Radio romances (July-Dec 1945)

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And slowly the courage and the pride that had gone into their saying fell apart and only the cheap shabbiness remained. I hadn't meant it that way. It had seemed so right, so natural. I had wanted to give myself to Johnny to prove to him how much I loved . . . without any demand for security. My thoughts swung like a pendulum, striking against pain and confusion, against hurt and bewilderment. New rules — new ideas — I had said. But there was only one rule, as old as time itself. A man and a woman brought together in their love, facing life together, honorably and courageously. What did it matter if one took an inferior place? What did it matter if the partnership were unequal? What more could a woman want than a man's love and protection and her place — no matter how small — in his life? SUDDENLY my home seemed to me a wonderful place, a refuge. I got to my feet, almost running. I remembered the affection there had always been between Mom and Dad, between my brother-in-law and Kate. What was the secret these women had that I didn't? Was it something that enriched their lives instead of emptying it, as I had supposed? I wanted to run home and find that secret, to find the satisfaction it seemed to me they had found. But when I reached home I couldn't find the right words to ask. Mom was in the kitchen, rocking slowly back and forth in her old, worn-out chair, her strong, stubby fingers expertly shelling peas. I kept my back to her so she wouldn't see my distressed face and pretended to need a glass of water at the sink. "Mom — " I began, hesitatingly . . . "Mom, what are you thinking about? What did you and Dad talk about, all those years you were married?" "Think! Talk!" Mom sniffed a little and settled back in her chair. "That's the trouble with you, Mary Ellen — with all you modern girls. You think and talk too much. What you need is a good husband and a family and you won't have time to think about anything but getting three meals a day and keeping the socks darned. Thinking doesn't get you any place — " I had heard all this before and now I left the room, not even caring that I was being impolite. That wasn't the answer I wanted. Besides, what was the use? What was the purpose in finding out where I had been wrong — when there was no hope of ever making things right again for Johnny and me? He wouldn't come back. He would never want to see me again. I had thrown away the wonderful thing we had and it was lying now in the mud. I dragged myself to the theater the next night but it was an ordeal. In spite of myself I couldn't resist a hopeful start every time a khaki-uniformed figure swung through the outside door. %*— Haii Rinse Gives a Tiny Tint Removes £ this dull film 1. Does not harm, permanently tint or bleach the hair. 2. Used after shampooing — your hair is not dry, unruly. 3. 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