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he sensed that he meant more to me than any stranger)— and I tried to be. What did I want? Was I in love with him? I saw again those strangely vivid blue eyes, the kind of eyes they say seafaring men always have, that look as though they h_d seen wonderful things in far-off places. I felt again the single touch there had been between us — the warm, hard clasp of his hand over mine. I heard his voice. Did I want that voice to say things to me, the tender things he was saying to Janet?
I thought I knew the answer.
It was as though I were wrapped tightly in a cocoon, insulated by my thoughts from the old, comfortable, familiar world. The girls came and went, and when they spoke to me I answered, though I never knew what was said. I gave Maggie her orders every day, just as always; I counted the sheets and planned dinner. I was conscious that Janet slipped in and out of the house like a little blonde ghost, but I couldn't do anything about it. Not yet. Not until I knew what I wanted, what I was going to do. Whether or not I would ever be able to get back again into the placid routine — the meaningless, empty routine, I saw now — that Carl Byrnes had shaken me out of. Until I knew, there was no wisdom or friendship or affection in me for anyone else.
On Saturday — the day of Janet's birthday party — I buried myself in preparations. It would be the best party Tanner House had ever had. I managed to get the candles for mother's hurricane candlesticks, and that seemed like a good omen, somehow. Maybe tonight things would get clear, maybe . . . I made seven huge pies, besides the birthday cake. The girls kept coming to the kitchen door, and Maggie, and I smilingly shooed them away.
Janet came, a little later than the others, and stopped at the kitchen door. It was the first time we had spoken since that night, and she didn't look at me as she spoke. "I've asked Carl to come, tonight. I — it wouldn't have been any good, without him."
I nodded. I had expected him to be there. "I understand. And he's welcome, Janet, of course. I hope it will be a wonderful party for you."
"I know it will." She -hesitated.
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