Radio doings (Dec 1930-Jun1932)

Wre All Right-The World $ Crazy became a very famous general in the Civil War, none other than General Pershing. At this time of course, he was but a mere lad of 78, who could barely butter his own shoelaces. He was so young, in fact, that he was still afraid of the dark, and used to carry a lamp around with him all the time. And it is about this time that the famous story was written about Pershing when he was a lad, called "A-Lad'n His Wonderful Lamp." Joe the Seal: A man's best friend is his seal. Dogs are all right, but there's nothing like the love and companionship of a good, understanding seal. And there is nothing so inspiring than an hour spent in conversation with a well-educated seal. We have such a seal. Such seal is our Joey. His is our pride and Joey. Academician — philospher — student — fathead — Joey is all of these. Yea, and more. Yea, and that's enough. Yea, bo. Yea. Joey the seal is on the air with us every morning when the proceedings of Coo Coo College are broadcast. Not only is he the only seal in the world consistently heard in a series of broadcasts, but he has the added distinction of being the only seal in the world to occupy a chair of philosophy at an institution of learning. Our pet seal, Joey, wishes to express his thanks to our many student listeners who sent him flowers during his recent illness, when he was suffering from an attack of chronic fishicidis. Joey says they are the best flowers he ever ate. [Continued from Page 12] For the privilege of teaching philosophy to our students Joey shines our shoes. Sometimes the poor seal works so hard that when he wakes up in the morning he has rings under his eyes — seal rings. Chloie the Parrot: Whereas Joey the seal is the dunce of our College, Chloie the Parrot is our star pupil. She always has everything right and no wonder. In a little limerick she extolls the virtues of our sponsor's products every morning — good old Chloie. Taking the Air: Working on the theory that all work and no jack makes dull a-play boy, we write all our material ourselves. We use almost everything — we might even use some of this story we're writing, some morning, at least we'll mention Radio Doings for using it. And remember a bird in the hand is worth two from the gallery — spare the microphone and spoil the listener. Coo Coo College C-Notes: Our Coo Coo athletes are now preparing for the Olympic Games — training for the intercollegiate boxing bouts has begun and in the words of our boxing instructor, Instructor Van-and-Don, "Take my word for it de boxers are back to de old groind." Soon we shall start an open forum (and againstum) at Coo Coo College on the subject "Is the automobile here to stay?" This will be a highly technical discussion of automotive engineering embracing all mechanical parts of the automobile from the transgression to the ring worm. Also a discussion of the much-advertised free-feeling. Purely Presidentially Conventional: Soon we, the two professors, shall announce our duo candidacy for the presidency of the United States. Our platform shall be, "Two can feel as cheap as one in the White House." Knit One, Pearl One: Coo Coo College hereby challenges Stanford University to a knitting tourney, catch-ascatch-can, winner take all. Stanford University has the best knitting, crocheting, and hemstitching team in the inter-collegiate conference, we read in the papers. Or maybe we just made it up. We don't like to boast, but Coo Coo College has knit its way to victory over such schools as the Oklahoma Aggies, Mrs. Crabtree's School for Girls, and the Alameda Reform School. You've probably heard about those knitting victories. It's an old yarn. So Stanford, take care before you take up the gauntlet, and besides, the gauntlet is a mitten — of our kitten, no kitten ! We End It All: We want you reader students of Radio Doings to feel that you can come to your two old professors at any time during our programs for the solutions to your affairs and perplexities. We want to become an integral part of your community. We shall be happy at all times, too, to officiate at christenings of babies, battleships, bathtubs, bicycles, buffaloes and billboards. We shall also be glad to lecture in person at any local society gatherings or husking bees for the consideration of the nominal fee of $5,000.00, or a cup of coffee. Then Along Came Ruth made famous by both of them in the 1911 Follies. They were devoted lovers for many years and then they quarrelled and separated. They had always made it a rule not to sing "their" song unless they could sing it together. They kept that vow until long after they had parted. One night, persuaded by some friends, Nora Bayes sang the song alone — and two weeks later she died. Ruth revived this song in the 1931 Follies. Looking back over a comparatively brief span of years, Ruth says this is what she remembers: "The Montmarte Cafe in Chicago . . . Helen Morgan with long hair sitting on the piano, singing Too Tired to Wash the Dishes" [Continued from Page 8] . . . Jack Schubert telling me, even though we couldn't come to terms on a contract, 'Well, all right, but no matter how far you go don't let anybody change your style' . . . Getting a $50 tip one night at Colisimo's from the famous gambler Nick the Greek for a song . . . 'The World Is Waiting for the Sunrise' . . . Seeing 'Sonny' on my first trip to New York and going back stage to meet Jack Donahue . . . Never dreaming that in just one short year I would be playing in same theatre with Eddie Cantor . . . Getting 24 hours' notice to appear in 'Simple Simon' and struggling for the lyrics the first few nights . . . Reading Whitney Bolton's review in the New York Telegraph after the first Follies." The clipping said: "Ruth Etting is out of place in the Follies, she ought to be in a hospital . . . anyone with a voice like that can sing paralytics into life and heal wounds with her emotional croon . . . she should sing in the slums and spread sunshine . . . she makes blues singers sound like doxologists or the man who gives the Arlington time signals." "It's the one place you simply cannot make a mistake," Ruth explains, adding that you can repeat records, retake pictures, and by personal mannerisms and gestures cover an off-night behind the footlights. But you can't fool Mr. Mike. RADIO DOINGS Page Nineteen