College Coach (Warner Bros.) (1933)

Special Radio Sketch USE MEMBERS OF FOOTBALL TEAM FOR THIS 10-MINUTE SKETCH By all means have the parts in this “College Coach’ radio sketch played by local high school youths especially members of the football team. kick of the season out of a fling at radio, and will feel They'll get the biggest well paid by the publicity. in the papers, also flash their names on the screen as actors in the broadcast of one of the foremost football pictures of the year. Use recordings for sound effects. Plant stories about them FOUR CHARACTERS Note to Showmen—Persons playing regular roles can very easily double for the seven trustees and the football announcer can be the regular station announcer. CHARLIE GORE: High-powered professional College Coach. CLAIRE: His neglected wife. WEAVER: A conceited imported player. GORE’S PAL: With him at night club. Regular station announcement followed by— ANNOUNCER: Friends, we get a big kick out of being able to entertain you for the next few minutes with flashes of the speedy action of “College Coach,” the Warner Bros. football classic which comes Theatre EASE ota Elta, 8 next. The more-thancompetent cast is headed by Dick Powell, Pat O’Brien, Arthur Byron, Lyle Talbot, Hugh Herbert and the fascinating Ann Dvorak. Others are Guinn Williams, Nat Pendleton, Phillip Faversham, Charles C. Wilson, Donald Meek, Berton Churchill, Arthur Hohl, Harry Beresford, Herman Bing, Joe Sauers, Phillip Reed and 77 of California’s leading football stars. “College Coach” was directed by William Wellman. Mr. (Name of theatre manager or his representative) will briefly outline the situation at the opening of the sketch. NARRATOR: Thank you (name of announcer). The trustees of the college are listening to the reading of the financial report of the institution: FIRST: (reading) — Making a total indebtedness of $625,000 as of today, November 25th—I don’t need to remind you, gentlemen, that a college is just like any other business. We may as well put sentiment aside and admit that Calvert University is facing bankruptcy. SECOND: That’s impossible. As trustees we’re responsible. There must be some way out. THIRD: Not that I know of, that is, unless we draw further on our personal funds. FOURTH: Not me. I’m in for too much now. FIFTH: No more bonds for me. SIXTH: I’d like to get my twenty thousand back. SEVENTH: (wearily) The same old story. Coming to these meetings is a habit I’ve got to break myself of. I’m going to the football game and forget it. SECOND: Wonder how the Northern-Princeton game’s coming out? SEVENTH: There’s the raddio— turn it on. FOURTH: No, no, we’ve got more important things to—(celick of radio). FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER: (voice high-pitched, excited.) PRINCETON VERSUS NORTHERN — WHAT A FOOTBALL GAME — WHAT A OROWD— NEARLY A HUNDRED THOUSAND FANS IN THE STADIUM, | FOLKS — AND IS PRINCETON | WORRIED TSK—TSK—TSK—— FIRST: Turn it off—turn it off— ANNOUNCER: HERE COMES COACH GORE’S NORTHERN TEAM—THEY’RE RUNNING IN THRU THE EAST GATE OF THE Page Fourteen STADIUM—JUST ONE SECOND, FOLKS—V’LL HOOK UP THIS EXTRA MIKE AND LET YOU HEAR THE CROWD ... (Roar of crowd heard—fades to lull in radio talk as first man speaks) FIRST: Our big mistake was financing that science laboratory, and the special chair in chemistry. Half our deficit piled up right there (Football announcer shrieks in) FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER: OH BOY, HOW THEY CAN YELL— THAT WAS THE FANS CHEERING NORTHERN, FOLKS— WHAT A RECEPTION—YOU’VE GOT TO HAND IT TO COACH GORE—WHAT A TEAM—GORE WHAT A TEAM—GORE SELLS THE CUSTOMERS AND DO THEY LOVE IT— FOURTH: (sharply) Would you mind turning that thing off. We have serious business to vote on. SECOND: (good-humoredly) Too bad you don’t think football is a business. Did you hear him say one hundred thousand people paid to see that game. FIFTH: We have a football team here. SEVENTH: Yes, and we haven’t won a game in three years. FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER: WOW—THEY’RE OFF—NORTHERN IS RUNNING BACK THE KICK-OFF — THEY’RE IN THE CLEAR—GREATEST FOOTBALL TEAM ON EARTH — THAT’S WHAT WE SAY ABOUT ALL GORE’S TEAMS—AND WE’RE ALWAYS RIGHT—GORE! GORE! (Second man turns off the radio, excited) SECOND: Do you get what he’s saying? Do you understand it? That’s the idea that’s going to save our school, and all the money we’ve put in it! THREE: What do you mean? What’s football got to do with it? SECOND: Plenty! Northern was as close to bankruptcy two years ago as we are now. Football pulled ’em out. That’s the answer to our problem. Get a good coach. Let him put two hundred thousand dollars in the stadium twelve Saturdays a year and we can dream our troubles away! FIFTH: Not a bad thought. FOURTH: Well, if we’re going into it, why not get Gore! SIXTH: Don’t be ridiculous—he’s under contract to Northern. SECOND: Sure, but a contract doesn’t mean a thing to Gore. They say he’ll break one any time he gets a better offer. ; FOURTH: We can’t afford to pay him. SECOND: We can’t afford not to. FIRST: I’m against having this man Gore here at Calvert on any basis. He’s a headline hunter—an unscrupulous high-pressure showman. I don’t want to see our stu dents turned into tramp athletes and stage-struck performers in his Saturday circus. Why, he’s professionalized every college that’s employed him. Surely we can pay for our lab without resorting to the things he stands for SIXTH: How ean we? (Turns on radio again) FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER: HOT DOG—THERE THEY GO AGAIN —COACH GORE’S BUCCANEERS (almost screaming) AND THEY ARE OVER, FOLKS—A TOUCHDOWN ON A BEAUTIFUL FAKE REVERSE—WRITE UP ANOTHER SCORE FOR GORE — AND JUST HEAR THAT CROWD GO WILD — IT WOULD TAKE A REGIMENT OF MARINES TO STOP THAT GORE BACKFIELD LET’S SEE IF I CAN COUNT THE TOUCHDOWNS cs GORE— SEVENTH: Gentlemen, all in favor of the motion that we hire Mr. Gore as football coach for Calvert University—say “Aye”’— (The “ayes” are drowned in a burst of music from band on the football field. As it fades, narrator continues. ) NARRATOR: Charlie Gore, the new coach, roars his way into Calvert like a lion. You’ll hear him in a moment addressing the raw reeruits in the locker room of the college gym. (Murmur of voices) AIDE: Quiet pleawe—quiet everybody—MR. GORE! GORE: Today we start the job we’ve got to do together. We’re going to build a football team. Do any of you know anything about football? (pause) Because anyone that thinks he does, can turn in his suit right away! (longer pause) Yow’re going to get chucked around. Yow’re going to grind and .sweat, dig in your cleats and fight. Youw’re going to sweat your eyes out, and do your best and — get bawled out for it — when I think you need it. Right now youw’re unimportant as a team. If you played a game this afternoon you couldn’t draw a thousand people. When I get through with you, a hundred thousand crazy fans will dig down and pay to watch you (lowers his voice and relaxes, speaks quickly) That’s all. Now get out of here. Go direct to your group coaches. And remember it’s Gore talkin’—G-O-R-E — GORE! (Sounds of retreating hobnailed feet. Phone rings) (gruffily) Hello! (changing tenderness) Oh, is it you, babe? CLAIRE: (Her voice more faint on other end of line) Who d’ya think it is? What’s keeping ya? Get going! to GORE: I can’t, baby, I can’t. I gotta flock of reporters waiting down at the office — You know how it is — CLAIRE: — how it is. (slowly) Yes, I know GORE: Honey, it’ll just take me a little while — IT’ll be back in half an hour, honest I will. CLAIRE: I’ve hardly seen you since we moved here. It’s worse than it was at Northern. GORE: You’re right, kid. we’ve been through it before. But CLAIRE: And my feelings don’t make any difference, do they? GORE: Who am I doing all this for? Nobody but you. A coupla years and it’ll be over. I’ll have enough to quit this racket. Then we can live like normal human beings again. CLAIRE: (wearily) You’ve been saying that for five years. GORE: This is the time that counts. One big cleanup and we’re through. CLAIRE: (threat in her slow words) We might be through sooner if this keeps up. GORE: Aw, forget it, willya, kid. That’s no way to talk. Why, every time I put a check in the bank, I say to myself, “That’s for Claire.” CLAIRE: I’d rather have less of your money and more of your time. GORE: Listen honey. Right now I’m the best football coach in the world. It’s a racket where they eatch up with you awful quick. Let’s cash in on it while we ean. CLAIRE: Oh, yeah? GORE: You telling me! Listen babe — (softly) — don’t go ’way — Tll be with you in half an hour — no more, no less — Okay? CLAIRE: (cooing) Okay — big boy — (Sound of band supposedly marching on field playing “Stars and Stripes Forever” or Yale‘s “BoolaBoola” or songs from local college) NARRATOR: Gore builds up a smashing team for Calvert. He tries to bribe the profs to pass the foot ball champs at exams. This is resented by young Sargent — who means to major in chemistry — but Weaver, a swaggering and unserupulous imported player, considers everything fair in war. Sargent despises Weaver, who is his roommate, but both have made good on the field. Out of training, for a night, Gore and a pal are seated at a speakeasy table, a bottle between them — when the pal spies Weaver wih Claire — Gore’s pretty wife, and seated in a booth. (Jazz music of orchestra, background for words) GORE: Here’s to Weaver! He probably earned just enough chemistry to mix his own gin—but he sure can—(halts—suddenly seeing Weaver) Say, am I seeing things? Or what in the— PAL: Not a thing, come on, chief! Let’s get out! GORE: Out nothing—going up to give that Weaver the once over! Give him the surprise of his life! One night off won’t hurt him. He took my advice, all right. Who in the heck’s the dame he’s got with him, do you reckon? PAL: What do we care? GORE: She must have been pretty lonesome to go out with that egg. I think I’ll take her over a drink! : PAL: Hold on, wait a minute (voice fading) You don’t want to go over there—Gore—wait—don’t— GORE: Pipe down—let’s get an earful of what they’re saying— WEAVER: Honey, do you love me? CLAIRE: I think yowre very amusing. WEAVER: (wistfully) Well, I know that love comes slow. GORE: (crash of broken heard) Oh, it does, does it? dirty glass You WEAVER: coach— (gulping) Hello— GORE: You double-crossing— PAL: Don’t, Gore—don’t— GORE: Lay off, willya! Weaver, you. rat—you’re team for good! Understand you chiseler! Listen, off the that, CLAIRE: Oh, let me explain— Charlie, darling, GORE: Shut up—go on out with him—beat it, both of ya! CLAIRE: (sobbing) Oh, lie— Char GORE: You’ll have all the time you want now for alley-catting. Move your things out of the house tonight. You and me are all washed up. CLAIRE: Charlie — (Her words are drowned by crashing jazz music from the orchestra, blending into narrator’s voice) NARRATOR: Sargent, the star quarterback, resigns from the team when he discovers that he has passed his exams although he had handed in a blank paper. Weaver, as you have heard, has been fired by Coach Gore. The Calvert team weakened | by the loss of the two-stars;~is* being beaten in the big game due. Gore, desperate, urges his players to win, between halves. GORE: Men, I had a rule I used to stick to before a big game. I made sure I had the best team — and then I’d let the other coach dish out the pep talk. (seriously) I’m talking to you now because I know you’re not the best team. Yow’re light and fast — they’re big and fast they‘re more experienced, they’re playing proselyted athletes, they’re everything you’re not — but there’s still a way to beat them. Play for the breaks. Give them nothing they don’t earn. You linesmen — hit them around the knees. You backs — stay with your interference. And all of you remember that the crowd out there is asking for a hundred thousand dollars worth of ball game. Try to deliver — that’s all — (Band music — break into his words — radio announcer’s shrill, excited speech follows) RADIO ANNOUNCER: — WELIL HERE THEY COME FOR THE SECOND HALF. SHIPLEY IS LEADING 20 TO 0 — LOOKS BAD FOR CALVERT—I’LL BET GORE WOULD TRADE A DOZEN OF HIS TEAM FOR A SARGENT OR A WEAVER — THEY’RE LINING UP FOR A KICK-OFF—THEY— (Radio heard clicking as if turned off) NARRATOR: But we’re compelled to leave you wondering till next at the Strand— when “College Coach” will tell all — and then some! What is the future of Calvert University—How does Weaver make out? And the exiled Claire? And Sargent! How does the Great God Gore come out in the final shakeup and showdown? Yow’ll agree with us that “College Coach” is just about the fastest piece of comedy-drama you’ve seen yet! That’s the opinion of experts of both football and pictures! Until then, friends, we’ll say so long and good luck!