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RADIO STARS
The grand romance of
FRED ALLEN and PORTLAND HOFFA
Culver Service
Culver Service
Here we have Fred Allen at the bat. Like most comedians, he is constantly worrying about getting "new material."
And now Portland Hoffa at the bat. The first time she played stooge for Fred she almost died of stage fright.
Fred, <is a business man, trying to overcome depression. Wonder who's handing him that dose of aspirin.
of this merry piece, the Fred Allen already mentioned is the self same zany who cavorts Sunday-nightly in your loudspeakers for Linit and the Bath Club. And the hoofer who — in my story — is about to enter Monsieur Allen's life is none other than that dumb-cluckish young thing named Portland on the same program who claims residence in Schenectady and asks first primer questions with the guilelessness of Lorelei Lee.
THIS hoofer in "The Passing Show" had a run in her * stocking, probably, but it didn't get her down. She had the sort of face, Fred noticed covertly, that never quite lost hope. Turned up nose, you know ; amused blue eyes that held a quiet merriment. Though dressed like innumerable other hoofers, she shone as distinctively as the night's first star, as far as Fred was concerned.
Some newspaperman who knew her had written this line: "Portland Hoffa was a hoofer, and she held herself aloofer." That is to say, she didn't chew gum like a cudpunishing bossy, say "gawd," or wear orchids every pay day. To Fred, she was a miracle, for she yanked him straight out of his private chasm of despair and changed his opinion of the Younger Generation.
Twirling his false mustache, our boy friend decided to find out more about her. "She hasn't been in show business long, or she'd look different," he told himself.
"Such a cute girl ought to get out before it gets her."
So what did Fred do about it? He, married her and made her a stooge. His stooge. He made a hoofer into a stooge — and what happened? But wait. Maybe you don't know what a hoofer is. Well, suh, the sons and daughters of vaudeville call all dancers "hoofers." And a stooge? That's the guy planted in the audience to heckle the comedian on the stage. Sometimes he has a seat in the first row downstairs. Usually, he is in a box. Or he may be on the stage. No matter where he makes his headquarters, he "feeds" the dumb, oaf-like queries that give the comedian his chance to spring his laugh line. That's your stooge. Understand?
Portland Hoffa became a stooge, but before she surrendered, believe you me, it took a deal of crafty Allen strategy.
THAT first day approximately five years ago when an ''uninvited impulse prodded Fred Allen to learn more about the girl, he employed the method of his greasepainted profession. He wise-cracked, he did. And lo! the first faint fires of romance were lighted.
"I'm a doctor's daughter," Portland advised him. "My father named me after the city where I was born. Out in Oregon, you know."
"I know," said Fred. "You ought to be glad you weren't born in Terre Haute or {Continued on page 43)
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