Radio doings (Dec 1930-Jun1932)

January, 1931 RADIO DOINGS Page Twenty-nine Just a Few Rambling Thoughts By TED OSBORNE . . . KHJ Here's the low-down on Ted Osborne, whose column will appear each month in RADIO DOINGS and whose presence on KHJ's Hallelujah Hour adds greatly to the fun. Born February 29th, 1847, in a Walla Walla Walla Walla (vamp "til ready), Washington, tenement house, just under the large X marking the spot. Was expelled from High school (1861-186^) and flunked out of the University of Oregon (1916). Later president (1879-1893.) Has never attended Harvard and numerous other Universities. Collaborated with Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on "Hiawatha" Ted 0sborne completed by Longfellow. Wrote "The Lady of the Lake," by Sir Walter Scott. "The Vision of Sir Launfaul," by Tennyson, and numerous other short poems. Has written Greta Garbo four times, but all manuscripts have been returned unopened. Invented the automobile in 1892, the electric light in 1877 and the cotton gin in 1918. (Book of recipes on request.) Invented the radio in 1907. Wounded four times, three of them fatally. Took up writing instead of politics as a profession, for, as he says, he would rather be trite than president. Has won 17 beauty contests, plays the typewriter entirely by ear, is 104 years old and never uses tobacco except for smoking purposes. Th' man who keeps his friends is th1 one who never gives em away. Marriage is a funny proposition; it makes some men settle down an' enables others t' settle up. Poverty ain't no disgrace, but just now I can't think of any other argument in favor of it. A man's pleasures, like his life insurance, cost more th' older he gets. An optimist is a feller who thinks that a kick in th' pants is meant t' send him forward. Th' feller who thinks he loses his temper is just kiddin' himself; he only displays it. To th' average man, livin' within his income is a good deal like tryin' t' dress in an upper berth. Sometimes little things have a big effect on humanity. If Cleopatra had been cross-eyed, th' history o' th' whole world might o' been different. Honest confession is good for th' soul, but it's bad for th' reputation. A woman ain't never satisfied 'til she's got a man for herself; an' when she has, she ain't never satisfied neither. Th' unwritten law is used so much nowadays, it might just as well be written. Money doesn't always make happiness. A man with $10,000,000 isn't any happier than a man with only $9,000,000. If your butcher gives you short-weight for your money, return good for evil; give him a long wait for his. When a girl's heart is broken, she usually spends th' rest cf her life distributing th' pieces. CHAS. W. HAMP The Highest Salaried Individual Radio Artist in the World Direct from New York After a Sensational Triumph STARTING JANUARY 2, 1931, OVER THE COLUMBIA CHAIN KHJ — Los Angeles KWG— Stockton KFBK — Sacramento KM J — Fresno KFRC — San Francisco KOIN— Portland KVI — Tacomia KOL — Seattle KFPY— Spokane Every Week Sunday, 8:30-8:45 P. M. Tuesday, 7:15-7:30 P. M. Friday, 7:30-7:45 P. M. 15 Minutes of Sunshine KHJ — Los Angeles Tuesday Morning, 10:30 to 11:00 Thursday Morning, 10:30 to 11:00 The Most Versatile Human in Radio