, and they get the credit for being awful clever. Not so us. We have been forced so far to depend only on the papers and magazines, which does not seem hardly fair now, does it? TOMB.STONE manufacturers demand 20 per cent more for perpetuating a man's memory. It's a hard game, they complain. TT HE law recently passed_ in * England limiting the visits of mothers-in-law and other relatives to one month should be unnecessary in this country, where every householder prides himself on being a Napoleon of domestic strategy. "Vr/ILL Fly By Night."— ** Headline. "Thus it is," -ays the valued N. Y. Post, "that the reproach of one generation becomes the boast of another." D L. T. wants to know if •'-'• there is any further excuse for the pretzel? I T was the week before little * Willie's birthday, and he was on _ his_ knees at his bedside petitioning Providence for presents in a very loud voice. "Please send me," he shouted, "a bicycle, a tool chest, a " "What are you praying so loud for?" his younger brother interrupted. "God ain't deaf." "I know He ain't," said little Willie, winking towards the next .room, "but grandma is." And he continued, louder than before: — — ; — "a scooter, a drum, a talkin' machine, and a pony. Amen." .t-'^-y.^'^.'' THE NOSEY EDITOR.* {Today he asked Fiic Persons the Same Question.) TODAYS QUESTION. Who is your Favorite Ci'tema Hero or Heroine' *Ye Ed. offers every apology to "The Inquiring Reporter" of the N. Y. Evening Globe. Look for "The Nosey Editor" later. THE ANSWERS. Willie Hopp, tlie office boy; — "I think that Doug Fairbanks would be bet^ ter'n Bill Hart if Doug could roll cigarettes with one hand 'ike Bill Hart can. Gosh, ain't it swell when he does?" Hilda Highlife. the henna-haired hellofanote whose secret hope to switch from the telephone desk into the white lights over night is known only to everyhodv who comes into the office: — "Miss Gloria Swanson is ray favorite screen actress. I think she is the greatest, cutest, most beautiful motion picture actress who has ever been e-xpo>{_d to public view. Ha\'e you A STENOGRAPHER recently ** broke the shorthand speed record by making it ,^24 words in one minute flat. At this rate soon to be fast enough to report the tion of two ladies at a picture show 94 Photograph l^v Tracy Mathewson 'T'HIS is John Shell, who lives up Laurel Creek, in Leslie County, ■•• Kentucky. He is likely the oldest man alive, being 134. There is a poll tax to prove it. 'The boy is his son Bud, age 5. John vras born nine years after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. He -was turned down by the draft board at the tirae of the Civil War because he was too old. John's first wife died six years ago, at 107. His oldest son succumbed at the tender age of 90, being, as his dad said, "a leetle frail." Tracy Mathewson, the Kinograms cameraman, traveled two weeks by buggy through mountain creek beds to dig him up. The second Mrs. Shell, Bud's mother, is 35 — only a mere century younger than her husband. After this was written, a New York paper came out saying John was only 97 — but why spoil a good story? she ought conversa ever noticed how much she looks like me?" Mrs. Prunella Killjoy, who is trying to start a campaign to stamp out all screen kissing: — "I think that Charles Chaplin is th« purest of our screen players. I have yet to see him indulee in ,1 five minute osculation in the films. I wish I could say as much for all ethers." Charlie Jazz, the typewriter ribbon salesman:— "It's Gale Kane for mine. She's so nice in the home, and when a fellow's out about as much as I am he always likes to see a girl who's so nice in the home." John Groan, the janitor: — "I don't like any of them there screen stars. They make too much clutter around an office. If there wa'nt none of them there might be some neat, clean business in this office like a tailor shop and there wouldn't be no motion picture magazine here to keep me emptying waste baskets all the time. A LOT of gents are learning, somewhat sor** rowfully, these days that water was invented for other than bathing purposes. —Chicago Tribune. A WELL known English peer '^ was playing with the son of a friend of his when a footman entered and announced. "Your car is here, my lord." "Why are you a lord?" asked the little fellow" promptly. "Were you born in a manger?" FASHION NOTE. ITORM fitting trousers with * frills at the ankles and shirts with lace collars and cuffs will make the 1920 man chic and fluffy this summer — if he wilt wear them. The dictators of men's fashions in Paris — aided and abetted by the creators of women's wear — say he will. We, shall see — soon. LIOPING not to bore you but • * bringing up the subject of that limerick contest again, but if there aren't a lot of answers to that offer for a five years' subscription just for the last line to that nutty poem, the man who owns this ir.ag.« might think nobody reads this page and then he might fire me. Let's show Iiim what's what. \l\ RS. PHINEAS JONES is ^'* the proudest woman in Wellsville. A specialist says that_ she's got to undergo an operation for appendicitis. Bide Dudley in N. Y. Eve. World fOr words to that effect. > P RANK KLAUS, former mid' dieweight champion. has been fitted out with monkey glands, and now he sajs that he_ feels like a kid again, and is going back into the ring. He must have heard of the Ben Wilson and Neva Gerber serial "The Screaming Shadow." though he does not say so. P P. A. in the New York Trib*■ • une says that he believes women should be allowed to smoke, because it is only in houses where they do that there are enough ash receivers and matches. What do you think' THIS MONTH'S RIDDLE. WHAT southern flower would make a good name for a new Irving Berlin jazz song? ALL answers to the above riddle, as well as any last lines to that limerick contest, must be in the office by May 27. Address to Prof. A. Gnutt, Photoplay Mag.\zine, 25 West 45t''Street, New York.