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mous damages from a railroad company after a train wreck," Hughes smiles. "A very mild train wreck, it was; and an envious friend asked Moe how he managed to collect such an enormous amount. 'Presence of mind, presence of mind,' Moe said. 'When 1 felt the train lurchin' I kicked my wife in the face'."
You must time your punch lines, pace your story, draw it out or cut it short according to the mood of your audience.
And, added to Mr. Cantor's stern warnings, here's this one from Mr. Hughes.
"There are three poisons which spell certain death to a joke. First, you can tell your audience that what they are to hear is extremely funny. Second, you can interrupt your joke with something serious, like saying 'This really happened to a young girl in Oskaloosa.' And last, if you want to kick a poor joke when it's down, you can ask your audience if the joke you've just told wasn't too funny for words."
Hughes remembers working on an early motion picture which illustrates all three of these sins. It was called "Torture Chamber," and for Hughes it lived up to its title.
"It was years ago in the robust, silent days, and I had been called in as a sort of combination writer-director-producer. The plot was simple. Billie Burke was pretending to be ill. To frighten the doctor— she was a bit of a prankster — she was to plunge the thermometer with which he was reading her temperature into a basin of boiling water. All this when the doctor wasn't looking.
WE shot the scene like that. Then the cutting room did a little doctoring of its own. Behold the situation when it emerges:
"Billie and the nurse are flashed on the screen, talking things over. A subtitle explains that they intend to play a very funny joke on the doctor. The doctor arrives, produces the thermometer. The film flashes back to another scene where the villain and the villainess of the picture are in serious conversation. We return to Billie's bedside to find patient and nurse in gales of laughter at the poor doctor's fright on seeing the thermometer after it has been plunged into hot water.
"That joke died a horrible death."
Probably the simplest formula ever given for story telling comes from Ken Murray.
"The cardinal principle of getting a joke over successfully," he says, "is to tell it in a perfectly straight manner, up to the point of the punch. Then give it everything you've got."
So many parlor comedians, he complains, try to wisecrack on the descriptive part of the joke. "For a few minor giggles, they sacrifice the psychological effect of the big payoff."
He advises the amateur to study the construction of a joke in order to get the most out of it. When conveying the picture, he must be very careful not to tip off the point. And he must see that the punch line comes on the last word of the phrase, and never, never try to get more laughter by prolonging the joke.
"Here's a joke that's pretty familiar," Ken said. "It will illustrate my point. Somebody asks, 'How are you getting along with your new eight-room house?' His friend says. 'Oh, not badly! We furnished one room by saving soap coupons.'
" 'Didn't you furnish your other seven rooms?'
"'We can't — they're full of soap!'"
Now what if the teller had made the last line, "They're full of soap and we can't get any furniture in them." The result, Ken pointed out, would have been a mild snigger. The main point was
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