Radio mirror (Jan-June 1948)

the realization that he was only a man, and a selfish and inconsiderate one at that. She was hurt and confused, and she couldn't help wondering if this was what city life did to people — made them hard and indifferent to others. 'Galenti never even said he was sorry," jhe complained. "He just announced he was closing the studio and going to London. You'd have thought all of us were nothing but — nothing but pieces of furniture!" I said, after a while, "Don't you think, Joan, this might be a good time for you to go back to Elmwood? Before you get yourself busy on another job?" She raised her head, and her eyes flashed. "No, I don't! Why, it'd be like running away when I was licked. I'd never forgive myself!" So she stayed, determined to show that she could live in New York and be a New Yorker. She found another job, too, without the help of anyone — as a clerk in a Madison Avenue dress shop. It wasn't what she wanted, but it was a job. It kept her in New York. ALL that winter and spring, Joan stayed grimly on. Yes, there was something grim about it all, because she wasn't happy. She felt that she shouldn't still be living with Ellen and Tom Lee, for one thing, but she couldn't find an apartment that she could afford and every time she spoke of moving they urged her to remain. They had taken a larger apartment than they needed, and were glad to have the extra room occupied. All the same, Joan thought she should be completely independent. Her desire for independence was turning into an obsession. Nights when she didn't have a date, she would eat dinner alone in a restaurant, although Ellen would have been glad to have her share her meal and Tom's. And oftener than she ever let anyone realize, she thought of Curt while she swallowed those solitary dinners. Curt kept saying, in his letters and over the telephone, "No, honey, I won't come to New York. I'll wait — because some day you'll be tired of it there, and you'll come back to me." It wasn't very wise of him, probably. No girl likes to be told that the way she had ordered her life is wrong, and that one day she will realize it. No girl — and least of all Joan. Then she met Bruce Keenan. Bruce was a radio actor, and a good one. He was about twenty-eight years old, and he had a speaking voice that was like virile music. He was good looking, too, and now and then did a part in a Broadway stage play. I don't suppose he really loved Joan, but he wanted her, as he might have wanted a fine painting or something expensive to wear. He didn't mind feeling that the real Joan wasn't sitting there beside him in the theater or a night club; that quality of remoteness in her, if anything, made her more desirable to him. For a month he took up every minute of her time that she would give him. He sent flowers and perfume and jewelry to her, and then he asked her to marry him. And Joan said she would. We had lunch together, Joan and I, a few days after Bruce gave her the ring. 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