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Divorce
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dry can't see it. She has a garden and raises Sweet VHams. Her pet is a Pekingese. She wants music, song, gaiety. Besides, Charlie's unromantic!
I Do you have to knock him unconscious before we get Hi matter settled?" Mary stage-whispered at Charlie ween clenched teeth. "Can't you wait till it's all rJ Business before pleasure, remember." Charlie merely rubbed his head in a daze. The proIjjer gulped and swallowed with surprise, his mouth ifning and shutting like that of a fish. Unable to say a
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I\ ou— you want a divorce? " he finally gasped. " You t want to be ma and pa on the screen? But — but ■?" Well, she says I'm funny looking for one thing!" trlie said.
; I only said if he had 'it' he got 'it' too late. Much too *. Besides," said Mary taking out her handkerchief, harlie isn't fascinating like Francis Ledercr." he producer looked at Charlie accusingly. Couldn't you be a little more fascinating?" he asked. Well, doggone it, I can't be fascinating like that I'uncing Czech.' I tried it and I got water on the knee, i omething," Charlie explained. " I— I" i ^ou see, he doesn't even try," Mary wept into her ' dkerchief. "The day I brought my hair curler to the i ho and offered to curl his hair in darling little ringlel s over his head like Mr. Lederer's, he made a terribb
Why, Mr. Ruggles!" exclaimed the producer. 1 Jn'sed at vou!"
Charlie hung his head but then suddenly he brightened. "Well, I wore a charm for her, didn't I?"
"But you wouldn't keep it on," Mary complained. "You see, that lovely Mr. Ledercr (Charlie moaned) always wears a good luck charm around his neck and Charlie never had anything glamorous around his neck except his Adam's apple and there's nothing glamorous about that. So I persuaded him to wear a darling little charm, too."
"Well, 1 tried to wear it, didn't I? Only the darn thing gave me lumbago and gangrene of the epiglottis."
"Charlie, don't be vulgar," Mary snapped. "What was the charm she gave you?" the producer asked.
"A horse shoe," Charlie groaned, "with all the nails left in. When I stooped over, it took two electricians to help me up. If that's what it takes to make a Francis Lederer out of me, I don't want it. I want a divorce, too."
"Besides," said Mary, "we're incompatible. He has a Oreat Dane and I have a Pekingese." A slight hiss excaped Charlie's lips. "Then, loo, he lives on a ranch and I live in Beverly Hills. He raises grapefruit while I raise Sweet Williams."
"And what else do you raise?" the producer asked Charlie.
"Nuts," answered Charlie.
"And nuts to you," Mary cried. "Besides, people think when they see us on the screen together all the time, we're romantic off the screen. I never see Charlie off the screen. Life is hard enough."
" \onsense, I don't believe I PLEASE TURN to PAGE 97 1
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The rift only widened when Charlie donned earrings and wore a mustache. He still didn't look like a hero to Mary. And Charlie, the old meany, just scowled at Mary when she got Little Bopeepish, crook and all
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