Radio Digest (Nov 1929-Apr 1930)

110 you'll never find a profounder truth than that. On the strength of the white lie I'd told him — or maybe I should call it a red lie — here was Victor gone absolutely haywire. "Gert won't like it," he said, "but that's the way it's going to be." "Well, whatever you do," I begged, "please don't start your Independence Day rally till after dinner." Victor promised. And I will say he did his best when Gert introduced the fatal subject with the soup. "Did Harry tell you about the new house?" she asked. "Yes," said Victor. "Isn't it scrumptious?" "Er— yes." "Well, is that all you've got to say?" "No. But let's wait till after dinner." "Why?" "I think Harry would prefer it." "Oh, don't bother about me!" I said. So Victor spoke his piece, and the war was on. "You're crazy," said Gert. "You can work at home as well as not — that job of yours isn't worthy of you — a real house with a garden is just what little Harry needs — " I never saw Gert work harder. She argued, she pleaded, she stormed. She used every weapon known to woman; but she might as well have been the German Army before Verdun. All I could do during these trying moments was to act in turn, as Red Cross nurse and referee. There would be a lull; then, suddenly the gong would ring. Gert and Victor had started another round. Finally, Victor turned to Gert and said: "Things can't go on like this. It's bad for you, it's bad for me, it's bad for little Harry." "If you ask me," I said, "it's bad for big Harry, too. Can't you battling babes in the wood declare an armistice, or something?" "Of course we can," said Gert. "If Victor will give up his flat — " "There you go!" said Victor. "Just wait till I've finished, Victor Wiggins! As I was saying, Harry, when I was so rudely interrupted, if Victor will give up his flat, I'll let him keep his job." "Fair enough," I said. "Gert concedes the job. Will you meet her half way?" "No, I won't," said Victor, "and I'll tell you why. Up to now we've just been beating around the bush. It isn't really my job that's worrying Gert, and it isn't my flat; it goes a lot deeper. It all boils down to who's going to wear the pants in this family. Well, if you want to know, I am!" AS VICTOR stood there, for of course he had to stand up to deliver an oration like that, he made quite a picture. The dominant male! I even thought for a split second the_ dominant female, meaning Gert, was going to fall for it. I believe she wanted to, at that. But something — pride, maybe, or being from Missouri, where the mules come from — held her back. "I don't know what you're talking about." she said. "I've been a good wife to you, and a good mother to little Harry. And now, when I'm trying to keep our home life pure and sweet the way it ought to be, you won't even do your share." When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, what happens? Does the immovable object move? The best authorities say not — but of course they've met Victor. "You make me tired," he said. "When have I ever refused to do my share? If you ask me, the only way to keep our home life pure and sweet is to stop having any. I'm going back to my flat." A moment of strained silence, the slamming of the front door, and the Victor of the house of Wiggins had departed, leaving me to comfort the vanquished as best I could. To do Gert justice, she met this crisis like a true philosopher. "I'm glad he's gone," she said. "Oh, I know I'm bossy! I know I got a mean temper, too. But it isn't that. The trouble is, I never should have married Victor. Everything went fine with us right up to the day of our wedding. After that, all we ever seemed to* get was wrong numbers. "Of course when folks get married cold, it's different; maybe they can stand it for a year. But Victor and I had had ours. It was a great year, too. Not a worry in the world. "And when the baby came! Honest, Harry, Victor was so excited he nearly had nervous prostration. I'll bet I could have got up next day and done the washing, but Victor went to bed for a week. "That's how things were till we went on that awful honeymoon; not a cloud in the sky except little Harry's red hair, and Victor getting used to that. Now look at us! "Of course I'm to blame for this work bug of Victor's, too — I drove him to it. But maybe after I've got my divorce— " "Oh, come!" I said. "You know you don't want to lose Victor." "Lose him?" cried Gert. "I lost him the day I married him. I've got to divorce him, Harry. It's the only way I'll ever get him back." T\ ON'T miss the last laughing, IS thrilling installment of Salisbury Field's story in the February issue of Radio Digest. Gertrude and Brother Harry and Victor and Little Harry slangily stagger through some more fun. Radio Resolutions for 1930 (Continued from page 35) In the meanwhile dp in the center outer rim of the horseshoe, Graham and the Major were busy handing the tin cup back and forth to the punch bowl, the microphone back and forth to each other. Down at the end of the left leg of the horse-shoe the Spokesman of the Representatives of the U. S. Radio Listeners had fallen, breathless, into his chair as a result of another frantic fumble for attention of his hosts. Recovering quickly, he picked up a tin cup, bit a piece out of it, thus relieving somewhat the nervous tension resulting from his desire for self expression. This seemed to calm him partially. He produced from a vest pocket a large and ample fountain pen, procured from a waiter some Village Nut Club stationery, proceeded to write a hasty and long letter in which, obviously, he voiced the protests of U. S. Radio Listeners. This letter he sent immediately to President of the NBC Merlin Aylesworth via a water boy. Just as soon as Mr. Aylesworth had read the first few lines and realized that the epistle was from the Radio Listeners, he looked all around. but no waste baskets had been provided, so Mr. Aylesworth did not know what to do with the Radio Listener's letter of complaint. The Great Man's discomfort was discovered immediately by NBC Praise Agent Johnstone, who ran to his superior's side. The two, with Vice-President McClelland, held a brief whispered con ference, then Johnny shouted: "Mr. Chairman!" There was immediate silence, for all of the artists and announcers waited upon Mr. Johnstone's words with the hope that among them — the words — their names would be mentioned. The press table graciously grabbed for pads and pencils, and the listeners' Representives felt sure that at last their appeals would be translated into good old fashioned New Year's promises. Mr. Johnstone, slipping from under responsibility, merely said: "Mr. Chairman, our Mr. McClelland has something to say." Major White arose, announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. MacNamee will now present the next speaker of the evening." Said Graham: UTHANK you, Major White. And J now my friends, I have a surprise for you. I am going to present Mr. George McClelland, vice-president of that National Broadcasting Company. Now, as everybody knows, George is the boy who put the Radio chains all over the map of the United States. He's the fellow who persuaded dozens of owners of Radio stations to hook themselves into the WEAF and JZ networks, children of the A. T. and T., and then pay 75% of money received from commercial sponsors back to the key stations for telephone line service, and also to buy enough sustaining programs to equalize what was actually coming to them on commercial programs, so that in the end the National Broadcasting Company wasn't out anything except line charges, which was simply like paying Papa — it all went back into the family purse. "And so you can understand that when the A. T. and T. decided upon giving birth to the National Broadcasting Company, "George was remembered not so much with gratitude as with a confidence that he would be more and more useful as broadcasting developed. He has been. And no one believes that more firmly than George. He has all the sans facon of limitless self-confidence and selfsatisfaction ... I now introduce Mr. McClelland!" A history of George's successes was written in the wrinklets of his proudly puckered lips as he removed from them a big black cigar, began to use his mouth for speaking purposes. Said George: "It is our endeavor to keep in constant contact with the wishes of the great American public. (Applause.) We do this. (Applause.) We do this largely by paying careful attention to the letters which pour in upon us from the public. We know that we are but servants of the public. (Applause.) Our success — and all success in broadcasting — depends upon the generated good-will or the listening public. (Applause.) "Six months ago in Chicago I promised that advertising announcements would be cut down to a min (Applause.) imum over the National Broadcasting Company. (All but CBS officials and artists applaud.) I want to repeat that promise to the listening public of America. (Applause.) In fact, I want to make it &■ New Year's Resolution, that advertising announcements in 1930 will be (Applause so loud George's voice is nearly drowned out as he concludes in tones subdued and falling far short of reaching the ears of the Representatives of U. S. Radio Listeners) bigger and better than ever!" The applause was long and loud, but Graham, having looked at his Gruen gift watch, realized his chances for visiting all the Village pumps before daybreak were slim unless he could bring the meeting to a finale within a very short