Havana Widows (Warner Bros.) (1933)

pectal Radio Sketch SNAPPY TEN MINUTE SKETCH STRONGLY SELLS PICTURE’S COMEDY! Make a point of having the parts in this sketch played by local young folks. There is usually a drama group, and if not, then officials in young men’s and young women’s clubs, colleges and high schools, will put you in touch with theatre-minded youths. This is FOUR CHARACTERS and all that! SADIE: New York chorus girl, on the sugar-daddy hunt. MAE: Her pal, like her in everything but nerve. HERMAN: Mae’s dumb gunman boy-friend, duped into staking their trip to Havana. it?s no use! = F HERMAN: Say! What’s this all SADIE: (off) Come quick kid. SADIE: (off) That’s all right DEACON JONES: Bald, fat millionaire playboy. about? : Get an eyeful of him!— Deacon— ee ————_. eae _ _ . _ _ ee—_e—_—_—_O_O_O—_—v * SADIE: (tensely) Listen, Her-| MAE: (off) That! Gee— MAE: (off) Don’t be long, Routine Station Announcement Greek’s place! Your boy friend| man. Mae’s got to get a loan of SADIE: Has he got his knees dearie ... followed by Herman himself! ANNOUNCER: Friends, we’re glad to be able to offer for your MAE: So what? right thing. SADIE: I'll show you what! ’Course it’s too bad for the old lady Anything I can do? MAE: (picking up the cue, sighing helplessly) No, Herman, nothing! Thanks for the sympathy, but (sighs) mother’s so far away—and— fifteen hundred bucks, quick—so she ean go back to Kansas and do the always good for news stories in local paper, both before and after the broadcast, and it whips up interest in theatre, station, and the personalities of the players. The radio broadcast of your picture may be made a matter of community interest. MAE: (upset) Don’t clown! Maybe we’re in the wrong room! SADIE: I'll tell you that after I take a gander at the guy, myself! MAE: Watch yourself, Sade. He might shoot— —oh I should say—about the—the usual time. SADIE: FINE! Come, Mae—let’s give the Deacon a chance to dress! DEACON: Thank you, thank you— No use, ladies— DEACON: I—w-won’t—ladies! SADIE: (off) Okay, colonel. (door slams) raised up, kid—or is that all just his stomach? Mae: Who do you think he is? entertainment a sketch built around the hilarious action and dialogue of “Havana Widows,” Warner Bros.First National picture which comes to the Theatre comedy features Joan Blondell, Glenda Farrell, Guy Kibbee, Lyle Talbot, Allen Jenkins, Frank MceHugh, Ruth Donnelly, Hobart Cavanaugh, Ralph Ince, George Cooper, MAE: Go to it, but count me out! That guy’s my idea of nobody, going nowhere, doing nothing! SADIE: You're wrong, girl, all wrong. There’s gold in them thar— (Doorbell rings fiercely three times) Say—raid that ice-box—there’s a hunka cheese—bread and butter— a bottle o’ beer and— (Bell rings again more fiercely) HERMAN: (up in the air) FIFTEEN HUNDRED BUCKS! Holy— MAE: (pleadingly) If I could only get the dough for thirty days I'd pay it back—just the minute I get there and hit up my relatives! HERMAN (as if thinking hard) When you gotta have this dough, baby? SADIE: (breaking in) Tomorrow afternoon. SADIE: (herself again) If he wore a girdle and top-knot I’d say he was a cherub—(snoring) Hey, you—Snap out of it! WAKE UP! DEAOON: (partly awake and bewildered) I’ll get right up, Emily, dear—Why! I—Oh, I beg your pardon, ladies—I—(laughs in sickly manner) I feel terribly, ladies! This isn’t my room! MAE: (low, thrilled tone, supposedly beyond the door) Isn’t this gorgeous, Sade? SADIE: I’ll say. Deacon R. Jones! And right in our lap! MAE: (giggling softly) With a whole stable full of race horses, and owns a place to get more! SADIE: And can’t afford a scan Maude Eburne, Charles Wilson and Garry Owen. Ray Enright directed. This program has an added interest for (name of city) people because the parts are played by (names of local players, and of members of dramatic group, elub or school, to which they belong.) Mr. (name of theatre manager or his representative) will now give a brief summary of the story, leading up to the opening of this sketch. NARRATOR: Thank you (name of announcer). The merry mixup of “Havana Widows,” ladies and gentlemen—grows out of the dissatisfaction with life of two New York burlesque show-girls —Mae and Sadie, who object to appearing at stag smokers. When a former member of the show, turns up in smart clothes and with scads of money, and explains that she got it as a settlement for a threatened breach of promise suit from a millionaire in Havana—and that there are lots more like him—Mae and Sadie decide to go to Havana. But how are they going to get there without any money. Well let’s listen to them discussing this very important little detail. SADIE: We got to beat it to Havana, Mae! MAE: (with disgust) Gotta feed the brute, huh? SADIE: (opening the door) Why, hello, Herman—walk right in! Where you been keepin’ yourself! HERMAN: (tough-guy voice) Hi, Sade—How you makin’ out Mae? MAE: (ceurtly) Okay. HERMAN: Not mad or nothin’, are ya, honey? MAE: What for? Here, sit down and pitch in! SADIE: Don’t have to tell you to make yourself at home—in this house, huh, Herm dear! HERMAN: Oh, that’s all right— SADIE: The beer’s right off the ice— HERMAN: Where’d you cop onto this butter—musta had it near fish or something. It tastes like bananas. MAE: Some kidder, huh? SADIE: Let her rave, Herm. Don’t mind her. You know I’m for you. But—listen, dearie—I don’t want to seem to butt into your personal affairs—but— HERMAN: What in the on. Spill it! SADIE: (trace of emotion in her voice) Lis’n, Herman—do you like Mae here—in a material way—or is it a deeper, finer feeling—if you know what I mean? HERMAN: (heard gulping, struck dumb with the question) Which I don’t! SADIE: (tenderly) Mae’s in trouble, Herman! I am! SADIE: upset. HERMAN: SADIE: HERMAN: Havana. Mrs. surroundings. ously— ? Go MAE: (sharply) How we goin’— walk? SADIE: We gotta go—We gotta go while the gold rush is on! MAE: Right, Sadie, but how? SADIE: I don’t know, but we’re going! If a dumb eluck like her can go and make out all right—a couple of smart dames like us can Queen HERMAN: Say, watta you think Tomorrow aft— MAE: Oh dear, oh dear (begins to sob hysterically) (anxiously) Herman — say something to her—she’s awful (with rough tenderness) Look, baby. You're practically in Kansas right now! I'll get the fifteen C’s from my boss the first thing in the morning— Oh, Herman — you're a darling—ain’t he swell—Mae— MAE: He sure is—Thanks, Herman—You've saved ma’s life— Den’t kiddo—I’ll go right out and get the dough, So long! (Sound of door closing) NARRATOR: We now peep in on Sadie and Mae in the suite of the swankiest hotel in They have registered as Appleby and Mrs. They are slipping off their evening gowns—much impressed with their Mae yawns luxuri MAE: (yawns) Ho hum—maybe we ain’t the queens—huh? SADIE: Wotta you think of this layout, anyway, Missus Knight! MAE: Don’t know whether I’m Catherine of Russia or of the Cannibal Islands— It sure is the berries! SADIE: Yeah, all we gotta do now is find a platinum mine so we SADIE: (grimly) Come on—how did you get in here? WHO ARE YOU? DEACON: (greatly upset) I—I— my suite is right down the hall. Last night we had a little disturbance—and I—thought this suite was vacant—I did indeed, ladies—I— MAE: Disturbance! It looks more like a riot! Half your clothes are out there in the baleony— DEACON: (terribly shocked) Oh, this is awful, ladies! I—will you please—excuse me—but will you please hand me my (elears his throat) trousers. Over there on the window sill, see— SADIE: Do your duty, Mae! MAE: Here you are, pop. DEACON: Oh, thank you 30 much—ladies—wait till I get out my wallet—Here—here it is—my card—and really I hope, ladies— SADIE: (reading the card out loud) DEACON R. JONES—JONES STABLES—MARYLAND— MAE: (dryly) Where’s horse? DEACON: (apologetically) I’ve a number of them. Over at the track. You see I breed them—best horse flesh East or West of the Rockies. But—oh, please, ladies — please— yowre not going to complain about this? Really, ladies, I can’t possibly stand a scandal. It would ruin me. You know—my wife is— SADIE: Your wife! DEACON: Oh, yes, Miss—a very suspicious woman—very, you know, ladies— mention it, swankiest Knight. your (yawns) dal! We’ve got to get in touch with that lawyer, right away—they say he’s a shark! He gets a girl what she wants, right when she wants it. MAE: Sadie—at last the bank roll’s in sight! SADIE: (bubbling over) Why you chump, you’re practically drawing checks on it—right now! MAE: The old goof must have his glad rags on by now— SADIE: I'll knock—(does pause, knocks again) MAE: Why don’t he answer— SADIE: Open the door— MAE: (excitely) He’s gone, Sade he’s gone—right out the window! SADIE: Thinks he’ll get away from us, does he! Oh, yeah? Gotta get in touch with that lawyer, right away. Ill call the desk! (into phone, with sudden affected swankiness) Hello! This is Missus Appleby! Is there a Mr. Duffy a lawyer, still stopping in the house! There is? And he’s in? Good! Will you please ask him to come to room 607! At once, please! What? Business? Why certainly it’s business! Thank you! (Hangs up) MAE: Swell! Now, what’s the next step! SADIE: (dryly) You slip a ‘comehither’ dressing gown on. Mr. Duffy’s coming right down—and it ain’t going to do no harm to make him think it’ll be easy to get the marbles. MAE: A little new _ shellac wouldn’t go so bad on that face of yours, either, Sade. 80) take over the joint! MAE: But— SADIE: Listen, kid, we’re getting older all the time! This is our last chance! We’ve got to do something! We've got to get to Havana, and start putting money in the bank. If we don’t—in two or three years more, we'll be right behind the eight-ball! MAE: (dryly) The _ seven-ball. There’s no room behind the eight HERMAN: W-w-what? SADIE: (with a break in her voice) An operation— HERMAN: Oper— MAE: this! SADIE: Don’t mind her, Herman, she’s trying to hide the truth from you, poor kid— HERMAN: (dumbly) What kind of an operation? (incensed) Say, what is ean stay here!—Might pull the blinds down—come to think of it. MAE: Right! (off) Moonlight’n everything. Sade, ho Sade, look here. What do you think of this! SADIE: Think of what?— MAE: Strewed all along the balcony—look—a man’s garter—and a sock and a— SADIE: (off) Well, for cryin’ out loud—a necktie and a collar—And see down there—all that broken SADIE: (excitedly) I think we better invite Mister Duffy to dinner tonight, too—so he can see the lay of the land—(Uncertain knocking at door followed by crashing fall as if somebody had fallen against ‘+t and broken a flask). MAE: that? SADIE: We’ll soon see! What’s wrong out there? (pause) SADIE: (apparently cordial) Why, Deacon! How can you even think we’d cause trouble! Imagine it, Mae! MAE: I wouldn’t even dare think of it! DEACON: Oh, that’s very sweet of you, ladies—I— SADIE: (subtly) We’ll have a good laugh over it, Deacon, sometime—at dinner! Heavens, Sade, what’s ball! SADIE: We’ll get the dough for the trip somehow! You leave it to me! I’ll manage everything! (sudden bright thought) I'VE GOT IT! HERMAN!!! MAE: (instantly chilling) Nothing doing. I’ve been trying to comb that mug Herman out of my hair for the last six months. I should obligate myself to him! (as an afterthought) Besides—he’s always broke! SADIE: (looking from window) Well, talk about luck! Pipe that, willya, down there, comin’ outa the glass— MAE: pose has SADIE: (pleadingly) Go on, Mae dear—tell him. MAE: (puzzled) What?—Say, listen— SADIE: See how worried and upset she is, Herman! Oh, well, (with a deep sigh) what can you do? HERMAN: Gee, Mae, I didn’t know you was— SADIE: Oh, it ain’t her, Herman. It ain’t Mae gettin’ the operation (weepily) It’s her poor dear mother. HERMAN: (roused) Her old lady! Good night! Here you had me settin’ here worrying about Mae! SADIE: on, clearer). MAE: Gosh, Sade, watcha suphappened — (sound of snoring) Listen-what’s that? (snoring louder) Why, it’s in our bedroom, Mae! MAE: Why, so it is!— SADIE: Go ahead and peep in— MAE: Go yourself! SADIE: Oh, sure? (snores keep (off) stricken) It’s a man— SADIE: (joyously) Didn’t I tell you our luck would change! DEACON: (laughing weakly) Yes, oh yes—dinner—why of course —we’ll have to have dinner together sometime— SADIE: (laughing with him) I was just saying to Mae that we didn’t have a thing to do tonight! Wasn’t I, Mae? MAE: Sure was, Sadie! DEACON: (hot and _ bothered) Well—now—that is odd—isn’t it— MAE: What time did you want us to be ready, Colonel—I mean, Deacon! DEACON: (uncomfortably) Well Sadie — (panic MAE: I’m scared stiff, Sade! Maybe he’s— SADIE: Anytime he is (opens door—Mae shrieks) Why it’s—it’s our lawyer—It’s Duffy! MAE: (tremulously) Is he—oh, Sade—is he dead— SADIE: Dead-drunk—the boob! NARRATOR: And that is just a starter of the uproarious ventures and misadventures of Sadie and Mae — “Havana Widows,” which COMES bOCME UTANG —..2.,25-..3e0c0ne-cnree They will give you the laugh of your life! Don’t forget! Till then— Good night! Page Nine