Radio doings (Dec 1930-Jun1932)

Through circumstances beyond the control of the publishers, an unexpected development has made it impossible to obtain the story rights to the actual serial, "Cliandu, the Magician." Not wishing to disappoint the many readers tvho have awaited the story, this substitute was obtained instead. Next month's installment promises to be even funnier. Watch for it in the February issue. rridor, fearful of what might lie ahead, d even Frank Cliandler felt strange misobby was ahead. "Lookee!" he yelled ■t — mama sees!" his mother gasped. of you were listening no doubt you heard it. Chandler next day calls upon Nadji at her palace, to restore the knife and fork which she had found missing after his previous call. She receives him with cold, mechanical courtesy, saying, as she backs out of a clinch and pokes him in the kidney : "There-must-be-somemistake-in-your-call-will-you-please-dialny-yun-thu-r-r-r-e-e-e-ny-yun-thu-r-r-r-e-e"M"-as-in-Mary again?" While all this has been going on, the hateful Roxor has not been idle. Marshalling all the forces of unrest, he organizes a navy, which is to operate on the Red Sea. Cliandler knows nothing of this, and when a messenger hands him the message and then falls dead at Chandus feet, Cliandler exclaims, "Why did I not learn of this before? Where has this navy bean?" But Roxor, who in reality is von Boden (as shuddery a name as you will meet on the radio or the Red Sea in many a long wavelength) this Roxor is not going to be allowed to get away with that stuff. Not on your life. Otherwise, no radio program, smashing all previous records for number of listeners and avalanches of mail. By occult means, Cfiandu assembles a fleet of his own. There is no time to pick and chose. They have to take anything that comes along, from a rowboat to a second-hand Franklin. The result is, Chandus fleet is the darndest thing to look at you ever saw. While of course the enemy's ships are the very latest thing with streamlines and everything; my goodness, can you imagine it? Well, there follows a long, hard engagement, although Betty and Bobbie, being of the younger generation, are in favor of making it snappy. Here is where the adroitness and artistry of the playwright is perhaps more in evidence than ever before. Why, the thing is explained so vividly that you can actually see what's going on, just sitting there in the living-room of your own home in your own shirtsleeves. There is the Red Sea, spread out before you. It's as red as a beet. On the right side of you, (that's the side toward town) is Chandus fleet, pitching at anchor, every outboard motor going full blast. On the left side (that's the side toward Bixel street) is Roxy's Gang, — I mean, Roxors gang. They have already untied the rope that's fastened to the thing in the front there, that goes around that other thing on the dock when you want to take a boat away somewhere, and so there they are — all ready for business. But a wind comes up. Nobody ever dreamed of suc h a thing, not even the people aroun<1 KHJ. But there it was, just the same, blowing things all around. Well, after a while, there is a bong! and the fight is on! around, and everybody hollering at one time, and throwing the wrong things overboard, and then jumping after them! But where old Roxor makes his mistake, he lets this wind get his boats all turned around, across the channel. You know how the Red Sea is — on one side is Arabia, or something; and then on this side — the side over towards me here — why, this is Africa, or some place like that. Well, look at the fix Roxor is in now! Look at the fix all his gang is in! Be cause, with their bows pointing right this way, towards me, that brings their sterns pointing right towards that other country over there on the side that is opposite me. . . . Well, they try to put her hard over to starboard. No good. Then they try the port. Port is no good either. They try sherry, then sauterne. Boy, what a program that was! Why, you could just see the boats jumping Lousy! What's the result? On account of the position they're in, when they turn this way, they get a bong! in the fore; when they turn that way, they get a bong! in the aft. Chandus men hurl bong! after bong! at their now frantic foe. Bongs! fill the air, bongs! are striking the Red Sea everywhere, throwing up geysers of red water. No boats ever built could survive such a bonging! Roxor rages, foams at the mouth. He lashes his minions, threatening, imploring them to bong! back at Chandu. A few of the more courageous try it. But Chandu merely laughs at them. Their bongs! are no good. By the time their bongs! reach their targets they are mere "tweettweets!" Such a contest must end finally, and in only one way. Roxor tries to be everywhere at once, like his father was before him. Roxor s father was ubiquitous, but that does not help Roxor the 2nd, because he cannot move fast enough, and so the son of ubiquitous Roxor finally goes down with his ship, cursing by kind permission of the copyright owner, followed bv the theme music, and the closing announcement. Regent and his wife, Dorothy, are on the very verge of being united in the last act. But Regent, being disguised as a Fuller brush man, is refused admittance to the palace, and Act MCCCMXIICIV ends with Regent dejectedly waiting at the employment window of a vacuum cleaner company, crooning, "Just One More Chance." While the yogi, retiring to Berlin, may be seen every evening at 8:15, except Sundeh and Mondeh, seated at a table in the Hofbrau. a large mug in his hand, with his face buried in the rich, creameh suds. [To Be Continued Next Month] RADIO DOINGS Page Twenty-five