Radio doings (Dec 1930-Jun1932)

W/MT A rNO^E^T Mo POMT TELL / AN Ele phamt cam Hfwe Fleas (5ur A FLEA — DEah (V\e I've . For? Gott 6 M THE BALL.y Th»n&/ I SAY ( HOW T>»D ThtV / kMOv*) \ WAS COWINO / Bilgewater-Boy and Baron! w HY is Lord Bilgewater? Give up? No, that's no typographical error. There's nothing left out — except the answer. Here it is. It reads like the "begats" in the book of Genesis. First there was Monroe Ralph Upton. Monroe created "Simpleton Fitts" who became in due time just "Simpy." Simpy Fitts created Lord Bilgewater. Now Lord Bilgewater is creating a most pleasant disturbance on the air for the rest of us and a place for himself in the front row of super-fine radio entertainers. That is answer number one to my riddle. Lord Bilgewater invented the game of riddles, at least "air" riddles and plays the game in its worst and most enchanting manner. He is simultaneous that way: while you're snorting at his stupidity you are loving him for his cleverness. So he has us doing it too — making riddles. He who can make a scintillating conversation out of words that mean practically nothing is a consummate artist. Lord Bilgewater does this. During "The Happy Go Lucky Hour," originating at KFRC, when "Bilgy" asks: "What is the difference between an elephant and a flea?" and then in his exuberance adds: "Now don't tell me!" you laugh in spite of yourself. Going back to Monroe Upton — and it isn't far back — 1 898, August 15, Bandon, Oregon — the following enlightening details we give you, as Lord Bilgewater himself says "in a couple of nut shells." by Frances ^Montgomery m "Played with little boys who bored holes in the grocery store floor directly under the apple barrel. I was with them in the cellar at the time. Later, as a judgment on me, I was visited by inflammatory rheumatism, got a sewing machine needle run through my finger and was made to go to school. Long before my teens I was a glutton for humorous stories and jokes. I fed on O'Henry, Bill Nye, Mark Twain, the funny papers and Peck's Bad Boy as a starter, and by way of a piece de resistance, devoured the Monroe Upton Spice of Life column in the Literary Digest. My great tragedy occured when a neighboring farmer shot my dog when I had him on a vacation — the dog, you know! • "I skidded through high school, a few of its offerings adhering to me. College escaped me when I put off to sea in the capacity of radio operator. As 'Sparks' with spare time, I filled my cabin with books — Wells, Shaw, Nietzsche, Strindberg, Masters, Hugo, Balzac, deMaupassant, France, Thackeray, Conrad and a lot of text books, and filled my head with their contents. "Drunk with wonder from Nome to Valparaiso, Vancouver to Antwerp, I saw everything, went everywhere. I had wonderful times with care-free shipmates and one heavy heart each time I put to sea." Monroe says he actually became so sea conscious that he was afraid of the shore. But, during one of those years, he overcame this inhibition when he fell upon Shanghai, built and ran a radio station there. He had a lot of ideas but needed more money. So he came to San Francisco, and watched the meters on a broadcasting transmitter, (KFRC) for a while. "Radio shacks on hotel roofs — too stationary," argues the man whose true love is the sea, "so I took a little run up to the Arctic Ocean." • Just like that! At this point in the story enters Simpleton Fitts. On a fur trader bound northward, Monroe turned out forty-thousand words for gentleman Fitts, big coal and oil hunter on his way to the north pole. The author tried his (Continued on Page 43) RADIO DOINGS