Photoplay (Jul-Dec 1922)

A MOTION PICTURE DICTIONARY Compiled and Edited by Willard Huntington Wright ithout detn T_TALO, n. That which, de■*■ ■*■ spite its invisibility, sur / rounds the head of every heroine. HANDKERCHIEF, n. cloth used by gentlemen mopping the brow. HORSE, n. A domestic animal characterized by its apparent immunity to diabetes, since it is constantly being plied with sugar by tender-hearted young ladies ment to its health. TDENTICAL, adj. Genetic designation ■*■ for motion-picture plots. IMPROPER, adj. Any display of affection, however slight, on the part of either the leading lady or the leading man, until the latter has formally proposed marriage and been accepted. INCENSE, n. An aromatic taper burned in the boudoirs of ladies of questionable reputation. INFANCY, n. That period of growth in which the motion pictures are supposed to be, and which therefore is advanced as an excuse for all the errors and shortcomings of directors and producers who are not in their infancy. INFORMAL, adj. The manner in which the guests disport themselves at formal affairs. INTERVIEW, n. A collection of innocuous opinions and harmless beliefs which a press-agent deems advisable for a star to hold. INVALID, n. The young brother of an indigent but pure young lady who is the sole support of her family. IAMB, n. The panel of a door, made of papiermache or other fragile material, which will instantly collapse under a blow of the fist. JEWELRY, n. A priceless collection of famous gems kept in the drawer of a dressing-table next to the French windows. JOE-MILLER, n. The leading character in the majority of motion picture comedies. JUROR, n. An old man with white whiskers who constantly dabs his eyes with a bandana while listening to the sad story of the wrongly-accused defendant. KICK, v. t. To place the foot vigorously against the seat of another's pantaloons; practiced extensively as a source of merriment in screen comedies, n. That which the civilized patron feels like registering at the box-office after witnessing one of these comedies. KISS, n. A chaste buss, definitely limited as to length, which always indicates the forthcoming marriage of the participants. LACKEY, ;;. A gorgeously caparisoned male with voluminous sideburns, who is suffering from a disease whose cardinal symptom is an almost inflexible stiffness of the joints. LADDER, n. A climbing device which either falls away or is jocularly removed after one has used it for reaching a high window ledge, with the result that one is always left suspended, as it were, in midair. LAME, adj. The chronic physical condition of all beggars and the younger brothers of virtuous working girls. LAMP, n. The first thing to be broken during a fracas in a Western saloon, the room thus being immediately thrown into darkness so that the pistol shots will appear like spurts of fire. LAPEL, n. That part of the male coat which is shaped like a pelican's wing, and whose point is so long that it can be seen from the rear projecting above the collarbone like a miniature church steeple. LEG, n. The decorative element in \ i motion-picture art. \\ LIBERTY, w. That which the falsely JJ, accused hero receives in the final reel of a picture, and which he celebrates by immediately enslaving himself with the bonds of matrimony. LICENSE, n. A permit issued to a picture by a clique of moralists, as a guarantee of its complete innocuity. A certificate of good behaviour, attesting to a picture's prudery, and hypocrisy. LIFE, n. An elaborate and complex combination of activities and impulses, whose one great fundamental purpose is to bring about a chaste caress between two insipid young persons silhouetted against a crepuscular sky-line. LILY, n. A symbolic flower which motion picture producers are continually endeavoring to gild. LINGERIE, n. (i) The principal property used in the perfumed boudoir photoplays of Cecil deMille. (2) That which put the gloria in Swanson. LION, n. A senile and decrepit beast which always seems to be on the verge of a complete physical breakdown, and which reveals the utmost indifference and ennui toward the exquisitely manicured Christian martyrs who are thrown to it. LIVERY, n. A drum-major's full-dress uniform with epaulettes and gold braid, worn by butlers of the Four Hundred. LOCKET, n. A trinket discovered about a virtuous young lady's neck and containing a photograph which conclusively proves — to the utter amazement of both parties — that the wearer's real name is not La Tour but Schwartz, and that she is no other than the finder's own flesh and blood. LORGNETTE, n. An instrument through which society matrons haughtily inspect all persons presented to them, before acknowledging the introduction. LOVE, n. The leit-motif of all motionpicture dramas. A^ACKINAW, n. An article of clothing J-Vl apparently made compulsory by law in the far North. MAGNATE, n. A middle-aged gentleman with a square jaw, who shakes his index finger belligerently under the nose of every person with whom he converses. MAID, n. An ex-Follies girl who wears sheer silk stockings, satin pumps, and a Paquin model dress of black taffeta surmounted by an expensive lace tablier. MAJORITY, n. A supposedly powerful and dangerous hydra-headed monster with the mind of a moron and the taste of a Hottentot, whose supposititious pruderies and sentimentalities govern the products of the cinema. This monster is held in constant dread by picture producers, who continually strive to placate it with fatuous flattery, and to cater to its appetite by feeding it stupidities seasoned with moralistic object lessons. MANICURE, n. A bit of personal beautification resulting in the finger-nails being sharpened into stilettoes and polished into mirrors. The prime essential in the toilettes of waitresses, tenement landladies, cowboys, island castaways, detectives, house maids, chauffeurs, simple rustic lasses, and burglars. MINISTER, n. A simple-minded person with a bland countenance, who buttons his collar behind and always sits stiffly erect with his fingertips together. MIRROR, n. A piece of glass treated with quicksilver, in which the harassed heroine, while seated at her dressing-table, sees the villain stealthily enter the room through the door behind her. MONOGRAM, n. An elaborate scrolldesign of one's initials, worn by society men on their belt buckles, handkerchiefs, cuff links, shirt sleeves and watch fobs. MORTGAGE, n. A lien against a poor widow's home, which is always overdue. MOTHER, n. An aged and decrepit whitehaired woman of about ninety, suffering from constitutional lachrymositv. MOUSTACHE, n. A hirsute growth on the upper lip, denoting immorality and villainy. (To be continued) 122