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and what is perhaps more important, also to dislike the same places, people and pets. But there are some exceptions.
Jane doesn't like sitting around Lindy's, for. instance, or Toots Shor's — "Talking to actors," as she puts it. I do.
Jane doesn't like to play cards. I do. A couple of nights a week, we have a few couples over for poker or bridge. On these nights, Jane usually manages to snaffle off one of the other wives to "sit around and talk." During the war, with hellzapoppin from Berchtesgaden to Broadway, "Let's sit around and talk," Jane suggested, one evening, to the wife of one of the men who had come to ante up with me. "Talk about what?" the w.o.o.o.t.m., inquired. "Well, I guess there's nothing," Jane agreed, reflectively, "to talk about."
I like to go to bed along around nine or nine-thirty. Jane goes to bed at 10:30 — not before. It makes her nervous, she says, if she goes to bed earlier. It gives her insomnia, she says. "Insomnia," I told her, "is just a matter of mind over mattress." (She used it on the air but not in so to speak, private practice.)
Jane's biggest daily emotion is the weather, because the weather determines what she will wear. "Going to be sunny tomorrow — mid 60s" is her main topic of conversation after she's listened to the weather man on the eight o'clock news. (Though not exactly in agreement on the bedtime hour, we get up at eight, sharp, both of us, making one simultaneous twist of the dial and on our feet ! )
Jane likes city life or roughing it, very luxuriously, in a plush hotel. She says she likes the country. "Rain falling softly outside." But she always has a friend who bought a place in the country, gave it some Spanish name for "Blue Heaven" and sold it the next year!
We used to take a place in the country each summer — in Deal Beach, New Jersey — but this year we're moving, since Jane has become a baseball fan, to the Yankee Stadium and the Polo Grounds. Jane has a box at both places and we'll summer there ...
Meanwhile, we have our all-yearround-apartment at the Ritz Towers and have had for twelve years and "When we get old, next year, we'll go back to the land," Jane says.
Jane has a maid she's had for a long time. The maid gets breakfast for us. She used to get dinner for us, too, but during the war our dog, Blackie, ate up all our meat coupons so we got out of the habit of eating at home. Now we use Room Service or eat in drugstores to which we can take Blackie. Blackie
is a white dog so Jane named him Blackie.
Jane's biggest extravagance is clothes. She likes to design clothes. And she does a lot of sewing. She is now at the "hem" stage. All I hear when I'm at home is, "Is it long enough?" Currently, she is "letting out" a raincoat. She's good at it, too, at sewing. And quite the housewife. She keeps the candy jars filled. The flower boxes. And feeds Blackie. She really did take "Domestic Silence" at school.
Jane rather dislikes jewelry — diamonds, that is. She goes in for gold things — a big gold charm bracelet with little gold gimmicks dangling from it, that's her pride. But her real extravagance is clothes. She loves to shop. After all, why not? Jane is five-feettwo, has hazel eyes and blonde hair, weighs what I told you she weighs and Mainbocher becomes her so . . . Some people think Jane and Mary Benny are look-alikes. Whether or no, Jane most admires (Goodman excepted) Mary Benny's Jack as a comedian. Vina Delmar and Pearl S. Buck are her favorite authors and Louis Alter, mainly because he wrote our show's theme song, "Manhattan Serenade," is her favorite composer.
Jane's husband, speaking for himself, is six feet tall, weighs 175 pounds, has blue eyes, needing a dye job, reddish blond hais needing the same. He smokes cigars incessantly and among his fellow entertainers he most admires Fred Allen, Burns and Allen and Jack Benny. He likes to think of himself as, to borrow back the words he put in Jane's mouth, "A human domino."
Except for the things we disagree on, Jane and I are, so to speak, unanimous. We like to go to the movies. Not fans, exactly, we have no favorites and never mind or, indeed, quite know what movie we are seeing. We just go to the movies to be comfortable. Jane says she doesn't "mind" any picture, "So long as it's in Technicolor."
We're agreed on our pet hate, which is of phonies. That's why Jane doesn't want to live in Hollywood. "Too many phonies" she says. I tell her "But there are phonies in New York, too." "Yes," she agrees. "But such real phonies."
We're both punctual people, very punctual. Make a date with us for 5:30 and we're there at 5:25. "We've got to tell them to be here fifteen minutes early because if we don't they'll get here," Jane points out, "five minutes late." On the subject of punctuality, Jane Sherwood's malaprop is, "I hate people that are impromptu"
The line between Jane Ace and Jane Sherwood sometimes — have I made it clear? — wavers and grows thin. . . .
"lit 25 minuted a£ teat tt£e adventwie fan me eueny day"
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