Radio Digest (Nov 1929-Apr 1930)

40 G E Matrimonial Misadventures of R T R u D E (jjr other Harry Nearly Fixes Things up but Gert and Victor Find New Ways to Spoil the Picture GERTRJDE is an exceedingly peppy, modern young woman. When her brother Harry inherits a million he determines to make a lady out of Gert, giving her anything she wants, which turns out to be a husband. Aftey buying the prospect a divorce Brother Harry starts around the world. By the time he returns to the happy couple Gertrude has found marriage a mirage, and again Harry foots the bills. But he is sympathetic when husband Victor gets thrown out of his happy home, his clothes flying after. Of course the fact that Little Harry has red hair, while neither Gert nor Victor have the slightest evidence of such a tinge, complicates matters. But when Gert finds Victor in another woman's arms she decides that enough is too much. Since Harry is to blame for the discovery he decides to make a surprise visit on the boy. I CHAPTER VII FOUND Victor at the piano playing his latest song — LONGINGS. It was a saddish sort of song; probably that's why he was playing it. I mean the music was sad. The words went like this: I don't want no Dollar-down, dollar-a-week daddy. I don't want no Five-cent, ten-cent, Wrigley-Woolworth sheik, I want to be a queen, And have a limousine, And a poppa who will put me on the silver screen. "Mabel's not feeling well. She ran into a lamp post and blacked her eye," said Mabel's mother. \ '~ZG?I**> The door of the flat wasn't locked this time, either, so I walked right in. When he heard me, Victor sort of dodged, as if he expected somebody to hit him. But when he saw who it was . . . "Harry!" he cried. "Victor, old boy, I came as soon as I. could. Gert tells me — !" "It isn't so." "We'll go into that later. Who was the Jane she beat up?" "Mabel Montgomery!" "Great Scott! How long has this been going on?" "It hasn't been going on." "Well, Gert says — " "I don't care what she says. She's got me wrong, Harry. Maybe I should have told her about the flat. But there's not another thing — honest, there isn't." "But Gert says when she came in Mabel was kissing you!" "She was. You know Mabel — she kisses everybody." • That's right. Blame the woman." "I'm not blaming anybody. I'm just telling you how it happened." "Well, how did it happen?" "We'd just been rehearsing my new song." "LONGINGS?" "Yes. It's got a funny kind of swing to it, and Mabel didn't get it at first. But finally she catches on and sings it like a million dollars. And I'm pleased, and tell her so. And she's pleased— with me, and the song, and herself, and everything — so she throws her arms around my neck and kisses me. Honest, Harry, it didn't mean any more than a puppy wagging its tail. I tried to explain it to Gert, and so did Mabel when she found out who Gert was. But Gert wouldn't listen to either of us — she just waded in. And now she's sent me all my clothes. What'll I do?" "Wear 'em, I suppose." "I mean what'll I do about Gert?" "You can't do anything, I'm afraid. She's through, Victor." UDUT it's not fair. I — love my home — and I love Gert — -D and I — I love little Harry." "I know you do," I said. "It's a funny thing about little Harry. Gert don't remember him, of course, because she never saw him, but little Harry is a dead ringer for Grandfather Giddings — red hair and all." "What's that?" "I said little Harry is just like my grandfather." "Was your grandfather's hair red — like little Harry's?" "Redder. Grandma called him Brick-Top till her dying day." Maybe you think I was crazy to tell this to Victor at this time. But I was sorry for him. And when you're sorry for people, you do the first thing that comes into your head. Well, you should have seen his face! He couldn't have looked happier if there'd been a dozen flies in his ointment, and I'd come along and swatted them all. "Harry, old man," he said, "I can't thank you enough for telling me this. It makes all the difference in the world." "I don't know what you're talking about," I replied. "If you think little Harry's looking like his great grandfather is going to help you with Gert, you're mistaken." "I thought maybe you'd help me." "How?" "By telling Gert the truth." "What is the truth?" "Why, what I just told you!" "Oh, I'll tell her that!" I said. I didn't intend to tell Gert anything, though, till I'd checked up on Victor. You see, I knew Mabel. Mabel lived on Sunset boulevard with her mother, who met me at the front door with a tale of woe. "Mabel's not feeling well," she said. "She's shortsighted, but she won't wear glasses. So she ran into a lamp post by mistake and blacked her eye." "It's a crime!" I said. "They ought to make their lamp posts out of rubber. Can I see Mabel?" "Well, she don't generally receive gentlemen callers in her bedroom, but I guess maybe she'll see you, Harry." I found poor Mabel propped up in bed, with a plate of marshmallows at her elbow, and a bandage over one eye. "Hullo, Harry! How's every little thing?" "Fine!' I said.