Lady Killer (Warner Bros.) (1933)

Radio sketches based upon motion pictures have become extremely popular with radio stations who are glad to use them as part of their sustaining program. Plant this sketch with your local radio station. If possible, make a radio sketch based upon one of Special Radio Sketch CORKING 10 MINUTE RADIO SKETCH FOR LOCAL STATION FIVE CHARACTERS: DAN QUIGLEY: Theatre usher and ex-crook who becomes a movie star. MYRA GALE: Racketeering blonde who "makes" and un makes Dan. LOIS UNDERWOOD: Movie Queen who helps Dan toward stardom. SPADE: Myra's crook brother-in-law. GEORGE: Publicity man. VOICE: Assistant director (two parts can double). Regular Station Announcements followed by ANNOUNCER: We are pleased, friends, to be able to offer for your entertainment an unusual sketch containing flashes of the comedydrama of “Lady Killer,” the latest Warner Bros. picture, starring James Cagney and coming to the Strand Theatre .... next. Screen favorites included in Mr. Cagney’s support are Mae Clarke, Leslie Fenton, Margaret Lindsay, Henry O’Neill, Willard Robertson, Douglas Cosgrove, Raymond Hatton, Russell Hopton, George Blackwood, William Davidson, Marjorie Gateson, Robert Elliott, John Marston, Douglass Dumbrille and George Chandler. “Lady Killer” was directed by Roy Del Ruth. Mr. (name of theatre manager or his representative) will tell you briefly the situation at the beginning of the sketch. NARRATOR: Thank you (name of Announcer). In “Lady Killer,” ladies and gentlemen, the aggressive Jimmie Cagney gets a chance to display all the traits which have made him famous, and then some. We see him first as Dan Quigley— a gold-braided, quick-tempered theatre usher, who riles poodle-carry| ing fat ladies, shoots craps on the sly, and soon gets fired. He is lounging in the lobby of a ritzv hotel when BIG ADVENTURE comes his way! A_ gorgeously dressed platinum blonde drops her purse. Danny hops a taxi, and speeds after her car to her apartment. She responds to the buzzer in due time, appearing in an allurhd negligee — and we now hear er. MYRA: What is it, boy? DANNY: Yeah, you’re the doll all right! MYRA: What doll? DANNY: You’re the jane that dropped this purse in the lobby. I yelled to you, but I guess you didn’t hear me. MYRA: Oh! Thanks, I didn’t miss it till I got home. I wondered where I lost it! (click of opening the purse). DANNY: Oh, it’s all there. I | didn’t cop any of it. MYRA: Oh, I didn’t mean it that way, buddy. There’s not enough for a reward. Ain’t it a shame! DANNY: Forget it, sister — I wouldn’t sponge on you—not even for a dime—I wouldn't. MYRA: (with Mae West comehither voice) Won’t you—come in a minute? DANNY: (with gusto) Who wouldn’t! MYRA: (door shutting) Sit down, won’t you? DANNY: Thanks. MYRA: (off) Have a drink? DANNY: How about two of ’em —one for you? MYRA: TI’ll have a little one (clink of glasses). Pour your own? DANNY: Sure, two ounces—one for each tonsil! (sound of pouring and of door opening—man yawning’). SPADE: Ho hum—gee, I’m all in! (seeing Myra’s guest). Oh, Myra, excuse me! Didn’t know you had comp’ny! MYRA: (mock sincerity). That’s all right, Spade. Lost my purse— this gent returned it. Whatya say your name was, kiddo? DANNY: Dan Quigley, Irish on both sides. MYRA: Meet my brother-in-law, Mr. Maddock—‘“Spade” for short. DANNY: Glad to meetcha: SPADE: Same to you. DANNY: I see you’ve got a little game goin’ on in there. SPADE: Just nickel-ante—three of the boys from my lodge. DANNY: Mind if I kiss myself in—make it five-handed ? SPADE: Not at all. A new customer might change my luck! DANNY: Hate to leave you, sister, but you know— MYRA: Go right ahead (softly) Danny! (Music) NARRATOR: Danny Quigley does go ahead—and Spade and his boys take him over for all he’s worth—fifty bucks! He leaves with Myra’s thanks, and her invitation to be back “to see her some time.” On the way out he bumps into another fall guy, returning another of Myra’s purses. Danny explains that he will give it to her and the stranger goes. Danny presses the buzzer in a rage, and when the startled girl opens the door, flares at her sarcastically— DANNY: Say, lady, did you lose your purse? MYRA: Chase yourself, you big DANNY: Oh, yeah? We’ll see about that! Open the door! MYRA: Nothing doing! Peta 8 Open the door! MYRA: (calling) Spade! SPADE! (door heard opening). SPADE: (off) Say, what’s the big idear! DANNY: (in a fury) Tryin’ to make a sucker out of me, huh? Tryin’ to pull a fast one. I’m wise to your racket. I’m not as dumb as I look. Come on, you chiselers, kick back with my fifty bucks! SPADE: Don’t get excited. Let’s talk it over. DANNY: Talk nothin’ over. 1 want my dough! The game was crooked. MYRA: You lost your money in the game. Go on, get out of here. DANNY: You shut your trap or I’11 stick my shoe in it. And as for you, Spade—you and your monkeys, I’m tellin’ you right here— if you don’t kick back with my fifty bucks—I’ll squawk my head off to every cop in town. I’ll have the joint pinched! SPADE: (angrily) All right, all right, here’s your fifty bucks. Now get out of here! DANNY: Wait till I count it— I wouldn’t trust you in—(buzzer sounds). MYRA: (off, in other room, opening door) What is it? VOICE (man in hall) I found this purse, madam—I— MYRA (off) Oh, thank you so much—I—(she slams the door after her). Or Ho, SPADE: (tough) You got your dough, Quigley, SCRAM! DANNY: Listen, wise guy — I got a proposition to make. There’s another sucker out in the hall with a purse and a bankroll. SPADE: Well? DANNY: What’s it worth to you guys for me to keep my trap shut? SPADE: What’s your angle? DANNY: Just this — you birds kick into me with ten per cent of whatever you take the chump for, or I’ll tip the sucker off he’s headed for the cleaners. SPADE: You'll keep your trap shut, or [’ll— DANNY: SHUT UP! Listen, you guys have got a sweet racket here and you’re goin’ to cut me in on the profits. SPADE: You’re pretty smart, ain’t ya? DANNY: (casually) Yeah — I been around. SPADE: All right, it’s a deal. DANNY: (off) Okay? DANNY: (off) Gonna put the girl friend wise (heard opening door). All right, Miss — let the gentleman in! (Music—“In the Money”) NARRATOR: The racket is going big. Swankiest society is frequenting the “Seven Eleven Club.” Danny gets the layout of the mansions, Spade, and the others, rob them, Myra plays her purse-losing game—and the goose hangs high, till a butler fails to come to, after a black-jacking — and the police round up the gang—all but Myra and Danny, who escape. Danny buys a ticket for points west— anxious to shake the lot of them— but just before the Limited starts for the Coast he goes into his compartment to discover Myra, comfortably seated and puffing a cigarette. Amazed he cries: DANNY: What in the heck do you want? MYRA: You! DANNY: Rats!—Where’s Spade? MYRA: They locked him up. I walked out with the guests from the gambling room. They never even stopped me. DANNY: Yeah. I’ll bet they let you go, so they could trail you and find me. Where do you think you’re goin’ ? MYRA: I’m going with you! DANNY: (fiercely) Say, listen, Bad News! Get this! MYRA Needn’t yank the clothes off me! I’m list’nin’! DANNY: You’re GETTIN’ OFF! I’m washed up with the whole business, includin’ YOU! Get goin’— (sounds of train starting slowly). MYRA: I won’t! (struggling) I won’t, I tell you! They haven’t got a thing on you, unless I tell them. GET THAT? You’re safe—as long as I don’t open my mouth. Now! Don’t you think you’d better treat me right, Danny darling? California must be swell! Sunshine all the year ’round—and— DANNY: What else they got out there ? MYRA: Oranges — Lemons — figs — prunes — DANNY: What’ll we do—run a fruit stand? (train sounds louder). MYRA: You might get in the movies—handsome guy like you— DANNY: Oh, yeah—(mollified) ain’t so worse yourself— MYRA: It’s you ought to know— DANNY: Yov’re tellin’ me — (train in full action). Well, we’re off, baby— (Music “California, Here I Come’’) NARRATOR: But the fates have bigger adventures in store for Danny Quigley. The Los Angeles police hail him to the Station House for questioning. Spade and the rest of the hocdlums arrive — and Myra to save her own hide—beats it with them. Danny, furious at her desertion, is looking for work— when a scout for a Hollywood picture company picks him out as an extra—to do a tough guy in a synthetic jail-break. He is _ later stripped, striped with war paint and topped off with a feathered head-rigging as a red Indian. Worn to a frazzle—the box of lunch which has just been hurled at him —under his arm—he comes onto a dainty portable dressing room— steps inside and stretches himself on the couch, yawning! A nifty brunette, dressed in gingham and sun-bonnet, enters and looks him over with wide-eyed and amused astonishment: DANNY: Park yourself, baby, park yourself. LOIS: (pretending embarrassment) Hope I’m not intruding. DANNY: Not a bit. You working in this horse opera? LOIS: Yes! What in heaven’s name are you made up for? DANNY: A feather duster! Say, this game is the bunk, ain’t it? Three bucks a day and this box lunch that would kill a horse. This bananner’s the only thing fit to eat in it— LOIS: (agreeably) Mine’ll here in a jiffy. I’ll divvy up— DANNY: You been in this racket long? LOIS: years. DANNY: And still doin’ extra work! What’s been holdin’ you back ? LOIS: Well—here the lunch is now. Set it down here, Marie. Thank you! DANNY: Say, that’s swell, havin’ your lunch brought in here to you! Say, Marie, bring me in a layout like that! LOIS: Never mind, Marie, you can run along. Oh, Mister—? DANNY: Aw, call me Danny! LOIS: Have a sandwich, Danny ? DANNY: Gee, you must be on a diet? GEORGE: (publicity man, breezily, off) Pardon me, Miss Underwood! LOIS: Yes. GEORGE: (off, but nearer) The Publicity Department is waiting to take those fashion stills for the New York fashion magazines. LOIS: (breezily) All right, George. send my chauffeur over at 4 o’clock to pick me up. GEORGE: By the way, Miss Underwood, here’s the new issue of Film Play. Nice picture of you, on the cover. LOIS: Mm — very flattering. Thank you, George. GEORGE: (off) Okay. DANNY: (suddenly getting it) I GET IT! (Snaps his fingers.) 1 must be daffvy—I knew I saw your pan before. You’re LOIS UNDERWOOD—I didn’t know you with your hair in a braid. LOIS: I’m playing the virgin daughter of the old prospector— imagine that! DANNY: (excitedly) You You’re playin’ them swell society dames — dolled up in their dress with no front or back — their comin’-out gowns. You know, baby — one sneeze and you’re out. be Oh, a little over eight LOIS: Come on. Have some lunch. DANNY: -(meaning it) Say, you’re a swell skirt. I thought all] those movie stars had to reach way out here—~ou know, boardin’ house reach—to scratch their heads— LOIS: Not me. I consider myself simply lucky — to have got where I am. Here. Have some more of this— DANNY: Thanks. Say, how’d you get started in this game, anyhow? LOIS: Oh, I won a beauty contest in Atlantic City—a producer saw me in a one-piece bathing suit, and gave me a screen test. DANNY: That guy had brains, I’m tellin’ the world. LOIS: No, it just happened that I got a good part. The public the pictures you are playing, a regular weekly affair. Artists attached to the station or recruited from local dramatic societies and schools can play the various parts. Publicize the broadcast in your local radio columns. seemed to like me. Fan letters began to come in. I’m always afraid I'll wake up and find it all a dream. Some of us get the breaks, others who deserve them more, never do. DANNY: Listen, girlie, you got yourself sized up all wrong. You’re one swell dish. I— VOICE: (off, calling hoarsely) EVERYBODY ON THE SET — PLACES — EVERYBODY — DANNY: I gotta scram. Slip me a fistful, willya, sister? — and thanks for the eats—(off) I’ll be seein’ ya— (Music) NARRATOR: Danny Quigley’s meeting with Lois spurs him on— not that he needs spurring. He clicks in his roles—fan letters begin pouring in—(how he. does it forms one of the surprises in “Lady Killer”). He climbs in the movie world—Lois backs him up—and he is finally made a STAR! He is taking the beautiful Lois Underwood for a tour of inspection through his newly decorated apartment. He is about to show her his bedroom—but on turning the knob —sees, to his horror, Myra, lying in the bed—the reading light on— as she leafs a fan magazine. He tries to keep Lois from entering the room. DANNY: No, we won’t go in there, Lois—we—we (flustered) the decorator is still working— LOIS: What does that matter? Let me have a look. I might have some suggestions— DANNY: (frantically) Oh, but the — the bed isn’t made — everything’s all upside down. J’d—I’d rather have you see it when it’s all—you know—f-fixed up! LOIS: Don’t be silly, Danny. I INSIST on having a look. (Knob turrs, in angry surprise) OH — I SEE! Nice interior decorator you have! Extremely nice, isn’t she? DANNY: (frenzied) Wait a minute — Lois — please —I know what you think — but — but you got me wrong! LOIS: (firmly) Let me go! DANNY: Lemme put you straight first, Lois—lemme explain— LOIS: It’s quite all right, Dan, you needn’t explain anything to me. I understand — perfectly. Let me go, will you? Your decorator is waiting for you! DANNY: (pleadingly) Aw, Lois! LOIS: I tell you, I understand. The bed isn’t made. GOOD NIGHT! (Door slams.) DANNY: (shouting) How’d you get in here, you—? MYRA (kittenishly) Oh, that was easy, Danny darling, I gave ‘he janitor five dollars and told him I was a friend of yours— DANNY: YOU’RE GETTING OUT! MYRA: Oh, Danny, don’t be that way. Come here and give me a hug— DANNY: (mocking her) “Come here and give me a hug”—I’d as scon put my arms around a rattlesnake—You always were poison to me—GET OUT! MYRA: Oh yeah—YOU TRY TO PUT ME OUT! DANNY: Out—or I'll give you this pitcherful of water smack in the kisser! MYRA: Don’t you dare! double-crossing—little— (Sound of rush of water and smashing crockery—Myra shrieks.) DANNY: Pity it hadn’t drowned ya— MYRA: Help — help! Slade — SLADE! Slade and the boys are You outside! THEY’LL fix you— you rat— (Sound of fists pounding door.) NARRATOR: So, that’s where we'll leave Danny Quigley! What of his two gals, the crooks, his producer, his public? You’ll learn all next ....at the Strand. Till then, ladies and = gentlemen, GOOD LUCK. Page Twenty-one