Photoplay (Jul-Dec 1922)

Photoplay Magazine — Advertising Section The Loves of Pharaoh a la King A Slang Review By DICK DORGAN EXPERIENCE is the best teacher, they tell us. Being a y o u n g man anxious to learn, I thought I would find out what ancient gents like Solomon (who handles a thousand Storms) had to offer in the love game. And therefore climbed under the tent to take a peek at the Loves of Pharaoh — here is the menu — Amenes was the Pharaoh, the cat's meow of Egypt. Now, if you have read history or looked over the old paintings — where the frolicking flappers are doing the shimmie before their kings — you would think that this was some job. But not so with Amenes. He was a lonely pup. Nobody loved him. No wonder! you see it was the custom of all Pharaohs and High Priests to shave the noble bean, so that Amenes' knob was as free from hirsute as a snake is from hips. One day, Menon (he of the pall-bearing face) who was Amenes' man Friday, brought him a billet doux from Samlak, king of Ethiopia. Sam offered to sign articles to stick together and clean up the neighboring kingdoms. (I think this is the original idea that the League of Nations was cribbed from.) To show that he wasn't four-flushing, Sam was tossing in his dusky offspring, Makeda for good measure. So anxious was Sam to put over the deal, he already had his meat eaters at parade rest outside the city gates. Meanwhile they started to doll up Makeda, and let me utter right here that she had on enough trick bracelets and bum jewelry to make old Woolworth turn green with envy. You couldn't blame them much though as she looked like a ruin of the dark ages. Ramphis, the old architect's son coming down the river with a load of building materials spotted Theonis, one of Makeda's slave girls drawing water. She was what we term in the exclusive set as considerable Moll. She had all the seven wonders of the world stopped and was still a lap ahead. Sam sneaked down and caught them swapping the chin goods and tried to take a sock at Theonis, but Ramphis forgetting it wasn't Saturday night picked up the bimbo and gave him a nice sousing. Then the old stiff yelled for help and a bevy of Mexican bandits came tearing down and took the He donned the old cast iron derby and was ready lo leave for the war w w * I ^1 ' ■ i -■»WV'U _^^l A * /RtjHHB { \ 1 ■^ 'J ffirSyj A ^sHV ■i^x The Great Caesar fell like a rock for those lavish eyes "sweet dearie" prisoner while Ramphis took to the briny. They carried her back to camp and tied her to a tree. About midnight, Ramphis pulled the pussyfoot Pete stuff and rescued her. Then got in bad by smuggling her into his old man's house. The old bloke was sore at first but when Theonis gave him one of those baby stares he was for her strong. A little later Sam, and his prairie dogs arrived at the palace with about 28 carloads of presents for his prospective son-in-law. (It was easily seen that there was no income tax in Ethiopia.) After the introductions and etc. Sam took a run out powder to give Makeda a chance to vamp the Pharaoh, but he wouldn't fall for her stuff. After they put on the feed bag he showed them his city from the balcony, and being one of the original golddiggers, Makeda wanted to give the Treasure house the double "O." Pharaoh told her that no man could go near it as the penalty was death. Then, the saphead said she thought there must be a bunch of yeggmen in town as one of her slave girls was glommed the night before. Pharaoh told Menon (he of the secret orders) to find the slave and return her. Then they went down below to get busy on the treaty; and just as Amenes was about to put his John Hancock on the Parchment, the guards of the Treasure house let out a bunch of blasts from their fish horns that sounded like kid Gabriel had arrived. They brought in Ramphis and his petite pullet, Theonis, who were caught shooting marbles or something around the Treasure house. This crabbed the treaty as Pharaoh was madder'n hell and sentenced both to death. The gents of the spears dragged poor Ramphis away and the slave girl flopped to her knees and begscd Amenes to be merciful. Well! the big stiff took one look — and great Caesar fell — like a rock — for those lavish eyes, and my! what a tumble it was. He was hit so hard that he let Ramphis off with life imprisonment at the quarries. Nice fellow, that. Pharaoh and the fettered frail were just getting clubby and asking each other their first names, when, without a word of warning in strolled Sam, the sap, still sore as a pup that the treaty was passed up. He claimed BeJIuraeie Every 'Womans 'Depilatory Only One Way to Tell which Depilatory is Best APPLY DeMiracle to one spot ■ and any other depilatory to another. 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