Radio Digest (Nov 1930-Nov 1931)

H3 Out of the AIR HITS— QUIPS—SLIPS By INDI-GEST Cash for Humor! /T WILL pay you to keep your ears open and your funny bone oiled for action. Radio Digest will pay $5.00 for the first selected humorous incident heard on a broadcast program, $3.00 for second preferred amusing incident and $1.00 for each amusing incident accepted and printed. It may be something planned as part of the Radio entertainment, or it may be one of those little accidents that pop up in the best regulated stations. Write on one side of the paper only, put name and address on each sheet, and send your contribution to Indi-Gest, Radio Digest. GOOD FOR WHAT AILS YOU Would you know the time of day? Dial in. Like to hear some music play? Dial in. (s it market news you crave, Dr the newest way to shave? How to make the kids behave? Dial in. For historical romance Dial in. For fox trots for your dance Dial in. "For health and beauty dope. For proper use of soap. For messages of hope — Dial in. ; lis your toothpaste full of grit? fona Dial in" ^ Do you want to make a hit? Dial in. If your omelets always fall, If you're much too short or tall, If the baby starts to bawl, Dial in! If you're stranded in the sticks, Dial in. If you just love politics, Dial in. If your home brew doesn't brew, jjj // you wonder if you're thru, fltf you yearn for something new, Dial in. For the magic in the air, Dial in. U, To throw away dull care, 2 Dial in. ] Let music rest your ears. J,, Let wisdom quell your fears. A Let smiles replace your tears— 0[f Dial in! — Helen Mary Hayes. Lincoln. Neb. Does "WOOF" convey nothing more i^o your benighted intelligence than the ark of a canine? Well, you're all wet, ccording to the latest dictionary of tadio jargon compiled by Engineer rving Reis of the Columbia technical ^ taff. It means a signal to start a program or check the time. And ON THE NOSE isn't a knockyut blow, it's being on time at the close )f a program within three seconds. SOUP is neither vegetable nor nitroglycerine that the safe-crackers employ, it's electric current, fed to antennae. MOTOR-BOATING is not an aqua sport, it's allowing the volume level of a mike to fall below normal, which makes a "putt-putt-putt" noise. HOP is not transatlantic, it's merely power supplied to mikes; HITS are non-scoring, they are just noises produced by the man up jarring the mike. DEAD MIKE isn't a cause for a wake, it's an unconnected microphone, while a HOT MIKE is one supplied with power. O' LIVE THE POOR GIRL ALONE Three Little Sachs. WABC: First Sachs: Why is the first olive in a bottle like a kiss? Second Sachs: I don't know, why? First Sachs: Because the first one is hard to get. After that they come easy. — Lyro G. Portridge, Spajford Lake, New Hampshire. EGGS-ACTLY RIGHT Heard from WJR. Detroit: "How do you tell a bad egg?" "I don't tell a bad egg anything, but if I had to, I'd break it gently." — E. M. Muma, 1007 N. Madison Ave., Bay City, Mick. IT'S A LOT OF BUNK Al and Pete: Pete: Did you know Camera has a bed seven feet long? Al: That's just bunk, Pete. Pete: Bunk! That's no joke — he really has a bed seven feet long. I wouldn't call that bunk. Al: Well, it's a bigger bunk than the Singer Midgets have. — "Fran," Wayne, Neb. NOTHING TO SNEEZE AT While listening to the Westinghouse pioneer station at Pittsburgh, I heard the following announcement, "This is KDk, KDku, KDku-choo!" Luckily, the announcer wasn't advertising coughdrops. — Hugh Lincback, 141 2 Mt. Olive, Siloam Springs, Ark. Here's a joke Indi heard yars and yars ago. But in its trip around the world it acquired a new ending. Do you like it with, or without, the last line. Complaining woman (in a hotel): I can't sleep. Room clerk: Why? Woman: Somebody in the room above dropped a shoe on the floor and I'm waiting for him to take off the other. Room Clerk: Don't wait. The man in the room above has only one leg. — Valentine Sadowski. Buffalo, N. Y. "Boners" is a collection of school-boy examination paper mistakes which Clifton P. Fadiman, NBC book reporter, recently reviewed. Here are a few choice examples he culled : "Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines." "A polygon is parrot." dead "In Christianity a man can have only one wife. This is called Monotony." And this is reported by a school teacher friend of Indi's: "The dog ran down the street, emitting a series of whelps." T-RRR-ai/n For mossvilleHaytowm Jack Oak Strawvillel Weed patch Gc^jk Clav Ce/nteq vx Train Leaves Station l/si One, Mi/nut Pause for Station Announcement C.MoLINfLLU