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18
Picture s and Picture poer
FEBRUARY 1924
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I
knew a man named William Brown, Who loved a lovely girl named
Cora, And, oh, he was a silly clown, This humble, innocent adorer.
No matter what she said or did, He did not dare to contradict her; She was the wolf and he the kid, He rabbit, she the boa-constrictor.
Now Cora was a movie fan,
Screen stars alone her heart could
soften, Her mind on filmy menfolk ran, And, womanlike, she changed it often. Week in,week out, from star to star, Her wayward little heart went flitting, Whilst William worshipped from afar And wished instead she'd take up
knitting.
First, Cora said she'd leave her home For handsome debonair Novello, Then told the world that Stewart Rome Was really quite a topping fellow.
Our hero had a gallant heart,
By trade he was a taxi-driver,
He did his best to look the part
And let his hair grow long like Ivor.
Then cut it short, the Stewart way, And practised up a sad expression ; When this was done I grieve to say, That Cora made a fresh digression.
She said Rex Davis beat them all, And with his praises banged the tocsin; So Bill acquired a punching-ball And bought a lot of books on boxing.
His exercises made him thin,
And Cora thought he looked ungainly ;
" If you," said she, " My heart would
win " Get nice and plump like Henry
Ainley."
So William ceased to learn to box And spent his nights and days in eating, He fattened like a Smithfield ox, But Cora's interest was fleeting.
When David Hawthorne played Rob
Roy, Coy Cora said to Bill, poor spartan ;
" 'Twould fill my heart with endless
joy, " If you, my darling, wore the tartan !"
Bill bought a kilt and wore it, too, And got his picture in the papers — With captions : " Kilt for Taxi Jehu, " Eccentric Scotsman Cutting Capers."
The Wandering Jew with Mr. Lang, Next focussed Cora's rapt attention; Said she, " How well his whiskers
hang," What William said I will not mention.
For weeks our William did not shave Though whiskers made his face look
horrid. Then Cora saw the Marcel Wave That ripples on the Naresian forehead.
" There's hair !" she whispered in the
ear Of William, simplest of all simples " I think that I could love you dear " If you would wear your hair in
dimples."
Then William swore an awful oath That sergeant-majors would be banned
for, Cried he : " To leave you I am loath " But one thing I will never stand for.
" I'd sigh for you, I'd die for you, " I'd lie for you like any liar. " There's nothing much I would not do " I'd go through water and through fire.
" But wear my hair in kinky curls "All up-and-downish and Marcellish? " It might be heavenly for the girls " For me I know it would be hellish !
" For weeks you've filled my soul with
fear " By piling Ossa upon Pelion, " The ideal beau for you my dear " Would be a blinking tame chameleon.
" Farewell, a fond farewell to you ; " I know a girl who's too short-sighted " To care about the movie crew " To marry her I'll be delighted."
Bill never goes to movies now, But stays at home with wife
nippers, His hair hangs lank across his brow His kilt's cut up for carpet slippers.
and
Wl*