Radio stars (May 1933)

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RADIO STARS Fred Allen (Continued from page 13) Gila Bend or Hastings-on-the-Hudson." "One of my sisters was called Lebanon, and another Last One," said Portland. "Good gracious." "Dad thought she'd be the last one," Miss Hoffa continued serenely, "but she wasn't. So he changed her name to Next-to-Last." So they fell to talking. He told her he*d like to be a novelist, but he kept catching himself laughing up his sleeve and that didn't incubate the heart throbs demanded in literature. Said he wrote and sold vaudeville skits because it was more profitable to sell them than to have them stolen. Said that he'd been born in Cambridge, Mass., and started through life as a children's librarian. With that background, he had dared hit the trail in vaudeville, first as a bum juggler, then cashing in on his dry humor in mill towns through New England. He told her he hated dryads, farthingales, wimples, whiffletrees, pogo sticks, arch supporters, duennas, and house deteckatifs. You can see how well they were get- ting on. Clicked from the beginning. Before Portland could put on the brakes, she got a look behind the comedian's eyes and saw that he was lonely and disillusioned and weary of looking at life through rose-colored footlights. But whether he was trying to be funny with her, or something, she couldn't quite decide. She thought not. |-| E and Portland got to meeting each other. Apparently just coincidental- ly. And Portland found out that even funny guys who looked like judges, could be awfully romantic. And Fred found out that little hoofers, even in the midst of a harum-scarum existence, and without benefit of a throne room, could be as queenly as anything. So presently Fred married the girl, and that huge, ingratiating bunch of solemnity and wit became "my husband" to Portland. Fred hadn't thought to get himself encumbered. But with the destinies of two to consider, he thought it out pretty deliberately. There was nothing left to do but to break her in as a stooge. He broke her in. That was at Lake Nipmuc, Mass. The first time, she was cold and clammy with fright. He had to hold her hand, pat her on the shoulder, and promise to buy her a soda afterwards if she was a good girl and went through with it without any more jitters. Just when it was time to go on, the manager came backstage and said there wasn't enough of an audi- ence to bother. It was better after that. He had a way of welcoming her on the stage. He said, "Anybody who looks at me now is crazy." She liked that. And the first tiling anybody knew, she was the stooge supreme, piping out the right silly questions as if absolutely de- void of any sense. Three years at that. Stooging up AN AMAZING OFFER! Did you get YOURS yet? This dainty, non-leakable perfume container has been enthusi- astically received by thousands of fashionable women every- where. Easily carried in the purse, ready for instant use and avail- able in six different colors, they are fast becoming an indispensa- ble accessory to milady's handbag. As they make welcome gifts for your friends, you will no doubt wish to get more than one. Just send your name and address with the top of a linit pack- age and 10^ (to cover cost of wrapping and postage) for each perfume container wanted. Use the handy coupon below. RESULTS are IMMEDIATE with a LINIT Beauty Bath Try the Linit Beauty Bath to make your skin (eel instantly smooth and soft. It leaves an invisible light "coating" of linit so that dusting with talcum or using a skin whitener will be unnecessary. To enjoy this delightful Beauty Bath, merely dissolve half a pack- age or more of linit in your tub—bathe as usual, using your favorite soap, and then feel your skin! It will rival the smooth- ;cented ness an ^ softness of a baby's. Perfumed linit is sold by grocery stores, drug and department stores. Unscented linit in the familiar blue pack- age is sold only by grocers. The Bathtvay to a Soft, Smooth Skin DfUCHTFUuy PCRFUMCD f0t > nil tArx THIS OFFER EXPIRES NOVEMBER 15, 1933 Corn Products Refining Co., Dept.RS-5, P. O. Box 171, Trinity Station, New York Please senj mc perfume containers. Color(s) as checked below. 1 enclose $ and LINIT package tops. □ Black □ Brown □ Red □ Blue □ Green □ Ivory Nuuie Address. City 43