Radio and television mirror (July-Dec 1949)

When a Girl Marries (Continued from page 43) Dear Mrs. F. S.: Yes, I'm afraid I do think you would be wrong in attempting to force your in-laws to assume some responsibility for their mother. Under the circumstances, it would be a childish display of petulance on your part — and, if I may be very frank, a cruel one. Consider what you are proposing: in order to gain one paltry week of freedom from your mother-in-law's presence in your own home, you would have her — an elderly and infirm woman — jogging about from house to house once in every twenty-four hours, resting in a different bed each night. If there were any possibility of arranging for more extended visits, perhaps periods of one or two months at least which might be spent with her other children, you might be justified in creating a family issue and pointing out that you feel you are carrying an unfair burden. But the gaining of a single week of freedom for yourself absolutely does not justify your subjecting a woman of seventyseven to the discomfort (which at such an advanced age might be very serious) of the series of visits you propose. Try to remember that she is indeed "a very good mother-in-law in most respects." Train yourself to meet the strain of her constant presence in the same quietly unemotional way in which you have evidently met the problem of her interference in the disciplining of your children. Thousands upon thousands of people must look after elderly relatives who have much less claim to gratitude and affection than does this mother-in-law who — look back to your own words — sees to it that you get anything you want or need. Review your problem, and I think you'll agree that a sense of humor, a more relaxed attitude, a friendly but firm refusal to allow any interference in your personal affairs, will see you through. Double-Edged Question Dear Joan: I am separated from my husband but have been awarded custody of our little six -year-old daughter. Since our separation I have obtained a very good job and can well afford to employ a competent governess to look after my daughter. However, friends have advised me that I would be cheating the child of her mother's care, understanding and love and replacing all this with a sort of mechanical caretaker. Should I go back to my husband for our daughter's sake, so that I can stay at home and mold her into the kind of a young woman we want her to be? Mrs. R. S. Dear Mrs. R. S.: If you go back to your husband, do please face the truth honestly: you will be going not for your daughter's sake but for your own, because you want to. If your separation was a carefully considered action, based on a genuine inability to create a happy and successful family unit, would it not be the height of foolishness to return to your husband? 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