Radio romances (July-Dec 1945)

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It doesn't matter to you how I feel, or how I need you or your Mom needs you. I don't think you are capable of loving anyone." His words were like knives, twisting in my heart. Hard! When the very core of being inside me melted at his touch, when I wanted nothing in the world so much as his happiness! The shock of his words, the sight of his cold, implacable face looking down at me, made me dizzy. I hardly knew the thoughts that were rushing through my head, the need that seemed so overwhelming to prove him wrong. "XTOW can you say that — that I'm not •*--*■ capable of loving you?" The words were torn from me. My hands were on his shoulders, entreating. "I do love you. Not for protection or security or safeness the way some women love." Now I was being swept away by the forces unleashed in me. It all seemed so clear — the only way I could prove to Johnny that I meant what I said. It was a way I had never before even considered, that an hour ago I would have rejected as horrible — unbelievable — but now it seemed right. Not only right, but joyous and brave. "I can't marry you now, Johnny, because I won't be like Kate. If I were your wife you wouldn't let me go to Purdy. You'd be tortured with jealousy, you'd be wondering where I was and what I was doing. You'd grow to hate me. Or, if I stayed home I might hate you for putting me in prison. These are things for us to think out and work out and study, when you come back, so that our marriage will be beautiful for both of us." It wasn't I who was speaking; it seemed to be someone else — someone caught up in my love and hurt and driving need to be loved by Johnny. "You don't have to marry me, my darling. I can be yours, if you want me. I'm not afraid . . . because love is bigger than a ring or a ceremony. And I won't let it turn into a meal ticket." The silence between us grew and grew, after I finished speaking. 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