Jimmy the Gent (Warner Bros.) (1934)

Special Radio Sketch FIVE CHARACTERS: JIMMY CORRIGAN (James Cagney) : Head of a fake heir-hunting firm in love with Joan. WALLINGHAM (Alan Dinehart): Suave head of a rival agency pretends interest in Joan. JOAN (Bette Davis): Former secretary of Corrigan—now of Wallingham. LOUIE (Allen Jenkins): Roughneck aide of Jimmy Cor rigan. PHONE GIRL: In office of Jimmy Corrigan. VOICES: In office of Corrigan. station announcement followed by— ANNOUNCER: By special arrangement with Manager .............. of the Theatre Station WPZU is enabled to offer you flashes of the snappy action and dialogue of “Jimmy The Gent,’ the Warner Bros. picture featuring James Cagney and Bette Davis and coming to the next. Other favorites in the cast are Alice White, Allen Jenkins, Arthur Hohl, Phillip Reed, Ralfe Harolde, Alan Dinehart, Nora Lane and Mayo Methot. Michael Curtiz directed. Mr. (name of theatre manager or his representative) will give you the situation at the opening of the sketch. NARRATOR: Thank you (name of announcer). Hard-hitting Jimmy Corrigan—a deezedem-and-doze guy—is in the business of locating missing heirs, when this is possible, and when not, in supplying fake ones. His main aide is goofy Louie whom he likes so much that he beats him to a pulp, daily. Jimmy is still sore at Joan, his former blonde secretary who has left him because she doesn’t like his business ‘ethics’. Joan is now located with Wallingham—head of a rival heir-chasing firm— a pompous and extremely swanky hypoerite. Louie has been out supposedly looking up dope on an accident “case..-He is late and Corrigan has been calling the operator in the outer office and foaming at the mouth. (Sound of typewriting—mumble of voices—) Regular LOUIE: (cockily) Hello, gang, | any calls for me? PHONE GIRL: (shrilly) Any CALLS? T’ll say! Where you been—? LOUIE: (tough) Who wants t’? know? PHONE GIRL: (evidently chewing gum) Just a friendly int’rest, Louie! LOUIE: Oh, yeah? PHONE GIRL: The Boss has been huntin’ high and low for you! LOUIE: (evidently scared) No foolin’. PHONE GIRL: Yow 'll find out when he gets you on the carpet! He’s sore as a berl, believe me! Just where have you been? Come clean now! LOUIE: Why, where d’ya suppose! Looking for an heiress! PHONE GIRL: Tell that to the— JIMMY: (off, fiercely from inner office) Come on in here, you goof’. VOICES: (heard through typing) ‘Good bye, Louie’—“What kind o’ flowers do you want?”?— “T’ll say a little prayer for you Louie—’ (someone chants the “Dead March”) LOUIE: (fading) Aw, pipe down—you buncha_ palookas (door heard opening and shutting) Say, listen, Boss—I— JIMMY: (roaring) You lazy, good f’ nothin’ ape! You dumb, dizzy dope! LOUIE: Wait a minit, Boss! Lemme explain, cancha? (sound of a wallop) OW! JIMMY: I don’t know what keeps me from takin’ a GOOD punch at you! LOUIE: (plaintively) You don’ even know what I’m gonna say! JIMMY: Neither do you! LOUIE: (desperate) Lissen, Jimmy: may I never live t’ see my mother alive! JIMMY: Keepin’ y’r Boss waitin’! Is that the way you think a gen’leman wants to conduck his business! IS IT? LOUIE: Jeez, I’m_ sorry.— Well, I gotta go now on that Bayard case. JIMMY: (grufily )Wait a min ute—wait a minute! The truth now, mind—whole and _ nothin’ but! Where you been? LOUIE: (startled) Me?—Why —er—lookin’ up that Esmee Bayard heiress, Boss. JIMMY: Who’s she? LOUIE:—You know—that lead . you gimme—the heirs of that dame that croaked in the bath tub— JIMMY: So what? LOUIE: Well, I finally found a tomato that answers the description ... lovely girl—she fits perfect. Blonde. Blue eyes. About five feet three in her stockin’ feet— JIMMY: Go on! LOUIE: Little brown mole— JIMMY: It wasn’t a mole— it was a wart you dope—(buzzer sounds) YEAH? PHONE GIRL: (dimly as if over phone) Miss Joan is here! JIMMY: Tell her to wait! (hangs receiver on hook) LOUIE: So dat dame’s beatin’ it back to de old jernt, huh? I wonder you even bid her de time o day—after quittin’ youze for dat lah-de-dah of a Wallingham! She says he’s got the ETHIOS— whatever de heck kindo rash that is! (siren shrieks past—heard off —clearer as Louie throws up window) Brothers a Saint Francis Horse-pital! JIMMY: No it ain’t! You got to lamp it, to know dat sound? Cancha reconize that sireen? EMOIGENCY! LOUIE: (Sound of window sash banging shut, sound fainter) Emoigency, yeah! (as if relieved) Well, that leaves US out! JIMMY: (with wise intonation) Who says it leaves us out? Where does your Uncle Jimmy come in? LOUIE: Nowheres, if ya ast me! Jeez, Boss, Wallingham’s got that jernt sewed up! He PAYS enough— JIMMY: Oh yeah? Lissen, boy! Wallingham PAYS an’ I GET! (as an afterthought)— The crook! LOUIE: Jeez, Boss, I didn’t know you had no IN—down to Saint Francis’s! JIMMY: Lissen, Mugg! Any hot tips about heiresses that comes outa that butcher-shop, I GET! See! LOUIE: Jeez, Boss! are some guy! JIMMY: So ya thought Mister Wallingham got it all, huh? LOUIE: He swiped JOAN offa ya, didn’t he? JIMMY: Pipe down about Joan! Send her in—and BEAT IT! Get me? BEAT IT! Well— do ya want me to— LOUIE. Coit); Okay: (Door opens and bangs). JIMMY: (lifts receiver) Send in Miss Joan—and be quick about it! (click of phone—pause—he whistles a few bars of “Shuffle Off to. Buffalo—sound of door opening) Well, well! If it ain’t You sure Boss little Joaney! Hi-yuh, Baby! C’mon in! Same old bright-eyes, huh! Same little old peroxide! Boy, it’s swell to see ya! Y’know I was .just thinkin’ about ya! JOAN: (quietly) I wish you wouldn’t, Jimmy. JIMMY: Wouldn’t what? JOAN: Think about me. JIMMY: Whassa matter, Baby? JOAN: I’m liable to catch something—hanging out in YOUR mind. JIMMY: here t’ insult me? JOAN: Yes, if it’s possible. JIMMY: (easily) Well, y’ got a pretty good start. What’s on your mind? Say! Did you come JOAN: (crisply) Ronnie Gatsen, JIMMY: (startled—indignant) That doity little rat! Did he go and squeal! JOAN: No, I caught him. I was in the next telephone booth and heard him tipping you off on Mr. Wallingham’s business! JIMMY: (sarcastically) Mister Wallingham’s business, huh? (sincerely) Gee, that’s too bad! JOAN: (incredulous but hopeful) You mean—you’re sorry, Jimmy? JIMMY: (still utterly sincere) Coitanly, I’m sorry! Sperls my set-up! JOAN: (disappointed and disgusted) Oh. That’s it. JIMMY: An’ besides, I don’t like to see ANYbody get caught. JOAN: (pent up) You don’t care what anybody does, Jimmy Corrigan — it’s just getting caught— JIMMY: wrong with ness, ain’t I? JOAN: Yl say! Crooked business. JIMMY: Lissen, business is crooked. JOAN: (dropping each word with measured contempt) Signed: Jimmy Corrigan, the boy with the worm’s-eye view! JIMMY: (with irritated patience) Lissen, Baby: there’s just two kinds a guys in business; the ones that get caught—like What’s I’m in busi (amazed) that? Baby—all you said—and the ones that don’t. JOAN: It would give you a bad minute, wouldn’t it, to know there’s lots of men who don’t look at things the way you do? JIMMY: (hotly) Name ONE! (suddenly, before she can answer) Never mind! I know! That big salami you woik for! WALLINGHAM! I'd call him just plain ham! JOAN: (with mock sweetness) He bothers you, doesn’t he? JIMMY: Like a crumb in a union suit! JOAN: (changing her tone and speaking softly) He'll always bother you, Jimmy; because he’s got something you haven’t. JIMMY: (fiercely) You're right. He HAS got something I ain’t got! He’s got YOU! That’s all he’s got that I want. He took YOU away from me—but Vll— JOAN: He didn’t take me away! I left of my own accord for a little decency. JIMMY: Oh, I suppose it’s decent of him t’ bribe all them noises and intoines at the Emoigency? JOAN: (taken aback) He doesn’t bribe them—he pays them for decent service— JIMMY: (cutting in) And to keep ME from gettin’ the same! JOAN: So he can help decent people get what’s coming to them. JIMMY: Both of us is in this racket t’ make what we can out of it! JOAN: Only Mister Wallingham has ETHICS! JIMMY: There you go!—I don’t care if he’s got CARBUNCLES! (with suppressed fury) The only difference between me and him is that he’s got a slicker line! JOAN: He’s that! JIMMY: And he carries a sharper knife—sticks it in between y’ fourth and fift’ ribs an’ y’ don’t know yow’re dead till y’ get home. got more than JOAN: (furious) You can’t talk about him like that! JIMMY: Oh, yes I ean. JOAN: Good BYE! JIMMY: Cut it! Set down there, before I— JOAN: I won't sit down! Quit! Take your hands off of me! You think you can make yourself clean—by trying to make him dirty, don’t you? JIMMY: (pushing her down) Set DOWN there, I te’ ya! Lissen! Wallingham’s a chiseler— same as me! JOAN: Mr. Wallingham is a gentleman—and you’re a CROOK! JIMMY: And what’s more I know why he wants you there —(sound of stinging slap) JOAN: Take that—you fresh little— JIMMY: (wildly) No, you’re not going! If you try to—Pll— (fiercer slap) JOAN: Get out of my way— you— JIMMY: (suddenly pleading) Aw—Baby—I‘LL get ETHICS— honest I will—Don’t go—Baby— PLL: get ’em! JOAN: (off) You’d BETTER! (door bangs shut). JIMMY: (to himself d-ubtfully) I GOT ethics—I got ’em just as much— LOUIE: (door opens) Gee whillakers, Boss—what’s she got goin’ NOW? JIMMY: (plaintively) Lissen, Louie, serious! Ain’ I got ethics? LOUIE: (placatingly) Sure, Boss, YOU got ’em— JIMMY: (himself again) Don’t you YES me, you dope! LOUIE: I ain’t yessin’ ya, Boss— JIMMY: Tryin’ to make a liar outa me, huh! LOUIE: Jeez, no, Boss! I was just— : JIMMY: Then watta y’ standin’ there like a boob for? LOUIE: Look, Boss—I got Stoogey Ike on de phone (almost in a whisper)—an’ he give me all de dope on that Emoigency—An old dame she was, see—but lousy wid dough—got it sewed in her skoits—and— JIMMY: (not hearing) Lissen Louie—and no backtalk! LOUIE: I’m lissenin’ Boss— JIMMY: AM I a GEN’LEMAN—or ain’t I a gen’leman? LOUIE: (soothingly) Sure y’re a gen’leman, Boss! JIMMY: Yeah? LOUIE: You been a sucker for class all your life? YOU'RE a gen’leman, sure! JIMMY: Then with that jane? LOUIE: (dumbly, What jane? JIMMY: (in enormous disgust) WHAT JANE! Come here you— till I— LOUIE: Oh, I get ya now— JOAN you mean—I getya! JIMMY: So’ll SHE get me! Why, I’ll break that dame’s neck! wassa matter whining) Pll—I’ll SHOW her who’s a gen’© leman! (A few bars of snappy jazz if music is desired) NARRATOR: Jimmy _ Corrigan decides to swallow his spleen and make a visit to Wallingham’s office—just to get a line on the ETHICS he is so amply supplied with, according to Joan. All this he does to win Joan’s respect—Her love he is pretty sure he has already. He is now with Joan in the spiffy office of the over-elegant Mr. Wallingham —Tea is being served. WALLINGHAM: (in a condescending manner) Oh, by the way, Mr. Corrigan—Joan and I were thinking of you only this afternoon—were’nt we Joan? JOAN: (slyly) I believe we did mention Jimmy. WALLINGHAM: Allow me, Joan. That tray (tinkle of cups) is entirely too heavy for you! (with veiled sarcasm) Oh, Mr. Corrigan you may be interested to know—won’t you sit down, Mr. Corrigan—that we had one of your men working for us today—that is he was working in our Offices. JIMMY: Oh—yeah—no_ hard feelin’s—I hope— WALLINGHAM: Surely not, Mr. Corrigan. Do sit down! JIMMY: Thanks. JOAN: Cream or lemon, Jimmy? JIMMY: (unsure) A little of each. JOAN: You don’t take sugar, do you? JIMMY: (perish the thought) Oh no! No sugar! Almost too ha)—isn’t it me pass the WALLINGHAM: long a reach—(ha Mr. Corrigan—Let cup to you? JIMMY: Tauks. WALLINGHAM: I really don’t blame you for not taking sugar, Mr. Corrigan—I tell Joan that sugar in this Jasmine tea is a minor blasphemy. JIMMY: Yeah? Oh, sure! That’s what I think! (tinkle of cup and saucer) WALLINGHAM: Well, well, Mr. Corrigan? Your knee seems to be developing cup-and-saucer trouble, doesn’t it? They are awkward to handle! Have a biscuit, won’t you? JIMMY: (puzzled) Biscuits? —Oh, yeah—They didn’t toin out so good, did they—these here— biscuits! WALLINGHAM: Ha ha, delightful! Do you know, Joan, I believe we don’t take food half seriously enough here in the States! Take for instance the mortadella in Italy —the petite marmite in France—(almost dreamly) the calamarius con sul tienta in Spain! JIMMY: (overcome by the elegance of it all, almost in a whisper) Oh boy! JOAN: (earnestly) Vm crazy to travel! WALLINGHAM: (with unnecessary emphasis) I should love to show you Paris! JOAN: More tea, Jimmy? JIMMY: Why—er—oh yeah, sure! I’m thoisty, d’ya know it. I—Tanks, Joan. You drink tea, reg’lar, Mr. Walling—ham! WALLINGHAM: Religiously, Mr. Corrigan. —For that matter, why shouldn’t the amenities be brought into the business world? JIMMY: (seriously) I don’t know—Why shouldn’t they? JOAN: Excuse me! (goes out quickly shutting door) WALLINGHAM: Smoke? JIMMY: (nervously) Not now! —Lissen, Mr. Wallingham. I’m gonna give you a tip on that old dame that eat the poison cheese sandwich—at the Emoigency—you know, she (goes on like the wind)—one o’ my men, Louie—he got the dope, see—her name was Sarah Barton. Her nearest a kin is a guy, name a Monty! There, now we start even! You know all I know. That’s (proud of himself) That’s ethics, ain’t it? WALLINGHAM: It certainly is, Mr. Corrigan! Thank you a lot! ; JIMMY: And NOW —Lissen! (with mounting emphasis) Where do you get them clothes made? Who fixed up this office? An’ how long does it take a mugg +’ loin t’ speak English? WALLINGHAM: Well, my good man, I—(door opens) JOAN: (coming in) You're wanted on the long distance, Mr. Wallingham— WALLINGHAM. Thanks, Joan. Youll pardon me, Mr. Corrigan? JIMMY: (a bit too quickly) Sure thing. (door opening and closing, he speaks in low hurried voice) Lissen Joan—I made a clean breast of it t’? that big piece o’ cheese. I told him all the dope we copped on him— what you hoid on the phone outa Ronnie! I come clean, kid see— JOAN: (impressed) Did you really, Jimmy? JIMMY: I sure did—I wanna go now before that crook comes back in— . JOAN: Jimmy— JIMMY: I’m gonna get ethics —kid—believe me—and you know who for! (Several bars of popular music. Suggest “Did You Ever See a Dream Walking” if permission can be had from publishers) NARRATOR: And this, friends, is only the beginning of one of the fastest, funniest pictures of the season. All the family is assured of a grand and glorious time. “Jimmy the Gent” comes EG ENB ipcence: Thea te 3 sr next. Until then, good night and Good Luck. THE END Page Nineteen